We bring the FAST and laughs to pharmacy.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Smack My B*tch Up

A guy walked up to the consultation window to ask a question. His girlfriend walks up next to him and he said she got hit and they needed to know what she could use. She had a bright red shiner and a bloodshot eye to go with it.

I didn't even bother to ask who hit her because the way she would only look at the floor and never at him and would not even try to utter a sound told me he was the guilty party. I say I hate a lot of things but to see this gorgeous girl beaten by her douche bag boyfriend instills a deeper primal rage that perhaps a mama T-Rex would feel if her hatch lings were threatened.

I wanted to rip this particular piece of sh*t a few new air holes and a few new a$$holes. I wanted to go primal on his a$$ and make sure he thought about it R-E-A-L hard before he even raised a hand to another woman.

WTF? How bad is your self esteem that you allow a man to hit you, f*ck you, f*ck other people, spend your money, hit you some more, then lie and tell you that he loves you and you are stupid enough to stay? I don't want to hear the excuses.

"I fell down the stairs."
"{random kitchen item} fell out of the cabinet and hit me."
"I tripped."
"I bumped into {random stationary object}."

All you are to him is a f*ck toy, a punching bag, and an extra source of income. You are not seen as a human being. You are not seen as an equal. You are not seen as someone that should be treated with the least of kindnesses or courtesies. You are his b*tch and that is all you will ever be until you get the courage to say to yourself, as does Stuart Smalley "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me."

It just disgusts me to no end to even think about abuse and people who allow themselves to be abused. Even worse, most abusers never get a dose of the justice system they so badly deserve.

On a final note: That b*tch that suffocated her child and drove around with her body in the trunk of the car for about a month before dumping the body then tried to play it off like she didn't know what happened to the child deserves the death penalty. She should be sentenced to die in the manner in which she disposed of her daughter's body, tape over the mouth wrapped in trash bags and left in the trunk of a car until she starves to death and is dumped in the wilderness. Only then will justice be served.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Blackberry Applications for RPh's

Thanks Richard


Flu Shot F***ed Up Article

Greedy people suck!

Thanks Eric!


Friday, November 20, 2009


Well kids, looks like the "Supermodelquins" or "Douchequins" as I like to call them have invaded a South Beach McDruggie's. I can't say that the South Beach t-shirt will catch on with the locals like the sweaters and stripes did for the "Lady Douchequins" in NYC but this guy needs a hand! Maybe he was caught stealing.... Some societies cut off the hands of thieves and since many have referred to Miami as a third world country it would be a somewhat fitting fate although it would be more fun to use this "Douchequin" for batting practice.

Swwing, batter batter, sswwiinngg!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I Wanna Dip My Balls In It!

A guy came in with a prescription. The doc told him he could get it over the counter so I showed him the product. I reassured him that the Lotrimin by prescription was the same as the OTC version.

I handed him the 12 gram package. He was instructed to use it twice daily for seven days. He showed great concern that there was not enough in the tube. I told him that depending on how big the area of application was the tube would last several days.

He said it was for his balls so I again stated that depending on how big the area of application was the tube would last several days. He got the bigger tube. Then we had a nice discussion about how the same fungus that attaches to feet also loves the warm moist area around his balls but the cream could treat both areas if needed.

I also told him to resist the urge to scratch...

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Is it So Wrong...

Is it so wrong of me to want to put this coupon in every Valtrex prescription bag?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Another Thing I Will Probably Never Use

Dear Novo Nordisk,

Thank you for the Flexpen Demonstration Kit you sent to us. I cannot anticipate or imagine any patient who will ask us to use it. All of the patients we have on the pens were counseled on how to use them at the physician's office and rarely, if ever, ask a pharmacist to show them how to use it. I hope these kits were not a suggestion of my corporate paymasters and their lame a$$ attempt to get a volunteer to be the district diabetes specialist.

Most patients ask us for help when their blood glucose machines are on the fritz and they cannot figure out how to program, use, or change the battery. I hope you got a H-U-G-E tax break from the government for "learning aid/advertising" or whatever you categorize it under for the write off. On the other hand we did have a good time using them as potentially lethal squirt guns. It's always fun until someone loses an eye!

Gracias y buenos dias!

Big N Tasty

Monday, November 9, 2009

Micro Manage This!

I despise the uber-perky, I am always right pharmacist that micro manages everything. I worked with one of those last week. She really pissed me off.

1. Do not treat me like a 5-year old because I speak very little Spanish. I have worked in many areas where most of the patients only speak Spanish. I can hold my own quite well and can work circles around you as long as I have a fluent tech to explain the intricacies of insurance rejections. It is also rude of you to assume that none of these patients understand a lick of English. Many understand far more than you think they do and are quite funny when I apologize for my Spanish not being so great. The tech said my pronunciations are good and she understood everything I said. I only had 3 patients I needed a full translation for and only a couple times did I ask the patient to repeat what they said slower because it takes me a minute to do the translation in my head and if they talk too fast I miss some things.

2. I do not appreciate your two-faced attitude toward your technicians. The whole paging the store manager to call the tech and then telling him to write her up for being an hour late because you wanted her to work on the warehouse totes for an hour even though the schedule on the wall was not correct. You then proceeded to chastise her over the hour and then kiss her ass like she is your best friend the rest of the day. I don't like your dog and pony show.

3. I do not appreciate your assumption that I am like the sh*tty floaters that just stand or sit around all day and do the minimal amount of work. I actually do what needs to be done because I am there and getting paid quite handsomely to do so. The tech you chastised and I had over 2 hours to waste after we had EVERYTHING else done that we could find to do, including counting down the extra banks.

4. I do not appreciate every time you so rudely impose yourself into the middle of my patient consultation. I don't care what papers you have read or what your personal preferences are. I have my products of choice and it was my consultation. If there were no surveillance cameras I probably would have stabbed you with a spatula repeatedly. You were very unprofessional.

5. Do not treat me like a child because I look young. I have over a decade in as a pharmacist and was a student intern for a few years prior. My youthful visage only shows that I am aging much better than you are and won't need that laser skin resurfacing treatment for at least 15 more years or half as much makeup as you cake on to cover your micro-manager crow's feet and furrows.

6. Taking a few years off to raise your child does not make you any better than anyone else. Most people do not have the luxury of taking a few years off work because they have bills to pay and aren't in a fiduciary position to do so. You are just a self important douche and your child will grow to resent you and maybe even poison you for the inheritance because I am sure you treat your family just as wonderfully as you treat your co-workers.

Wow, I could probably add several more items to the list but as I am a polite blogger I try to keep the posts short and sweet though I tend to ramble on. I will leave you with a thought I had last night at the Dethklok, Mastodon concert: I am qualified to be a Kloketeer on the STD/Skank patrol. Maybe that is the job I should apply for. At least I would get to tour with the bands and have a good time.