We bring the FAST and laughs to pharmacy.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


I completely understand if someone suffers from an obsessive compulsive disorder. What I do not understand after watching many seasons of "Hoarders" on A&E is that if someone who even suspects that a family member has OCD and may live in conditions that are unhealthy for people or animals can stand by and let that sh*t happen without stepping in and saying "Hey, I think you might have a bit of a problem." f*cking p*sses me off!

If you know anyone who may have an OCD issue that has come to the point that their living conditions or their familiy's/pet's living conditions are conducive to bacterial/fungal infection PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE help them to see that they need professional counseling! OCD can come in many forms but when it comes to the point where living conditions are deplorable it makes my black loveless heart bleed!

Don't let anyone in your family suffer! In this world of the "stuff obsessed" people need to see what is a proper home living environment and how to manage the things they have without "hoarding" to the point that they have vermin and/or health problems! Let this be your New Year's Crusade!!!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

A Christmas Miracle

Nearing the holidays everything becomes hectic. Last minute shoppers crowd shops and roads while weary employees look forward to the quiet calm of the "Silent Night." We had an early bird this morning who entered fully clothed but arrived with his shopping and pants in hand at the front register to check out.

He explained that he wanted to exchange his pants for a bottle of children's sunscreen. The cashier called the manager because "You gotta see this." They gently explained that pants are not an acceptable form of currency for McDruggie's and unfortunately we would not be able to exchange them for sunscreen.

A short while later that manager phones me. He said the pants less man had a microwave that he threw on my brand new car (bought it yesterday). I was like "You lie!" He did lie but the pants less man was in fact walking around near my car in the parking lot with a microwave.

I asked myself, "Self, where would one with no pants get a microwave at 7:30 in the morning?" He didn't buy it from us so it must have been a glorious Christmas miracle!

Hopefully all of your holiday memories will be just as magical! I wonder if he is the "nude dude" from a few months back. If he isn't I bet they are besties. Happy holidays, you want fries with that?!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Texting, One, Two, Three?

I like to complain and I like to laugh. I spend equal amounts of time at both pretty much all the time. I had an especially good hour long fit of the chuckles after filling a prescription for a patient with a rather unfortunate yet hilarious name. I can't tell you the whole name because of patient privacy laws but I will take a stretch at saying that parents with the last name Wiener or Weiner have certain social responsibilities in picking a name that does not lend to hilarity and long term psychological damage for their children.

A typical text convo between pharmacists:

Tasty: I am being used for my compounding skills....I feel dirty.

Filet: Lucky! I've forgotten so much and I love compounding

Tasty: Made two batches of progesterone supp & a flagyl susp...fun fun

Filet: Fun. What flavor of flagyl?

Tasty: Sweet gritty ass

Filet: Ha ha w a cherry on top

Tasty: My face hurts from fake smiling

Filet: Amen

This is what happens when I get suckered into driving an hour away to sub at another store for a 14 hour day. I told the techs there will be no staying after 10pm. If it is not done it will be sitting on the counter for the morning staff. I have no shame in leaving it behind. I have an hour drive home. Of course there was nothing left behind because it was a Sunday but I am subbing there again for the evening today and will have no shame leaving stuff behind.

We close at 10PM, not 10:05, not 10:30, but at 10PM so don't pull up in the drive-thru because you think I am going to stay an extra 20 minutes because you are just gonna get driving directions to the 24-hour store down the street.

Happy Holidays!

**supp = suppositories and susp = suspension

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Here Comes Santa Clause!

A Santa pulled in to the drive thru at Mcdruggie's to get his diabetes meds. I guess all those cookies and milk finally got the best of him.

Come to think of it, Santa has become a sort of poster boy for the modern American.

He is morbidly obese.
He most likely has diabetes or a milder metabolic syndrome precursor.
He most likely has high cholesterol.
He most likely suffers from sleep apnea.
He might have to buy an extra seat on an airplane.
He might not be able to fit in some of the rides at Disney.
He probably has massively clogged arteries.
He probably has irregular bowels.
He probably hasn't seen his feet or his penis for quite some time.
He could end up on one of those 1-Ton man shows on the science channel.
He probably has recurrent fungal infections in each of his folds.
He might not even be able to put on his socks and boots without assistance.
...and the list goes on...

What's the point of this post? Nada. This is nothing more than the rambling holiday observations of a Grinchy poo pharmacist trapped in the land of misfit drugs so for Christmas my rag tag band of Mcdruggie's third shift cohorts and I shall indeed indulge in a multi-layer chocolate ganache confection so we can celebrate our holiday with a side of diabetes and be jolly like Santa. Ho ho ho, indeed!

***On a lighter note one of my readers has a brother who had an unfortunate date with a deer whilst riding a motorcycle. I am hoping that the "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" inspired torture ensues....

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Remember When...

* pharmacies used typewriters.

* birth control was expensive at $21.99 per pack.

* albuterol inhalers were $12.99.

* compounding was the only way to make medications.

* everything was cash and carry.

* you were young and happy before retail destroyed all sense of self and worth.

* motrin was the latest and greatest prescription pain reliever.

* brown industrial paper towels were absorbent.....never...

* boards required you to pass a compounding practicum.

* lawsuits were few and far between.

* 100 prescriptions per day was a huge volume.

* we had tech help instead of running the sh*t with 1 RPH and 1 tech for a 500 rx per day store.

* pharmacists were sane.

* the law did not allow us to discuss medications with patients.

* you went to school for pharmacy and didn't end up the "head cashier."

* you went to school for pharmacy because you wanted to help people and ended up being the janitorial/maintenance person cuz you work overnights and apparently have to babysit the day staff who leave food, beverage containers, coffee stains, and paper garbage ALL over the pharmacy but don't clean up after themselves....pigs!

* hand sanitizers weren't sitting out on EVERY available surface of the counter.

* patients were nice.

* welfare had yet to create an elite class of babymakers with no responsibility whatsoever and no respect for others.

* that one douche bag pharmacist was diluting chemotherapy and made us all look bad along with drastically shortening the lives of cancer patients who could have survived.

* nobody had a cell phone in the pharmacy.

* life was SWEET without a double or single drive-thru window. You want fries with that?

* medical office staff weren't total b*tches when you called for an rx clarification (and some docs, nurses, and pa's for that matter.....you know who you are).

* pain management wasn't a lucrative alternative to street dealing.

* there weren't 4 oxycodone related overdose deaths per day in the state of Florida.

* Christmas songs didn't make the muzak worse until after Thanksgiving.

* a pharmacist actually got to sit down uninterrupted for 30 minutes to eat their dinner before it got cold and de-stress before they b*tch slap somebody.

* Marinol was a CII.

* Primatene inhalers were $8.99.

* people were embarrassed to pick up Viagra.

* The minimum dispensing cost was $6.99.

* McDruggie's carried penis vacuum pumps.

* we didn't have touch tone refills and had to talk to EVERY patient for refills.

* people actually went to a primary care physician instead of using the ER as their dial-a-doc.

* junkies were few and far between.

Monday, December 7, 2009

On The Worst Day Of XMas

To save time I am gonna break this one down to the final verse sung to the "12 Days of Christmas":

On the worst day of XMas
McDruggie's gave to me

12 crazy convos*
11 cough/cold consults
10 ER patients
9 flu shot queries
8 gift card transfers
7 cars a honking
6 doctor call ins
4 oxy seekers
3 ringing phones
2 screaming kids
And a massive throbbing headache for me!

*convos = conversations with the obsessive/compulsive schizophrenic that calls many many times each day

I also encourage readers from other medical fields to leave their lists in the comments. Have you had your break today?

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Hooked On A Feeling

Fever and chills: check!
Achy and sore: check!
Feeling beaten and left for dead: check!
Going to an all day concert: check!

Methinks I have a touch of the flu. Which flu, the world may never know. I figure since I am not having any difficulty breathing that it is not the much feared H1N1 or "hiney" virus as the stupid so lovingly call it.

So I went to my McDruggie's to get some Nyquil. I am not talking about the "store brand" with the slightly bad taste and the reformulated decongestant. I am talking the real deal, show your photo ID and sign to say you aren't making meth out of it, with the gut wrenching black death taste that gives you the same convulsion of repulsion as Jagermeister shots on a hot summer night, Nyquil.

I slept like the dead and it felt wonderful!

I am still achy and feel like crap but I am well rested and ready to test a theory. My partner pharmacist suggested going at it like a pirate: rum. I like to use Civil War medicine: whiskey or bourbon. So today I will use a combination of both plus a couple Motrin and a Centrum Performance vitamin.

Rock on! I will be completely germ sterile by the end of the day or I will be in the hospital tomorrow with liver damage, an active gastric ulcer, and an overactive flu virus that needs a Tamiflu beatdown. Either way I am gonna have a great time! Woo hoo!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Here Fishy Fishy!

It's that wonderful time of year when McDruggies is trying to drum up new customers so there are rumors of the mass marketed and always dreaded $25 dollar gift card rx transfer program turning up in the weekly ad. WTF? After thoughtfully cutting our staff down to the bare minimum you wish to put us through this hell again?

These gift cards bring in the worst people. Let me give you some examples.

1. Medicaid patients who legally are not eligible but the rx staffers are giving them the gift cards anyway because most of them will get violent and screamy if we don't.

2. Medicare patients who legally are not eligible but the rx staffers are giving them the gift cards anyway because most of them will get violent and screamy if we don't.

3. Didn't we just settle a huge government lawsuit because of reasons 1 and 2 last year?

4. Junkies. They will try to transfer controlled substances that are weeks too soon to refill so they can get really high and get a bonus gift card to buy sudafed with.

