We bring the FAST and laughs to pharmacy.

Monday, August 27, 2012

I Still Hate F*cking Coupons

It is infuriating to run a claim, fill a prescription and bill the copay discount card.  The prescription sits in the ready bin like the perfect little Christmas gift and the patient decides to pick it up at a different location.  Not a problem. The magic of technology will reverse both claims at my store so the other store can bill them.

Phone rings. Shit! The secondary claim did not reverse and the other location called the card hotline but they need someone from out location to call to reverse the claim.  Shit! Now I have to waste my time on the phone with these discount card f*ckers to do something this f*cking computer system was supposed to do for me.


Happy f*cking Saturday... Just a tech and me in the pharmacy, lines blowing up with people and phones ringing off the hook.  Customer service is in the shitter and it won't get any better unless a miracle happens and we get more tech hours.  Does it take a human sacrifice? At this point I know several pharmacists and pharmacy managers who would be willing and have a list of names for the ritual.

I need a vacation more than a naked Randy Travis needs cigarettes...

What Broils My Patty

You know what broils my patty?  When some jackass in a suit says "Hey I have a great idea on how to make sure people refill prescriptions! We will have an automated phone call tell them they have medications that should be renewed."  All the other suits agree and after a round of congratulational hand jobs they have the squints in the tech department make it happen.

They send out some bullshit memo that doesn't really explain what is going on, make it a HUGE pain in the ass to take people off this particular call list, and don't make any type of announcement to the public at large who will receive these particular calls.

And in




We get a hundred or so people in the drive thru pissed off because the automated system called them and why isn't their take-home-a-sack of 20 drugs ready like the robot voice said.   "You need to fill them now because the machine called and said they were ready!" "I have this problem every time I come to McDruggie's!"  "Your staff isn't intelligent enough to run a pharmacy!"  "How do you expect to keep us shopping here with such terrible service!"  "I need your manager!" The list of complaints goes on and on and on.....

So a big FFP "F*CK YOU!!!" to the jackass that came up with that wonderfully painful idea that gets the already horribly understaffed and underappreciated workers on the front line yelled at repeatedly.  You wonder why employee morale is in the shitter and the satisfaction surveys for most stores are below 50%...

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

New Taste Sensation!!!

Too hard to get your Oxycottin on? Sick and tired of the same old Purple Drank? If you're not a rookie or a promethazine fiend and need a new S-Y-R-UP have I got a new taste sensation for you!

Dirty Sprite

This fabulous mix of 2 ounces codeine liquid, 12 ounces of Sprite and 1 or 2 grape Jolly Ranchers will have you shaking your shit maker til your pimp slaps you down! Want to get your lean on instead? then make it even dirtier with a crushed up bar of Xanax!

Dirty Sprite, get some!

**The bloggers at FFP do not condone the abuse of any prescription medication and believe that emergency services should stop treating overdose morons and let natural selection take precedence.

**Fake prescriptions for any and all controlled substances are a felony.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Congratulations! You're a Loser!

I am a body that fills in a space at any number of chain pharmacy locations in the large midwestern state I dwell in.  Different cities and counties have different laws concerning sales of Sudafed containing products.  Most areas have an rx only requirement but when I work at the ones that allow Sudafed sales with a government issued photo ID the antics ensue.

The only acceptable forms of ID are passports, military photo ID, driver's license or state ID.  Some people try  to pass off expired IDs, stolen IDs, library cards, public pool photo ID, employment badge, etc.  Each person seems overwhelmingly surprised when an ID is denied.  Sorry!

Depending on the white trashiness/ghettoness of a neighborhood I will keep a tally of how many IDs get denied.  It is kind of funny because they are always like "I haven't bought any in a long time." but the online state registry says you have so I give them the rejection printout with website that explains why they can't have Sudafed even though they already know damn good and well why.  I'm talking to you lady shake'n baking meth in the loss prevention room at a Wal-Mart...

I can guess with 95% accuracy which IDs are going to reject.  Such stereotypes are:  black guy with dreadlocks and stupid tattoos, black lady with scabby face and dazed look, white lady scabby and bruised (will probably also want a 10 day supply of insulin syringes for her grandma/cat/friend's dog), older black guy with bluetooth earpiece in and currently conversing to make sure he has the right package size/product, white guy/girl that is unsure and has to go out to the car or another person in the aisle to confirm desired product size/contents, emaciated young female wearing stupid sparkly clothing/eye makeup/smells of weed/already fucked up on something or another, dirty fingernail girl with dirty fingernail boyfriend both buying same product usually replete with stupid tattoos, homeless looking guy/girl with relatively new ID and exact amount of cash, guy that opens wallet with multiple different state IDs, guy/girl with ID from a municipality 2 or more hour drive away .  If you work in a pharmacy with ID sales you have seen and sent away empty handed all of these stereotypes because stereotypes have their start in truth and reality.

I emailed the DEA to see what they were doing about it and suggesting they take a statistical approach to weeding out meth cooks.  I told them they need to get the math geeks that helped Target figure out when a woman was pregnant around the 2 month mark.  Why can't law enforcement take all the sales records of IDs and match multiple purchases and state IDs then cross reference with welfare, tax, disability, and unemployment records attached to these same IDs and hunt the fuckers down like the worthless shit that they are.  Maybe I'm a little overzealous in the war on this particular drug but I despise what was once limited in scope to biker gangs in the 70s to now rotting the infrastructure of every neighborhood in modern society.

I leave you with my favorite rejection.  I had a middle aged black lady come in with a half smoked Blunt in her mouth.  She handed me an expired $2 off coupon for Aleve D Cold & Sinus. I told her it was expired and she was like "Auight."  So I scan the product then the ID.  It rejects.  She gave me the most well rehearsed stink/surprise face I have ever seen with the head cocked back and eyes wide.  She even took the Blunt out of her mouth and said "Say what?"  I almost lost my shit!  It took every ounce of self control I could muster not to double over on the floor with laughter.  It could have only been better if I threw confetti and released balloons like the Publisher's Clearing House Prize patrol.  Congratulations!  YOU'RE A LOSER!