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Saturday, October 3, 2009

Friday Night Fun

So my store was doing a reset on the condom/sex lubricant section at the store and asked my overnight manager for suggestions. We thought the disposable plastic gloves, enemas, and sani-wipes were a good start but for the true "orgy" experience we also need to add painter's tarp (or yard size garbage bags), febreeze, paper towels, scented candles, and an advertisement for our discount card that covers Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis. We sell orgy fixins all the time. Hedonism and venereal diseases are alive and well in South Florida!

Speaking of venereal diseases.... I got to fill what is lovingly referred to as the "Oochie Koochie Special": 2gm Zithromax, 2gm Flagyl, 150mg Diflucan. It takes a special lady to get that trio and I am proud to say is something I never have and never will need because I use condoms and you should too!

I also got to make an "anal fissure cream." There are several different ones we make depending on the doctor's preference. The most common are nifedipine, diltiazem, and nitroglycerin creams. I giggle every time we make one and imagine what the patient did to rip open their anus. Was it a really huge dump? Was it overly eager anal sex? Was it some freak accident? So many possibilities!

Finally, the manager calls me around 5am to tell me that a homeless woman is sleeping between my car and the bushes around the store. He wanted to know if I wanted to call the police. I told him not to bother because she would probably leave when the buses start running again, which is what most of them do. She wasn't bothering anything and if she doesn't mind the rats that live under the bushes, sweet dreams. I told him he should have the police arrest Michael Bolton for the musical atrocities he committed against mankind that I have to be tortured with several times each work day. That would be a satisfying arrest, along with Hall & Oates, and various other "adult contemporary" artists that drive me to madness. Why don't I have any control over the music? Ugh, that is the worst part of the work day, trying to block out the easy listening.


Anonymous said...

I can see why you would giggle about the anal fissure cream. However, FYI, nitroglycerin cream was prescribed for me by a GI guy after having a hemorrhoid banded. It helped with the pain a bit. I didn't do anything more interesting to get the 'rhoid than have a baby.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes the 'easy' listening genre can be as 'offensive' as generic odor relief, the kind kept under the front counter to mask the smell of vomit, and others--

First, I wonder why I immediately thought the VD/STD scattershot was for women, and I'm puzzled why carriers don't use condoms. Is all the polygamous sex as result of a violent encounter.

I see triple regimen drug charges a lot for ER visits, and wonder sometimes if there is hypocritical DISinformation about condom use in this area of the country's soy/corn/wheat suppliers.

Anonymous said...

glad to see you regularly update! i enjoy reading your posts. I am a new grad, just started working retail

Grumpy, M.D. said...

"Oochie Koochie Special"

That's great.

chuckr44 said...

Anal fissures can be caused by a pt on chemo not taking their antacids, and by an overly tight sphincter muscle. I kid you not.

Big 'N Tasty RPH said...

I think the problem with condoms is that guys are all like "...but baby it don't feel good if I wear a condom.." and other such nonsense. They do make condoms now that are extra large for better movement, less chance of breakage but still firm at the base of the shaft to prevent slipping off, and thinner latex that allows better sensitivity, unless of course you have a ho for a lover so that you are throwing the proverbial "hot dog down a hallway" at which point you might want to find a different gal (or guy). The other problem is that HIV is so down played here that they call it "the gift." Well let me tell you the multiple drug regimens and their awful side effects, not to mention frequent illness from viral/bacterial secondary infection cuz your immune system has gone to sh*t is not something to be taken lightly!

Anonymous said...

As a fellow "McDruggie" employee: fyi for the music, your store manager can ask the DM to change your station. And they are set for different times in the day. Meaning overnight can have pop, country, etc. Hope that helps! :)
And thank you for the smiles!

Vegancat said...

Anal fissure..one of the worst reasons you get them is the Crohn´s Disease. Nothing funny about that..but i found the nitro as ingredient funny.

That is something i have never heard before