5. Idiots who think bringing in or having the doc call in a new rx means they get a gift card because they came here from {insert random pharmacy name here} and are a new patient (ie patient transferred to us, not rx transferred to us).

6. Hateful bottom-feeding coupon-whore shrews that go to whichever pharmacy has the rx transfer flavor of the week coupon. These are the nastiest most evil creatures in ALL creation and ALWAYS go out of their way to make EVERY person on staff miserable the ENTIRE time they are in the pharmacy.

7. Douche bags with "NO REFILL" on their bottle who think we are going to call their doc for refills and give them a gift card too. FU douchies!

I am sure there are others I forgot to mention but these are the top offenders who suck the life out of everyone and everything they encounter here in pharmacy-town.

This exorbitant waste of pharmacist payroll takes precious time away from the patients who really need us and have medical questions or need some advice on if they can perform some first aid MacGuyver action at home or need to race to the emergency room.

I am gonna put my foot down here and say it: "I didn't go to college for 6 years to be your gift card transfer b*tch!" I am gonna hassle each and every one of those people and refuse gift cards to all who don't qualify and give them the corporate complaint number so they can call and scream at someone else because I wouldn't give a gift card to a person on government funded health care because I won't break the law.

Seriously, McDruggies, do we even make enough money to further torture employees so you can get a big fat bonus at the end of the year? For that matter, do we even break even on that sh*t or should I just bend over and let everyone stick a finger in my a$$hole to let me know they care because at the end of the day the rx transfer gift card program totally mcsuckies!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Smack My B*tch Up

A guy walked up to the consultation window to ask a question. His girlfriend walks up next to him and he said she got hit and they needed to know what she could use. She had a bright red shiner and a bloodshot eye to go with it.

I didn't even bother to ask who hit her because the way she would only look at the floor and never at him and would not even try to utter a sound told me he was the guilty party. I say I hate a lot of things but to see this gorgeous girl beaten by her douche bag boyfriend instills a deeper primal rage that perhaps a mama T-Rex would feel if her hatch lings were threatened.

I wanted to rip this particular piece of sh*t a few new air holes and a few new a$$holes. I wanted to go primal on his a$$ and make sure he thought about it R-E-A-L hard before he even raised a hand to another woman.

WTF? How bad is your self esteem that you allow a man to hit you, f*ck you, f*ck other people, spend your money, hit you some more, then lie and tell you that he loves you and you are stupid enough to stay? I don't want to hear the excuses.

"I fell down the stairs."
"{random kitchen item} fell out of the cabinet and hit me."
"I tripped."
"I bumped into {random stationary object}."

All you are to him is a f*ck toy, a punching bag, and an extra source of income. You are not seen as a human being. You are not seen as an equal. You are not seen as someone that should be treated with the least of kindnesses or courtesies. You are his b*tch and that is all you will ever be until you get the courage to say to yourself, as does Stuart Smalley "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me."

It just disgusts me to no end to even think about abuse and people who allow themselves to be abused. Even worse, most abusers never get a dose of the justice system they so badly deserve.

On a final note: That b*tch that suffocated her child and drove around with her body in the trunk of the car for about a month before dumping the body then tried to play it off like she didn't know what happened to the child deserves the death penalty. She should be sentenced to die in the manner in which she disposed of her daughter's body, tape over the mouth wrapped in trash bags and left in the trunk of a car until she starves to death and is dumped in the wilderness. Only then will justice be served.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Blackberry Applications for RPh's

Thanks Richard


Flu Shot F***ed Up Article

Greedy people suck!

Thanks Eric!


Friday, November 20, 2009


Well kids, looks like the "Supermodelquins" or "Douchequins" as I like to call them have invaded a South Beach McDruggie's. I can't say that the South Beach t-shirt will catch on with the locals like the sweaters and stripes did for the "Lady Douchequins" in NYC but this guy needs a hand! Maybe he was caught stealing.... Some societies cut off the hands of thieves and since many have referred to Miami as a third world country it would be a somewhat fitting fate although it would be more fun to use this "Douchequin" for batting practice.

Swwing, batter batter, sswwiinngg!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I Wanna Dip My Balls In It!

A guy came in with a prescription. The doc told him he could get it over the counter so I showed him the product. I reassured him that the Lotrimin by prescription was the same as the OTC version.

I handed him the 12 gram package. He was instructed to use it twice daily for seven days. He showed great concern that there was not enough in the tube. I told him that depending on how big the area of application was the tube would last several days.

He said it was for his balls so I again stated that depending on how big the area of application was the tube would last several days. He got the bigger tube. Then we had a nice discussion about how the same fungus that attaches to feet also loves the warm moist area around his balls but the cream could treat both areas if needed.

I also told him to resist the urge to scratch...

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Is it So Wrong...

Is it so wrong of me to want to put this coupon in every Valtrex prescription bag?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Another Thing I Will Probably Never Use

Dear Novo Nordisk,

Thank you for the Flexpen Demonstration Kit you sent to us. I cannot anticipate or imagine any patient who will ask us to use it. All of the patients we have on the pens were counseled on how to use them at the physician's office and rarely, if ever, ask a pharmacist to show them how to use it. I hope these kits were not a suggestion of my corporate paymasters and their lame a$$ attempt to get a volunteer to be the district diabetes specialist.

Most patients ask us for help when their blood glucose machines are on the fritz and they cannot figure out how to program, use, or change the battery. I hope you got a H-U-G-E tax break from the government for "learning aid/advertising" or whatever you categorize it under for the write off. On the other hand we did have a good time using them as potentially lethal squirt guns. It's always fun until someone loses an eye!

Gracias y buenos dias!

Big N Tasty

Monday, November 9, 2009

Micro Manage This!

I despise the uber-perky, I am always right pharmacist that micro manages everything. I worked with one of those last week. She really pissed me off.

1. Do not treat me like a 5-year old because I speak very little Spanish. I have worked in many areas where most of the patients only speak Spanish. I can hold my own quite well and can work circles around you as long as I have a fluent tech to explain the intricacies of insurance rejections. It is also rude of you to assume that none of these patients understand a lick of English. Many understand far more than you think they do and are quite funny when I apologize for my Spanish not being so great. The tech said my pronunciations are good and she understood everything I said. I only had 3 patients I needed a full translation for and only a couple times did I ask the patient to repeat what they said slower because it takes me a minute to do the translation in my head and if they talk too fast I miss some things.

2. I do not appreciate your two-faced attitude toward your technicians. The whole paging the store manager to call the tech and then telling him to write her up for being an hour late because you wanted her to work on the warehouse totes for an hour even though the schedule on the wall was not correct. You then proceeded to chastise her over the hour and then kiss her ass like she is your best friend the rest of the day. I don't like your dog and pony show.

3. I do not appreciate your assumption that I am like the sh*tty floaters that just stand or sit around all day and do the minimal amount of work. I actually do what needs to be done because I am there and getting paid quite handsomely to do so. The tech you chastised and I had over 2 hours to waste after we had EVERYTHING else done that we could find to do, including counting down the extra banks.

4. I do not appreciate every time you so rudely impose yourself into the middle of my patient consultation. I don't care what papers you have read or what your personal preferences are. I have my products of choice and it was my consultation. If there were no surveillance cameras I probably would have stabbed you with a spatula repeatedly. You were very unprofessional.

5. Do not treat me like a child because I look young. I have over a decade in as a pharmacist and was a student intern for a few years prior. My youthful visage only shows that I am aging much better than you are and won't need that laser skin resurfacing treatment for at least 15 more years or half as much makeup as you cake on to cover your micro-manager crow's feet and furrows.

6. Taking a few years off to raise your child does not make you any better than anyone else. Most people do not have the luxury of taking a few years off work because they have bills to pay and aren't in a fiduciary position to do so. You are just a self important douche and your child will grow to resent you and maybe even poison you for the inheritance because I am sure you treat your family just as wonderfully as you treat your co-workers.

Wow, I could probably add several more items to the list but as I am a polite blogger I try to keep the posts short and sweet though I tend to ramble on. I will leave you with a thought I had last night at the Dethklok, Mastodon concert: I am qualified to be a Kloketeer on the STD/Skank patrol. Maybe that is the job I should apply for. At least I would get to tour with the bands and have a good time.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Halloween Is Over

As I parked at McDruggie's the mighty, shirtless King Of Douche passed by with the shirtless Duke of Douche and his cousin the shirtless Earl of Douche and I knew this night would be a busted mess. Then I remembered that the time change happened at 2am...double whammy... I should have taken an unpaid day off to party...not to mention the gothically delicious full moon backed by clouds like something you would see in a Halloween cartoon chastising me for not following my dark side. And so it begins.

It was relatively quiet so we got warehouse totes put away then a call came in. My tech was laughing cuz he pretty much knew what I was going to say when he handed me the phone. A lady had a Levaquin 750mg stuck in her throat. On further questioning it was actually about half way down her esophagus so there was no danger of choking to death. She tried eating something, drinking something and gagging herself to no avail. She wanted ipecac but I haven't seen that in several months so it is probably on back order or no longer available so I told her the only other options were to continue drinking water, call the paramedics or go to the hospital. She opted to go to her doctor's house that was 2 doors down. I bet her doc was not ready for that "Trick or Treat" to show up on his doorstep. Want some candy, little girl?

I was reading an email about the decrease in controlled substances being filled and it reminded us that we are not to turn away every controlled substance that does not follow the new regulations in Florida. The law requires that the quantity must be written as a number and a word so as to prevent the temptation for a drug seeker to alter the numbers and we should call the doc offices to verify this. I fought the urge to send an email back letting them know that the decrease in controlled substance prescriptions was not due to this but due to many pill mill pain clinics being shut down and the refusal of many pharmacists to fill pain management rxs from similar clinics with patients from out of state. Hello, Mcfly?

Two older gentlemen with accents that place them as natives from the fjord lands were wanting to know if they could get Cialis, Levitra, or Viagra. I explained that in America you need a prescription for these items. They were disappointed but their accents reminded me of Alexander Skarsgard the sexy vampire Eric on True Blood and the only reason I watch the show... He would be my Trick and my Treat!

A real monster showed up in the form of shingles. It was not any shingles attack I had ever witnessed before. The guy's scalp and face were full of lesions and his left eye was extremely swollen. He was in severe pain and the ER had given him Demerol and gabapentin along with Valtrex. He had been given Demerol at the hospital 3 hours prior to his pharmacy visit and was still in great pain. I got them out in 5 minutes and advised him on when to start each med. He was happy to be leaving but noticed our sign for the shingles vaccine. He lamented that it would have been nice to know about the vaccine a few weeks ago.

It was sad but he reminded me of Sloth from the Goonies and that reminded me of high school. I had a friend who used to torture this guy because he was chubby and had a weird shaped skull so he kind of looked like Sloth. She would shove Baby Ruth wrappers through the slots in the top of his locker and whenever she saw him in the hall she would say "Baby Ruth...Sloth want Baby Ruth." I am actually surprised he didn't beat the crap out of her because that went on for several years. There was also a time in grade school when she had to apologize to a girl for making fun of her a lot because her hair was greasy and had a lot of dandruff so my friend would call her "fried chicken head." Misty water colored memories on the corners of my mind...

I also have to thank my boss for coming in and not making me stay for hour twelve due to the time change. One of his few redeeming qualities. So I got to go home and prepare to sit through the V marathon on Scyfy before the remake starts this week. So I leave you with this advice: If aliens show up that kind of look like us but talk funny we are gonna get eaten like snausages at a dog park!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Thanks Fellow RPh (more fan mail)

I enjoy reading your blogs. I've been in retail since 1963. Retired and doing some part time work at stores where I have a fun time only! I have also been doing medical missions to Haiti which are professionally rewarding.
Please keep the blogs coming!

Ed M

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Fan Mail

Thanks CJ!

I just want to say I love all of you. I really do. When the weird world that is retail starts getting to me, I always feel better after reading your contributions. It just reminds me that weirdness abounds, wherever you go. Somehow, knowing that other people are dealing with the bizarre and often unreasonable demands required by "dealing with the public" makes me feel a lot better.


Saturday, October 17, 2009

Say What???

A guy came in to the pharmacy and was totally serious when he showed me a box of One A Day vitamins and asked me how to take them. I had to bite my tongue not to laugh as I explained that he should "take one tablet one time each day" like it says on the box.

A lady came in with a prescription for Tamiflu suspension. She didn't have the child's medicaid card but had 6 other family members' cards in her wallet. WTF did you give them at the ER? I was not having any of it. I was simply too busy to spend 45 minutes of my time getting the ID number from the automated system. So I told her the cash price and that I would fill it but she needed to get me the ID number. If you can't get your sh*t together when all you have to do is have a f*cking plastic card in your wallet I am not even going to go the extra mile. You don't deserve it! Of course this was too overwhelming for her so she took the rx back to go to Target the next morning. They probably have the time to waste on the call since they only do about 150/day at a busy store. (Can't help but say I am a bit jealous.)

I covered at another store that is an unholy nightmare to work at. The late shift tech and the next morning shift tech called in sick. Lucky me! At that same store one of the few techs who is very good at the job and would stay and help out got written up by the head store manager for working 30 minutes of overtime without his permission. What a douche! Why punish the only people willing to give up their free time to help your pharmacy which helps your bonus. Again, what a douche!

I had a lady with a Vicodin rx from the emergency room. I filled the rx and she was 24 cents short of the copay so she asked me if I could just take one tablet out and adjust the price. I told her not to worry about it and threw in a quarter that someone dropped on the floor earlier in the day. A junkie would have demanded we give the extra tab for free but I got a good chuckle out of her request because that is the first time I ever had someone tell me to take just one tablet out.

Just in time for your holiday shopping pleasure we got Chia pets, the Clapper, and Snoggies (Snuggies for small dogs).

A busted tranny with a UTI dropped off rxs in the drive thru. (By busted I mean that he wasn't really fooling anyone in to believing she wasn't a man underneath the face paint and overstuffed lips.) He/she then asked if I had a book of matches. Why on earth would I have matches in the pharmacy? I thought everyone knew I was not allowed to play with fire or sharp pointy objects.

A guy came in because his baby had a fever and he got some Tylenol infant drops. He asked if it would be okay to mix with Gatorade. NNNNNNOOOOOOOooooooo!!!!! Pedialyte, never Gatorade, because something formulated for a large sweaty sportsman is definitely not good to give to a teeny tiny infant.

A lady came in at 4am because her Medicaid denied the inhalers she had discharge rxs for from her most recent hospital stay as refill too soon until that particular date. She had severe COPD, was only in her early 40's, had a BIC lighter in hand, and reeked of cigarettes. Somebody didn't learn her lesson. When your lungs can't take in air to the point that it causes you great pain and keeps you from walking from your car to the pharmacy without having airway spasms and choking I don't feel sorry for you. You obviously "need" those cigarettes more than you "need" to breathe. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

They're Always After Me Lucky Charms!

My manager e-mailed this article to me.

Man Gets 15 Years for Stealing Cereal
by UPI [11:33 am et 10/6/09]

A homeless alcoholic has been sentenced to 15 years in prison for stealing milk and a box of Lucky Charms, authorities in Lakeland, Fla. said. Mark Griffin's sentence was influenced by previous felony convictions for burglary and grand theft, prosecutors told The (Lakeland, Fla.) Ledger.

Griffin's most recent arrest came April 19 for stealing a $4.49 box of Lucky Charms cereal and a $1.59 can of milk from a Walgreens, police said. Griffin had been banned from the store previously.

A jury in August convicted Griffin of robbery and trespassing after he rejected a plea deal in which prosecutors offered him a sentence of three years in prison and two years probation, The Ledger reported.

Acknowledging Griffin was a chronic alcoholic, Circuit Judge Donald Jacobsen said he was mandated by law to impose the 15-year prison sentence. "Personally, I think the money could have been better spent in treatment than incarceration for 15 years, but that is not my decision," Jacobsen said.

I find it tragic that someone lets addiction take them to the point of theft and homelessness. On the bright side he gets free food, a place to sleep, a toilet, bathing privileges, free cable, and workout time paid for by John and Jane Q. Taxpayer. Life is sweet! (and yes Lucky Charms are delicious!)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

iPhone apps sent in by reader

Thanks man!


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Random Thoughts

Since once daily adult chewable multi-vitamins are good for you why can't the manufacturers come up with a better flavor besides rotten metallic orange?

I am once again amazed at the efficiency at which a rhinovirus hijacks your mucus production and sets it into overdrive. I remember the lady and her daughter that infected me 2 days ago...damn you! (shakes fist)

I am curious to know why the guy who's girlfriend made him get Viagra for their Bahamas vacation didn't realize that it wasn't just the alcohol inhibiting his erections but the combo of alcohol, Valium, and Vicodin.

Since the emotion of love is not actually in the heart can we change Valentine's stuff to little chocolate and candy brains and brain shaped boxes of assorted chocolates?

It amazes me the amount of prescriptions I fill for sleeping pills. How on earth did anyone sleep before this? I don't ever recommend sleeping pills as an alternative because you do not get the delta wave sleep that the body needs to reset and there is obviously an underlying medical or psychiatric issue that keeps you from sleeping. Not everyone needs 8 hours of sleep each day to function and anything that causes you to forget that you ate everything in the refrigerator or took a night drive can't possibly be good for you.

My birds sit in a large cage in my living room and are addicted to television. I watch a lot of splatter kill horror films. I often watch my birds peering intently at the screen and wonder if I am warping their fragile little minds or if they only notice sound, flashes of light, and movement. Since I have so far failed to completely teach them to whistle the Muppet Show theme song I will assume ignorance truly is bliss.

Who decided that patchouli was a good idea for a "deodorant?" It already smells like body funk then you put it on and add real body funk to it. Not a pleasant person to be stuck next to on an airplane. Now I know why they have barf bags.

Since everything we eat is processed into crap by the GI tract then we could technically say that everything we eat is crap or maybe a precursor to crap ie precrap.

Speaking of crap... On South Park this week they were poking fun at dead celebrities and had Billy Mays doing an ad for Chipotlaway to clean the blood out of your underwear after eating chipotle. Hahaha! I can say I have never crapped blood after eating something spicy but that was hilarious.

When the first major media coverage of H1N1 happened months ago and there were rumors of pandemic was anyone at Roche not paying attention? I would have quadrupled production of all Tamiflu formulations in the name of profit but since no one was paying attention we have to compound Tamiflu suspension.

If none of the other authors contribute to the blog anymore does that mean they have been excommunicated by the pope or are they dead of unknown foul play? I think maybe they are just lazy or forgot their passwords.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Friday Night Fun

So my store was doing a reset on the condom/sex lubricant section at the store and asked my overnight manager for suggestions. We thought the disposable plastic gloves, enemas, and sani-wipes were a good start but for the true "orgy" experience we also need to add painter's tarp (or yard size garbage bags), febreeze, paper towels, scented candles, and an advertisement for our discount card that covers Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis. We sell orgy fixins all the time. Hedonism and venereal diseases are alive and well in South Florida!

Speaking of venereal diseases.... I got to fill what is lovingly referred to as the "Oochie Koochie Special": 2gm Zithromax, 2gm Flagyl, 150mg Diflucan. It takes a special lady to get that trio and I am proud to say is something I never have and never will need because I use condoms and you should too!

I also got to make an "anal fissure cream." There are several different ones we make depending on the doctor's preference. The most common are nifedipine, diltiazem, and nitroglycerin creams. I giggle every time we make one and imagine what the patient did to rip open their anus. Was it a really huge dump? Was it overly eager anal sex? Was it some freak accident? So many possibilities!

Finally, the manager calls me around 5am to tell me that a homeless woman is sleeping between my car and the bushes around the store. He wanted to know if I wanted to call the police. I told him not to bother because she would probably leave when the buses start running again, which is what most of them do. She wasn't bothering anything and if she doesn't mind the rats that live under the bushes, sweet dreams. I told him he should have the police arrest Michael Bolton for the musical atrocities he committed against mankind that I have to be tortured with several times each work day. That would be a satisfying arrest, along with Hall & Oates, and various other "adult contemporary" artists that drive me to madness. Why don't I have any control over the music? Ugh, that is the worst part of the work day, trying to block out the easy listening.

Friday, October 2, 2009

More Late Night Anomalies

A girl came in to the pharmacy looking for a pregnancy test. She reeked of marijuana and had on a short top with second skin stretch pants on. She was glittery and looked like a "rave kid." She appeared to have a 12 week baby bump so I giggled to myself after she left cuz that pregnancy test is going to come up positive...and I feel sorry for the child...

I was moonlighting at another McDruggie's that has about the same staffing as my store but does about 300 more prescriptions per day than we do. Needless to say it was going to be a L-O-N-G night. I went in at 10PM and was still filling prescriptions that were supposed to be ready at 7PM. The drive-thru never stopped and hospice called to get 5 prescriptions on the fly. I asked them if I could have at least an hour before the courier showed up and they said no problem. So I threw that on top of the mountain of work I had to do and kept on plugging away.

This was a night that feels like "Groundhog Day" only there is nothing amusing about it. No matter what you do it seems like the mountain of labels never disappears. I took 3 minutes to inhale a Diet Mountain Dew and a small bag of chips because I really didn't have the time to spare for anything else and I forgot to pack my lunch.

Patients were grumpy and I had many many emergency room patients because in the poor neighborhood most people use the ER as a primary care physician. Ridiculous. Medicaid gives you doctor options. Use them instead of rolling your pathetic cow eyes at me when I have 12 other patients who left the ER ahead of you and came in to the pharmacy before you. First come first served, and yes you all came from the same ER. You probably all sat together and b*tched about the wait time cuz you use the ER instead of a primary care physician. Again Medicaid gives you plenty of doctor options. Use them!

On top of that is a magical thing called EBA which is an OTC cash credit that must be processed as a prescription so people bring in baskets and baskets, even shopping carts full of diapers, mouthwash, toothpaste, OTC meds, etc in the hopes that all of it will be covered. The problem with this wishful thinking is that we do not have a definitive list of what is covered because it keeps changing. One month a certain type of diaper may be covered then 2 months later Medicaid decides to cover a different one. This leads to many items not being covered so we have to process each item and see if it is covered, if we know what is covered instead or if a different package size is covered. Each item's processing time can take up more than 3 to 5 regular prescriptions to process so it really is the bottleneck in the prescription process. I spent 2 hours processing 2 shopping carts full and 3 shopping baskets full of stuff. Of course half of it was not covered so I had to attach a little list of what was not covered to the receipt of everything that was covered and then I got to spend an hour returning all the not covered crap back to the store shelves because I was sick of tripping over it in the pharmacy.

All this time I was under the impression that the purpose of the cash balance on EBT cards was to cover these expenses. Silly me thinking that people on welfare wouldn't want another handout for crapping out a baby of unknown daddy. Yes I am bitter and fed up. The system should cover one child only. If you didn't learn from that mistake then you shouldn't be allowed to suck the government teats dry. I would like my tax dollars spent on something worthwhile like public education...I am not bitter at all (sarcasm).

I had a lady come in who appeared in her late fifties, early sixites. She was mad that she paid cash for mirtazepine (antidepressant, mood stabilizer) and said the price was $25 cheaper at the grocer store and Wal-Mart. She wanted the number to corporate to complain because she took 2 pills and said it made her sick. I gave her the 1-800 number for complaints and the store manager looked up the corporate address so she could write them a letter.

She then purchased 3 boxes of baking soda and 4 packs of D batteries. I can tell you why the mirtazepine didn't work. First of all, medications like it need at least a week of continued therapy to reach full effect because they alter chemical concentrations in the brain. Second of all, her other purchases confirm my sneaky suspicion that she is hooked on methamphetamine which overloads the serotonin receptors in the brain and over years of meth use pretty much blows out the receptors so that no matter what you cannot experience emotions such as happiness, satiety, and fulfillment. LAY OFF THE METH SWEETIE CUZ YOUR PROFILE SAYS YOU ARE LOTS YOUNGER THAN YOU LOOK AND YOUR TEETH WILL BE THE NEXT THING TO GO...

Some people have no damn sense. This is why we need to spend more on education and less on bullsh*t.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


You have probably seen Brooke Shields selling Latisse to make your eyelashes grow but the list of side effects is daunting. So I would like to give my appreciation and laughs to the kids at Funny Or Die.com for the Lashisse spoof. My thoughts exactly!

I also love their Protect Insurance Companies PSA....again my thoughts exactly!



Here In My Car

You all know how much I love love love that convenient outlet for the uber-lazy, the drive by...I mean drive thru. I always feel one paper hat away from asking if you want fries with that instead of asking if you have any questions. I meant medical questions a-hole! I do not have the winning lottery numbers, do not know the proper sequence of equations to build your time machine, the large white paper bag I gave the person in front of you was not garlic rolls, I do not have more garlic rolls, I will not call you if we ever start serving garlic rolls, I do not know the score of the game (no matter which sport is in play that evening), I am not a Dolphins/Marlins/Hurricanes/whatever other Florida team exists fan, I do not schedule nor give flu shots so come back between 10am and 4pm like the marquee and adverts say, we will not give a flu shot thru the drive thru drawer but I have a few places where I would like to tell you to stick the needle, many stores have an urgent care clinic to look at that oozing puss filled lesion you have there so you can be prescribed an antibiotic because this is not whatever foreign country you are from we can't just give you something at the pharmacy our system and laws require you to see a practitioner licensed to diagnose and prescribe and I ain't it, and whatever other stupid request you have that is not remotely appropriate for a drive-thru drawer opening.

In my hood their are lots of tourists so it is not out of the ordinary that a taxi with a t*tty bar ad pulls up with a Viagra/Levitra/Cialis patient who needs "just one pill" immediately. They are a lot of my late night business. I also get a lot of talk time with the police because sometimes t*tty bar fights end up with shots being fired in other places, like behind our pharmacy or a fight breaks out with the crack heads at the hopefully soon to be condemned motel across the street where they all stay which is where the Nude Dude probably came from (several posts ago). We always know who the crack heads are because they usually buy batteries, Chore Boy metal scrubbing pads, baking soda, etc and steal many of these items along the way along with candy, sodas, chips, etc because even a crack head's body will want food eventually but they can't possibly spare a dime for a snack with a rock so close at hand.

My favorite drive thru kids are the ones wanting Class II drugs or as they like to call it "The Good Stuff." The first of these encounters this week was a guy and girl in a taxi. He gives my tech a photo ID, insurance card and two rxs, one for Lyrica and one for Vyvanse so the tech brings them to me for an okay to fill them. I look at the guys profile and here is why I don't fill either of them.

1. He took this taxi ride from a city one hour away from us to get here.
2. His profile shows #70 Ritalin 20mg cash from Doctor A on 8/23 at store A, #80 Ritalin 20mg cash from Doc A on 8/28 at store B, #110 Ritalin 20mg insurance from Doc B on 9/8 at store C, #90 generic Ritalin 20mg cash from Doc B at store A on 9/15, #90 generic Ritalin 20mg cash from Doc B at store D on 9/15/09 and all say sold in the computer which is over 400 tablets in less than 30 days.
3. The rx for Vyvanse was either 30mg or 40mg, #120, taking two in the morning and two in the evening on a patient who has never been on Vyvanse according to our records. The maximum FDA approved "safe" dose for Vyvanse is 70mg once daily.
4. I go over this information with him and he states that this is not doctor shopping so I told him that until I spoke with his doctor no pharmacist was going to fill it because the dose was way over what is legally allowed as "safe".
5. He told me he hoped "I was operating within the law and that to deny this prescription from his doctor who was the head of Harvard Neurology that I was going to kill him." The doc on the rx was from the city one hour away and according to the state MD registry was only registered to that particular practice site. I have great doubts that the head of Neurology at Harvard would hold a full time private practice several states away from his university.
6. He was so f*cked up on something that he could not form a coherent sentence.
7. He continued to argue with me even as I handed everything back to him. Don't f*ck with me cuz I am not gonna humor your bullsh*t and I cannot be bullied into filling ANYTHING that is not within the limit of the law. I do not cave in like the other pharmacies you conned into filling your Ritalin bullsh*t.

In the words of Suzie Orman: DENIED!

The other girl and guy that came in to the drive-thru at 4am for #60 Vicodin ES and #60 Xanax 2mg were also from an hour away and had prescriptions from an office with two mds that both had "Verify all controls, stolen rx pads" in their office listing in our computer. I explained to them that the docs want us to verify all control rxs with them for this reason. She was giving me an "I am so much pain" speech but she was smiling real big and giggling when she handed me the rxs. Sorry, not until their office opens. Again: DENIED!

The piece de resistance was not in the drive thru but still involved a car. An elderly gentlemen came in with his wife's insulin. They needed something for travel that would keep insulin cold for 3 to 4 hours. I sold him an insulated lunch bag with some reusable freezer cold packs which should do the trick. While I was ringing him out the manager paged for me to pick up the phone. I usually let the phone ring until I am finished with a patient because that type of multitasking is rude and I want the patient to feel comfortable and assured that they have my undivided attention. The elderly gentleman had hit a girl in the knee with his car in the parking lot and they had called the police.

My first thought was "That's why we have sidewalks." It was a little more complicated than that. There were several teens getting into an SUV in a parking space. The elderly gentleman drove through the row of parking spaces and turned when he almost hit the truck. This is where he hit the girl in the knee. We watched the video. The elderly guy came within INCHES of crushing 3 people to death. He didn't seem chemically impaired but he was mentally confused and very slow on movement so he should not be driving a car. This is the prime example of why people over the age of 60 should have a mandatory driving test every year in order to have driving privileges.

The most dangerous thing we do every day is drive or ride in a motorized vehicle. You are more likely to die in a vehicle related accident than any other accident or type of cancer. Hell you could play any lottery game once weekly and would be more likely to die in a car than win the lottery. It's just that dangerous. With people texting, intoxicated, illegally unlicensed and uninsured, putting on makeup, doing crossword puzzles, computing, etc while driving it is very dangerous because it may not be you that causes the accident but it may be you that gets killed in one. Be careful out there!!

Guest Post: The Pill Story

The Pill Story – Why We Don’t Mix and Match

I’m small and round (sometimes) and brittle, so you would think I’m practically harmless. But that’s where you’re wrong. You see, when I meet and interact with a few others of my ilk, I turn into a potentially dangerous cocktail that could end up harming and even killing you. I’m what you call a pill, the kind you don’t think twice about popping down your throat. For years you existed without me, but once I was invented, it seemed like man could not do without me. Illness, real or perceived, and it seems like I’m your constant companion.

Now, by myself, I may be relatively easy going. I don’t harm your insides or play with your mind. But you see, I’m what you call easily influenced. So throw me in the company of a few bad pennies, and I could end up confining you to the hospital if you’re not careful. I take on various avatars – antibiotic, antidepressant, pain killer – all of which you count on to keep you happy and high.

You see, when you mix me with alcohol, I not only send you into a stupor, but one from which you could never wake up.

When you put me and birth control pills in the same room, I make them less effective (so don’t blame me for playing spoilsport when you end up with an unwanted pregnancy).

When you combine two of my forms, say antidepressant and pain medication, you’re in deep trouble of going the way Michael Jackson did (and I’m not referring to his fame here).

I may be just a small aspirin pill, but shack me up with blood thinners and watch the havoc I cause.

These are just a small sample of the chaos I could possibly cause to your psychological and physiological systems. And no, I am not exaggerating here; in fact, I am downplaying symptoms and adverse reactions.

My kin and I exist to make your life better, not harm it. But when you abuse us, we are more likely to end up killing you. So even if we are available over the counter, even if we are easily accessible, use us responsibly. If you’re not sure about mixing us, consult your doctor and stay safe.


This guest article was written by Adrienne Carlson, who regularly writes on the topic of pharmacy tech certification . Adrienne welcomes your comments and questions at her email address: adrienne.carlson83@yahoo.com or her site http://pharmacytechniciancertification.net/

Thursday, September 10, 2009


This little ditty goes out to all the pharmacists who were tricked or forced into becoming immunizers by their corporate paymasters.

*Sung to the tune of "Womanizer" by Britney Spears

Superstar, Where you work? How's it going?
You took CPR in case a patient stops breathin'
Hope they brushed their teeth or had a mint or gum or somethin'
But I know what you are, what you are, baby

Look at you not gettin' paid more for this service
Baby, extra work for you my corporate puppet servant
Standing there like you really give a sh*t about this
I know what you are, what you are, baby

Immunizer, immu-immunizer, you're an immunizer
You, you-you are, you, you-you are
Immunizer, immunizer, immunizer

Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are
Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are

You got a needle
You got Fluvirin
But I can't do it
You Immunizer

Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are
Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are

You say I'm crazy
I got your crazy
You're nothing but a
You Immunizer

Swine flu, Fluvirin just won't cut it
Too bad for you, cuz the panicked people want it
No extra help with patients out the wazoo, makes it hard, it could be easy
Who you are, that's just who you are, baby

Lollipop, give em out to make it sweeter
It's just a little prick for the victim of the needle
Sure it's cheap, that's just how they want it
But it shouldn't make you sick cuz it's a dead virus, baby

Immunizer, immu-immunizer, you're an immunizer
You, you-you are, you, you-you are
Immunizer, immunizer, immunizer

Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are
Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are

You got a needle
You got Fluvirin
But I can't do it
You Immunizer

Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are
Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are

You say I'm crazy
I got your crazy
You're nothing but a
You Immunizer

Get that needle away from me, yeah
(Immunizer, immunizer, immunizer, immunizer)
Got your Epi-pen ready in case I anaphylax
But I won't, cause I eat eggs, yeah!

Immunizer, immu-immunizer, you're an immunizer
You, you-you are, you, you-you are
Immunizer, immunizer, immunizer

Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are
Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are

You got a needle
You got Fluvirin
But I can't do it
You Immunizer

Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are
Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are

You say I'm crazy
I got your crazy
You're nothing but a
You Immunizer

Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are
Hey don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are

Immunizer, Immu-immunizer, you're an immunizer
Oh, immunizer, oh, you're an immunizer baby!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Open Letter To The Douche That Stole Extenze

Dear Douche Bag,

There are thousands of products aimed at preying upon the insecurities of people. Extenze is a big one with an overblown marketing frenzy and infomercial empire.

Contrary to its vague marketing claims of "enhancing that part of the male anatomy" it only helps increase blood flow to the penis and nothing more. The only inches it adds are the ones where the tiny vesicles fill with blood to make your junk the human equivalent of a fleshy blood-filled water balloon. That's hot...and something that your body would do all by itself if you weren't strung out on illicit substances.

You see sir, many man-made chemicals and health problems can interfere with the delicate pressure needed to fill your penis. Some of the more common things are medications for high blood pressure and depression, overindulging in alcohol, and opiates usually used for pain but from the track marks on your arms and your general scruffy appearance suggests a quickie injection in the pain clinic parking lot. These things can make it damn near impossible to get a proper "hard on" and just leave you with a sad little limpy wet noodle.

The easiest way to make your junk appear a few inches bigger is to shave or trim the hair around it. It is also good courtesy if you want someone to put it in their mouth because nothing stops fun like a pube stuck in your the teeth. I am just giving helpful suggestions for your otherwise busted life. Perhaps getting straightened out will help you in more ways than one. Then again perhaps not. You will probably always be a total loser.

I will end with one final note. When you are pacing the back aisles of the store to make sure no one is watching and I walk by more than once to ask you if I can help you find something that means we know you are comtemplating the proper moment to stick something in your clothing and walk out with it. Another big tip off is if you loudly tell the pretend person on your cell phone that you didn't find what you wanted and would have to go to Wal-Mart as you walk out the door. We know the game and have busted hundreds of thieves. We know all the tricks and nuances of the "clever theft" so you are not so clever and on that note if we ever see you in the store again we will call the police or maybe the SWAT team because that would be even more fun to see you crap yourself when sexy men armed to the teeth put an assault rifle in your douchey little face.



Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Ding Ding Ding! We Have A Winner!

Plan B is available at the pharmacy for purchase with a photo ID proving the purchaser is 17 years old. The message on the box states "Prescription required for women under age 17."

A man called because he came in earlier in the evening and purchased a box of Plan B. He called very concerned that we had sold him the one for under 17 year olds and needed to know if it would still work for someone over 17 years old. I was speechless.

This guy must have swam out of the shallow end of the gene puddle. You know, the "gene puddle." Definition: a minute puddle cut off from the gene pool by global warming that allowed for the most severe degradation of the human genetic sequence resulting in acts or words of stupidity that defy even an every day Joe's imagination.

So I firmly and simply replied that the pill labeled Plan B is the same only the law needs a prescription for a young girl. He expressed great relief and after he hung up the phone I laughed so hard I almost peed myself. This guy is ready for plan C, ie castration. If there is a God he will never allow that guy's genetic material to be passed along but we all know from experience that the people who want kids have the hardest time getting pregnant while those who have no business with children breed like rabbits. Another winner indeed.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Endless Wonderment

Being a creature of the night leaves the daylight hours as a mythical land of chaos that I rarely choose to join. On this particular occasion I was begged by a desparate scheduler to cover a day shift because she had eight sick calls to cover and no pharmacists left to call.

I entered a veritable sh*t storm of printed labels everywhere, filled rxs sadly waiting for a pharmacist to verify, multiple messages on the voicemail, bags and bags of ready rxs waiting to be shelved or sold, a stack of faxes 50 deep waiting to be entered, two lanes of cars impatiently hitting horns or banging on the window, 15 people impatiently waiting in line, two technicians, and a pharmacist. I laughed. What else was I expecting during the day since McDruggie's cut everyone's hours and staff in half over the past few months. It actually surprises me that there are any patients left at all with the drastic decrease in customer service and everything taking twice as long with the Keebler elves allegedly picking up the slack.

Our wait time was 2 hours and mounting. The 3pm intern had been scheduled at another store so there was only one technician coming at 4pm. Even using the assistant managers as cashiers the situation was rapidly disintegrating to the point where I wanted to just say "F*CK IT!" and shut the place down. One technician had already been there for 10 hours with no break or lunch which is illegal and happens more than anyone would like to admit and on top of that there was a fiasco with a medicaid recipient that rapidly escalated into a shouting match between a tech and her at the drive-thru then they came inside to cause issues. I gave the prescriptions back but this wellfare princess decided we owed her something because she did not have her medicaid info and we were supposed to give it to her for free because being an illegal immigrant and crapping out some bastard children now gives you government paid housing and health care. What the f*ck? My tax dollars at work!

So she complained to management and said we called her the N word so I was forced to waste an hour of my time for this worthless piece of sh*t so she didn't die from her infection. Where are the "medical death squads" when you need one?... The way to save billions of dollars each year is to cancel all welfare benefits for illegals, children or no. You don't pay taxes here, you don't get benefits here. End of story. If you look on the books military and welfare are our biggest expenses as a nation. I say we cut the apron strings...oh that b*tch pissed me off.

So for salvaging the day I wondered on the drive home if the upper management jack off on bonus days because they sure as sh*t don't care about the mental and physical deterioration of their overworked, under appreciated employees. If the douche bags at the top want to change the system they need to work all day at a 1000 rx a day store with 2 techs and a manager as a cashier to know how we live every day to pad their f*cking bonuses.

As a side note this is why we use all of our sick days. Maybe upper management should think about that for a little while while they jizz on their desk.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Some Pleasantries From Retail

*An extremely intoxicated older man comes in to ask me for something for his prostate because he is always "hard." I told him we didn't have anything for that and he should talk to a doc. He picked up a bottle of Prostaguard or some herbal hogwash and tried to get me to be his playmate because he had a big one and he loved white women and had some very colorful and unpleasant things to say about his fellow Jamaican womenfolk and their naughty parts that were offensive and not printable at this juncture. He also tried just as eloquently to entice the other girl working in the store that night. Strike one!

*An older latino gentleman came in to get Viagra. No rx but he said a nurse gave him an exam and told him it was okay to take Viagra. So the overnight manager and I explained several times that here we need an rx so he should go back to the clinic and get one. Then I had to work on an insurance audit. Strike two!

*A girl and her boyfriend used to come in late at night and she would always shoplift things like makeup, a hair dryer, etc. Both overnight managers kicked her out of the store several times. Apparently the boyfriend was clueless to her five finger discount. One morning she even came in to buy a yogurt and my manager gave her the boot. We don't tolerate thieves. He told me last night that he saw her arrested for crack possession on the Women COPs of Broward County show. Strike three!

And just like Doug, "I'm outta heee-ee-ee-re!"

(FYI: Doug is a character from the tv sketch comedy show The State. I love those guys..and girl!)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Universal Healthcare

There is not a snowball's chance in Hell that we will ever get Universal Healthcare in the U.S. because ALL of the politicians against it are taking payouts from Big Pharma and several insurance lobbyists to make sure it never happens. I F*CKING HATE bureaucrats!

And to those who invoke the atrocities of Hitler and the Third Reich to try and demonize the president's efforts I reply: Das ist aber schade! (That is a shame!) These efforts to better health coverage for the millions of Americans who currently either have no job or cannot afford coverage are necessary. It should be subsidized by the insurance companies so they can still be competitive with current offerings and take the burden off John Q Taxpayer.

All of the money wasted on advertising for drugs and insurance plans could fund plans and earn tax breaks for the insurance and drug companies. They were getting an advertising tax allowance anyway. We should use it to better the system instead of piss it away.

And that is my 2 cents for the day.

Monday, August 17, 2009

The Dream Team

This is the kick off to a crazy week of people who need every prescription in their profile N.O.W. because a string of tropical storms are coming and they might have to evacuate or be trapped in their house for a week or more. It is gonna take the deliciously caffeinated "Dream Team" and everything the Keebler elves have to give to keep this ship from sinking. Do I get overtime if I have to stay since everybody's hours got cut and we will be doing an extra 300 to 500 prescriptions a day?

Red Bull and Ultra Violet, activate!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Light It Up

So tell me if you've heard this one before. A 43 year old woman walks into a store at the Mall of the Americas in Miami called Savage Boutique. She then douses herself with a flammable liquid to become a femme flambe and slowly sashay through the mall for approximately 2 & 1/2 minutes while shoppers watch in shock and two put her out with fire extinguishers but she keeps moving out into the parking lot. The smell of barbecue permeates the scene as paramedics rush her to the hospital with 3rd degree burns. A bystander said "This woman is just walking like this, (holding his arms out to simulate the flames and walking slowly), super slow, completely on fire."

Now I am no expert on psychosis but I can guess this lady had many issues and challenges. I wonder what pushed her over the edge. Did she lose her house? Did she have a major death in the family? Did she have an underlying chemical imbalance? Did she lose her job? Did DCFS take her children? Did her man/woman leave abruptly? Was she lonely and desperate for attention or affection? Was it a combination of any or all of these factors? No one knows. Hell, she will be "lucky" if she survives the burns and gets some psych help.

I can think of a thousand ways to die that are unpleasant. If you are going to do a "cry for help" spectacle I do not recommend anything painful and scarring. Most people either cut themselves or try their hand at an overdose, or develop an eating disorder but really if you feel that you are on your last leg I definitely recommend some different strategies.

1. Break something. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate or expensive. A plate works great because they usually break into big pieces that are easy to clean up later, unless you have Corelle, then you will be frustrated that the damn thing just bounces off the floor to mock you and your anger.

2. Hit something. Hitting animals or people can get you into legal trouble so find something reasonably soft so as not to damage yourself in the anger management process. Pillows, upholstered furniture, gym bags, bean bags, etc. will take the abuse and not fracture a bone in your hand.

3. Yard work. Nothing relaxes me like taking a pole saw to a few tree limbs. For those of you that have no idea what I am talking about a pole saw is basically a small chainsaw on a stick. It allows for some tree or bush cutting anger release with all the added danger of a regular chainsaw. Okay, strike that... Probably not a good idea after all...

New 3. Scream at someone. Telemarketers are awesome for this! Let one of those f*ckers call when I am in a bad mood and I guarantee they will never call again! I just know my number has a notation of "evil b*tch monster" or something similar on it so they know not to call or make a newbee call as a terrible training joke. If they are calling for donations they will get the "f*cking government takes all my money so I don't have any left over for charity" speech that probably rates below "evil b*tch monster" but higher than "mouthy snatch."

4. Write it down. A journal or typing on a computer can be a magical drain for all your hateful and self deprecating thoughts. When you are done you can read it and see how ridiculous you sound or delete/destroy it so no one sees how crazy or mean you can get.

5. Cry. I know many people live with the delusion that they have to be happy all the time and a perfect homemaker or parent. Hell, billions of dollars are spent on these delusions and have built empires for drug companies and home and garden companies for years. Don't put yourself in that position! We succeed because we learn from our inherent failures.

Look at the great inventors. What if Alexander Graham Bell gave up on the "telephone" or if Thomas Edison gave up on the light bulb? What if George Washington Carver gave up on domesticating the peanut? Where would my delicious peanut butter come from cuz I am not making it myself, Martha. The point is that one great thing comes from a thousand or so failures. It's just like that Kenny Rogers song said "You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away when the dealing is done."

So the next time you are super angry or super depressed follow one of my suggestions then dust yourself off and get help if you need it. Remember there are specialized services to fit your needs: credit counselors, life coaches, substance abuse counselors, various support groups, financial planners, and psychiatric counselors. If you need to, use them because anything is better than being flambeed!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Cute stuff

I know this crotchety pharmacist. He lives inside of me!


Pharmacy Hotties

I was really shocked by the negative reaction I received from posting link and encouraging pharmacists to post pics on this site. Sorry to have offended but we should all really celebrate what we've got.

Lecture over,


Saturday, August 8, 2009

You're Gonna Love My Nuts!

I saw this "Manager's Choice" display at McDruggie's. I wonder if Vince the Slap Chop guy told the hooker he beat up in Miami that she was "Gonna love my nuts!"? I do love the "Love my nuts" remixes of the infomercial on YouTube. They always make me giggle because that is one creepy looking pitchman. In fact, he is creepy enough to deserve his face appearing next to anal lubricant.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Face First

A 1.75 liter bottle of 360 Vodka is a magically smooth and beautiful alcoholic creation. It goes down so smooth that judging your level of intoxication can be a very tricky endeavor.

Such was the case Sunday when a couple of friends (gay male A and gay male B) stayed with me to party the weekend away. It started out innocent enough with fried appetizers, cocktails, and shots for lunch because spending a weekend off with friends shouldn't be wasted in any other way then we returned to my house. I had an active ear infection at the time so I put in my Ciprodex drops and retired for a 2 hour nap while they drank and watched Mama Mia. The plan was to go to a club at 10PM to catch a drag show and some free drinks.

I was awakened by the chirping sounds I recognize as "I am scared and confused." coming from my cockatiels. They quit making noise so I decided to stay in bed for a few more minutes then I hear a thud. Friend A comes in to wake me up and simply says "Please get up, we have a problem." I am assuming something got broken.

I walk into my kitchen and see friend B laying face down on the floor with his pants and undies down around his ankles. I laughed so hard I almost fell over myself. A was concerned that we may need to call an ambulance but he didn't want to because he was afraid they would think he was trying to rape B and they probably wouldn't take "I swear I'm a bottom!" as a good excuse not to involve the police.

So I spent the next 10 minutes between giggles telling B to pull his pants up because he was showing everything and I wasn't up for the free show today. Finally I gave it a last effort and told B I was going to pee and he damn well better have his pants on when I got back.

He repantsed himself and laid on the couch. I tell A to go ahead and start getting ready for clubbing and we would just have to leave B at home. So throughout the time I was getting ready A and I would ask B a barrage of questions to see if he had some brain hemorrhage or if he was just severely intoxicated. Of course he failed any attempt at sobriety questions but he wasn't really having problems besides confusion and a wicked headache. So he asked us "WTF just happened?" then went to bed.

We went clubbing and on departure A was lighting a cigarette and dropped it on the ground. He fell over in the dirt in a futile attempt to retrieve it and maintain some semblance of composure because a policeman was sitting not 10 feet away watching it all go down. Mission failed. I asked him if he needed help getting up so officer friendly wouldn't take anymore interest in our little show.

We made it home and the next morning B had a gigantic black eye where face met floor the night before. He didn't believe us when we told him his pants were around his ankles while he mated with my floor. I knew I should have taken pics. We assumed he was headed for the bathroom and dropped trow too soon and so ended up on the floor.

Moral of the story, don't drink 1.5 of the 1.75 liter bottle of 360 Vodka by yourself and top it off with two small bottles of Jagermeister. I offered to chauffeur him to the hospital for a liter of D5W and a liter of normal saline IV push and perhaps an MRI but he decided to suffer for two days and then had to fly home with a shiner. I bet airport security thought twice about letting him on the plane. His mom thought it was goth makeup because it was deep dark purple all the way around. I was hoping she would have thought I beat him up...hilarious!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

That Not So Fresh Feeling

Today I feel like a big ol' douche. I spent a couple of overnights working in a part of Miami where 99.2% of the population only speaks Spanish. I struggled by using workers on the floor and other customers as translators. I am not comfortable that the level of service was top notch and they all stare at me like a circus freak when I say "No habla."

I lay part of the blame on my high school Spanish teacher who let us watch Spanish cartoons and gave us the "Cancun survival guide" approach to Spanish. I can order cocktails, order food, get directions to my hotel and a bathroom but that is about all. Thanks Mr. F. You really did me a solid since I have never been to Cancun anyway.

The rest of the blame lies with me and my douchey American habit of saying I will learn a foreign language then never really doing anything about it. A friend of mine is giving me his copy of the Rosetta Stone Spanish set which is guaranteed to be the best and fastest at making someone fluent in a new language. So if it really works I will be speaking like a Miami resident by the end of the year and feeling better about my level of pharmacy service. So with that I issue a challenge to all health care providers to learn at least one other language if you are not already fluent in two or more. You never know when it might come in handy.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Top 10 Reasons Why Socialized Medicine Won't Fly In America

10. HMO's and PPO's would go out of business and leave thousands without jobs.

9. Prior Authorization would be the new "Gold Standard" for prescriptions.

8. No more free drug logo pens from Big Pharma.

7. Private practice physicians would no longer be able to afford McMansions with gold lined swimming pools.

6. One nurse for every 100 hospital patients.

5. Dentists will be limited to an x-ray machine and a Dremel.

4. Bye bye mid-life crisis Ferrari California convertible. Hello bicycle.

3. NASCAR bids a teary farewell to the Viagra car.

2. Soylent green is made of people.

1. Duct tape makes an awesome Band-Aid!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Death Is Sad

All deaths are sad. The tragic ones happen through accidents. The ubercoverage of Michael Jackson should not be just a celebration of a musician but a warning as to why prescription drugs are not "safe."

All prescription drugs have to be tested and safe to a certain point before they are allowed to be marketed to people. I have always had issues with douche bags who just give their friends an Ambien or a Vicodin or an Oxycontin and think nothing of it. These medications have the potential to kill.

I have always seen prescription drugs as being more dangerous than a 10 year old with a loaded pistol. Sure kids sometime kill other kids with loaded guns but many many more people die from drug overdose, interactions, severe allergic reactions, and rare side effects than even drunk drivers kill with vehicular homicide.

Don't believe me? Research all the deaths due to recalled drugs, pain killers, benzos, and hypnotics. You will be quite shocked at the alarmingly high numbers. Some of these will be in addition to "street drugs" but most of them are not. Impress upon your patients the "safety" of these drugs is not really safe. Giving a tab to your friend of buying one from a stranger so you can get "high" is a really bad idea.

If you want to get high buy some snacks, stay home and smoke some cannabis. Nobody ever died from that but it sure makes children's programming that much more fascinating and with the economy in the sh*tter you probably can't afford to smoke much anyway, let alone buy snacks.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


My lovely morning started with a total bitch on the phone demanding a refill on her BC in 15 minutes b/c she was in a hurry. Much to my delight, her prescription had expired. Upon telling her this delicious knowledge, she flipped! She demanded I fill it anyways and proceeded to tell me that "my technician" ( I wish I owned them) told me she had one more refill left and she lost her most recent packet and I need to fill it right away. I apologized, although my inside voice was calling her an idiot, and proceeded to repeat myself-it has expired despite the refill number and we will contact her MD to get it filled. She could also call the MD and explain to them what happened to see if they could rush things along. Well, Ms. Nasty panties got all huffy and told me "thanks for nothing" then slammed the phone down on me. DON'T YOU THINK I WANT TO FILL IT FOR YOU? WHY WOULDN'T I FILL IF IT I COULD YOU BEEOTCH! Laws are in place for a reason. Can't break them b/c you "lost" them. Get real.




Monday, June 22, 2009

Drive Thru Douchette

Dear drive thru douchette,

If you don't know how to fucking use a drive thru, don't use it! Why do we need a 5 minute banter about why you can't see me and how are you to get a "freaking" prescription filled if you can't see where I am? Did it not occur to your small brain that perhaps I am using a phone from a remote location to ask you if you want to pick up a rx or drop off a rx TO SAVE SOME FUCKING TIME? Do you see the Mickey D's teenage employee when they take your order at the big window b/c God knows you go their tri daily! See the big drawer in front of your dumb ass that is too lazy to walk into the store? By some miracle, that actually opens so that you may place your prescription in it. Magical fairies then fly over to sweep the rx from the drawer and little elves run around with their heads cut off to fill your vicodin stat. Whooooo hooooo! Why bitch at me and repeat to yourself "I can't see you!" Who cares! I don't want to see you either!


Monday, June 15, 2009

Check out my new BF in the pharmacy world!

I love this blog: http://mythresholdhasbeenmet.blogspot.com

My sentiments exactly!



...And Today I Cried

Sing to the tune of "SpongeBob SquarePants."

Tasty: Are you ready kids?

Kids: Aye aye, Tasty.

Tasty: I can't hear you!


Tasty: WHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO wants a big rubber d*ck glued to his car?

Kids: ScreaMing DoucheBag!

Tasty: Have his nuts cut off and put in a jar?

Kids: ScreaMing DoucheBag!

Tasty: Have a size 8 and a half shoe up his *ss?

Kids: ScreaMing DoucheBag!

Tasty: Be stabbed with a spatula on CCTV?

Kids: ScreaMing DoucheBag!

Tasty: Ready?
All: ScreaMing DoucheBag
All: ScreaMing DoucheBag
All: ScreaMing DoucheBag
All: ScreaMing DoucheBag
Tasty: ScreaMing DoucheBag
Tasty: ahhahahahaahhahaha

***CCTV is the security cameras

Yes kids, this guy was the icing on the sh*t sundae that had been my week. I was ready to walk out and close the pharmacy for good. Here is a summary of what he said to me because his friend dropped off 2 prescriptions, one for Xanax and one for Cymbalta and only picked up the Xanax.


At this point I am trying to explain to him that I will look for the Cymbalta prescription if he gives me a few minutes to dig through the files. He keeps screaming so I hang up on him and tell my technician that we may need to call the police because I am afraid of this one.

I found the Xanax prescription as he stomps up to the counter and screams. The Cymbalta prescription was nowhere to be found. So he screamed at me for 10 minutes and said things that were far worse than what he had screamed on the phone. I was terrified! Let me explain. I have never been really scared of anyone or anything. I wasn't even really scared just shocked to have a gun in my face at work but this was far far worse. I was S.C.A.R.E.D. and I broke down in tears. I was certain this guy was not kidding about jumping over the counter and getting what he wanted. The absolute last thing I wanted to do was have to scratch, bite, or punch this angry, psychotic, HIV positive motherf*cker to defend myself so I cried.

He screamed even more and demanded that I page the doctor but he called the doctor's office and screamed at the answering service instead. I just kept looking for the rx. A guy from the answering service called and talked to me to see if I was okay because he heard the d-bag screaming at one of the service employees sitting next to him and he was concerned about the situation so I told him not to worry just have the doc call if at all possible.

The entire time this scene is unfolding my tech is helping another patient and both of them look absolutely shocked that this is really happening in a public place.

So after I get off the phone with the answering service I try to explain through terrified sobs that the doc has been paged and I will fill his Truvada. The tech rings him out and he stomps away. A few moments later the doctor calls back and hears the situation. He authorizes the rx and said this patient is always "difficult." While I am on the phone the tech is handed the Cymbalta rx. The Cymbalta rx never got dropped off with the Xanax. Thanks a million "friend" of d-bag!

So now d-bag is trying to be all friendly, so sorry, smile for me, let me give you a hug. I'll pick up the Cymbalta tomorrow. I want to rip this motherf*ckers heart out and he wants a hug? The rx he so vehemently demanded and threatened me for will be picked up tomorrow? ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?????

I would have taken off the next three weeks for mental anguish if it had not already been scheduled for vacation. I need a long time to think and drown my pain in a few liters of vodka, a few liters of whiskey, and a pint of Jager for good measure. Christ in a cardigan, retail sucks!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Pharmacies Fight Back

There was an article in the Wall Street Journal about how Walgreen's will pull its Delaware pharmacies from the provider list for Delaware Medicaid. When reimbursement rates from the state are so bad that a chain pharmacy will not take the loss for thousands of prescriptions for the destitute to receive medicine we have a serious problem.

I see several causes of this problem:

1. Contrary to popular belief, wholesale drug costs do go up just like the cost of things like food every year.

2. Companies who use pharmacy as a loss leader for their business allow lawmakers to operate under the false assumption that all pharmacies can afford $4 prescriptions and thus lower reimbursement rates should be acceptable.

3. Increasing numbers of people on welfare stretch the money further and further to the point where states like California will probably go bankrupt.

4. Reimbursement rates from all insurance and welfare providers keep decreasing as copays increase to the point where many can no longer afford medications thus fewer prescriptions are being filled which can result in an increase of hospital stays and complications from people who should be taking maintenance meds but see the need to eat and have a roof over their heads as a higher priority, because it is...

I really hate the current medical system we have in the US today. The entire system is broken and there is no way our government will be able to fix it without a complete overhaul. Don't be fooled and think there is a solution out there. Ours is a profit based system and that will never change. There are way too many hands in the cookie jar that love love love those cookies. This means that no American will ever be sure that they have appropriate or adequate care unless they are a member of Congress and get a sweet sweet deal with their health plan or move to Canada, England, France, etc. and marry into citizenship.

The whole point to this rant is that even with pharmacies refusing to take state plans the system will not get better. It just makes it harder for people dependent on the state to get their treatment. Crap, I have just ruined my whole day thinking about it. Time for Chinese take out and Vodka, my meds for the day...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Oklahoma Pharmacy Robbery

Having been held up at gunpoint previously I can completely vouch for the initial adrenaline rush, terror, fight or flight desire, and utter shock after the event. If I had a weapon I guarantee there would be a dead robber or two but I work for a company that does not allow their employees to carry weapons of any kind. If anyone ever breaks into my home while I am there the perp will leave in a hearse because I am gonna make sure the f*cker never breaks into another home and terrorizes another living thing.

If you ever decide on the "thug life" and enter a home/business/etc with a weapon and the intent to rob/rape/murder/etc you have effectively forfeited your right to life by becoming a threat to society. I am a firm believer in the right to bear arms for personal protection and practice what I preach.

I am well versed in gun safety and grew up in the country where hunting is a common pastime and pretty much every household, including all of my relatives, contained several weapons ranging from pistols to high velocity repeating rifles and shotguns. My father took me on my first recreational shoot with real guns at age 8 and we had BB guns and pellet guns as children to target shoot in the yard.

I am not a member of the NRA but am licensed to carry and have a licensed 9mm semiautomatic for personal protection. The only thing I fear is the unlicensed thug with the stolen/unregistered/serial number filed off weapon. They are the only ones using guns for evil because it is not the gun that is the killer but the man that pulls the trigger.

Had I been in that pharmacist's shoes I would have shot at least twice to immobilize the first perp before running after the other perp. Two reasonably placed shots to the stomach will immobilize if not kill anyone. Internal bleeding is a b*tch when you nick the pancreas and/or spleen. You don't even have to be that accurate of a shot because both organs sit in a reasonably large space in the abdomen and are a b*tch to repair surgically usually resulting in a kill. Wow, I sound like a blood thirsty maniac...I am really only dangerous when provoked and only keep the gun at home.

As for the parents of the perps, I place most of the blame on them. Lack of family values and a gross disregard for what your children are watching, smoking, stealing, having a gun, f*cking, etc. and a lack of respect for life and posessions are your fault! You spread your legs so you could have the welfare check that lets you stay home and be useless to society and not parent your little "thuglet" so he did something stupid and got killed. Boo f*cking hoo! Tell it to Jesus because the rest of us don't care. We are sick of working hard to pay for your housing and the future incarceration of your thuglets. They all deserve to die if they are party to an armed robbery and if they rape children.

That's my story and I am sticking to it! The pharmacist should have all charges dropped and the parents should have all other offspring and their reproductive rights taken by the DCFS.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Pet Peeve of the Day

Hey there,

I know you don't mean better when you come up the counter and practically yell "hey there-what is THE BEST ______ (insert whatever you want her, for ex: antihistamine, pimple cream, diaper rash medicine, hand job) I can get over-the-counter?" I just want to scream back at you:

a) get some manners

b) hey is for horses

c) why would I give you THE WORST recommendation? Really? Why do people say that shit? It bugs the hell out of me!

YOU PEOPLE are getting FREE medical advice! Be patient and I will help you. If you are going to be a dramatic twat about your boo boo, expect shitty service.



Just To Reiterate

1. Having a little plastic or paper insurance card does NOT guarantee that you or your dependents have coverage. It even says so on the card.

2. Your card didn't work. Would you like to sign up for our lovely corpo discount plan for a better price on your $230 bottle of magic lotion? (Motion over the poster with my hands like Vanna White introducing a puzzle on Wheel of Fortune.)

3. Throwing a fit and rudely demanding the prescription back after we take the time to call your insurance company does not ruin our day as much as the representative telling us that your dependent is not on your policy ruins yours.

4. You annoying the sh*t out of a different pharmacist does not bother me in the least but the other pharmacist may beg to differ. It also doesn't change the fact that your insurance no worky and you will be waiting to hear the same bad news all over again.

5. I get paid whether I get the pleasure of dealing with your douchey attitude or not. That is the joy of "working for the man."

6. I will still give you a smile and talk in my most annoying high pitched happy voice while sh*tting in your Wheaties with the unfortunate insurance details because that is the corporate way.

Enjoy your Wheaties douche bag!

Oh yeah and for those other douche bags, protesting that you "made a payment like yesterday" or "deposited a check yesterday" does not mean your credit card is active again. It takes a day or two to process most transactions, especially if you paid with or deposited a check. DUH!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

It is never show and tell in the pharmacy you moron!

This post is dedicated to the lady who slashed herself in her bathroom 3 weeks ago and let the wound fester for that long, not changing her gauze as well which has now formed a matrix over her the infected skin on both sides of the weeping wound but cannot connect the skin together b/c that is what fucking stiches are for (BTW, she is not without health care benefits so no lectures please):

Do not EVER, EVER show me your nasty skin infection (minor cuts and boo boos are OK), your third degree burn(s), your babies infected weiner from a botched circumcision, your saggy tits, your shaving wounds, your pus ridden spider bites, your "rash" that is really just a nasty line of infected track marks, your fucked up bloody and smelly prison tattoos and your gnarly fungiced toenails. I don't want to see it! I am not a nurse or doctor (NOR do I want to be for you bitches that think we RPH's are jealous)! WTF?! Do I show you my gross chin pimples? Do I show you my infected mosquito bites on my ankles? How about my wooby? Have I ever shown you photos of Big N Tasties twat? Ha ha Biggie. ANWAYS, don"t do it! I will give you 200 lashings with a spatula on your pee pee or throw my mortar at your noggin! Gross!! In any case, keep that sucker clean. Wash it with a mild soap and some warm water. Slap some antibacterial oint or cream on it and call your dr if it "turns". Sorry-no snake oil is gonna help that stuff. Use some common sense!



Monday, May 25, 2009

Stick Figure Theater Act 1

This is dedicated to the douchebag who got snippy because I told him to read the package instead of explaining the whole damn thing to him because the start time totally depends on when his colonoscopy is scheduled.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Daytime Nostagia

I worked during the day yesterday. I haven't worked during the day in a very very long time. I miss the chaos. I miss running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I miss people throwing a fit because they need their narcotics in 3.5 seconds, not the 20 minutes you told them it would be. And the best part.....I miss having warm soda and a handful of Cheetos for lunch because that is all you have time for.

Nah, I don't miss it at all.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Some More Questions Answered

We got an email from someone interested in going back to school and getting a pharmacy degree. He already has a programming/technology degree with a decent salary but doesn't have any passion for his job. I have a few things to say that might not be what he wanted to hear.

The good stuff:
*7 on & off overnights if you can handle the crazy sleep
*Steady work during days if you can handle multi-tasking
*Good salary for a comfortable lifestyle
*Pretty cheap to renew license, including continuing education expenses
*Reasonably easy to transfer from state to state if you want or need to
*Health insurance, dental, and a 401K
*Paid vacation time
*People bring coffee, cookies, etc. if they really like you
*Plenty of stories for a blog

The bad stuff:
*Getting yelled at for something that is not your fault
*Being micro-managed by corporate
*More work than one person should be expected to do in 8 to 10 ours
*Mistakes can kill someone
*Drive-thru almost never stops filling up with cars
*Phones almost never stop ringing
*The general population is RUDE
*Thank yous are few and far between in modern society
*Jobs are drying up as more pharmacists graduate and get licensed each year

The golden goose that was pharmacy has laid its last golden eggs. The current economy and deplorable reimbursement rates from insurance providers are destroying pharmacies nationwide. Retail pharmacies are forced to use mail-order facilities and fewer human staff to make ends meet. My company has laid off many employees and will eliminate many more as they convert the entire chain over to the new operations system. Independent pharmacies are becoming extinct and even hospital and nursing home pharmacies are cutting staffing or going out of business completely.

If you look in the classified ads there are rarely pharmacy positions offered anymore. It just isn't what it used to be. I don't have a good outlook for the future of retail pharmacy as more 24 hour stores start closing the doors at 10pm to save money over staying open all night and big box retailers like Wal-mart crippling the competitive financial viability of all other retail pharmacies I would stick with the technology job.

Another thing to consider is your current debt situation (ie student loans, credit cards, auto loans, living expenses, savings, etc.), what income you would have as a pharmacy student, if any of your other education would count toward your required class hours for pharmacy, etc. I think that may be a question better answered by Susie Orman, financial guru.

For the student trying to get into pharmacy school with the sort of bad GPA you are probably screwed. Admissions do not really take personal things into consideration when trying to get into a pharmacy program. It is highly competitive to get into the few spots available. You will need to do some research on admissions requirements for the school(s) you are interested in. I have seen many students in Florida who try to get in and are denied. Maybe consider a different career path like nurse practitioner or physicians assistant. The pay is good the education is similar and they are a little more lenient on the admissions. Good Luck!