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Sunday, March 22, 2009

High Hopes

Back when I was a mere Happy Meal cheeseburger (ie waaaaaay back in grade school) we used to sing the song "High Hopes". It was a fun little romp for us and some days my brain replays Sinatra and his kiddie collaborators just for me while dealing with douches.

For example:

Twenty seven calls looking for oxycodone or roxicodone. One guy even had the balls to say "I heard you got some in today." Nope, just methadone, ie the stuff you should be on in a detox facility instead of driving down to Florida from Tennessee/Kentucky to get the prescription then driving to Ohio, North & South Carolina, Virginia, Illinois, Missouri, Georgia, Indiana, etc. to find said pills.

"Oops there goes another rubber tree..."

The aforementioned callers getting testy with me because they do not believe that the primary factory for these was shut down by the government for not following the cleanliness and drug safety guidelines so it is really really hard to come by.

"Oops there goes another rubber tree..."

The aforementioned callers getting even testier when I tell them to go back to the doctor and have them write for something else because what they want is not going to be available for a long time. Some guy got really angry because he paid $175 to get that piece of paper that entitles him to roxicodone and it would cost him $175 more to get it changed. Sounds to me like you got caught in a fantastic money making scheme. Why don't you go to a real doctor instead of a licensed shyster.

"Oops there goes another rubber tree plant"

Patients' upset because that same manufacturer made their metoprolol ER and now they have to pay more for the brand until the generic is available again. How can the pharmacy staff be so heartless to charge so much money for their life saving medication? Reality check! Your heartless insurance provider sets the copay not the heartless pharmacy staff.

"He's got high hopes, high hopes"
"Big apple pie in the sky hopes"

I hope this week goes smoother...

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Idiot week

While I am on an ornery streak, here is a post from eons ago. Eat your heart out!

Apparently this week was Idiot week and I did not get the memo. What a rotten week and I have one more day to go!

Thank you, Dr. Moron, for leaving a voice message for 3 rx's 5 minutes before I closed on Tues. alerting me to the fact that the patient was on their way and may already be there glaring at me and wondering out loud as to "why" their med. wasn't ready.

Thank you, Mr. Guam dude, for yelling at me about your American citizenship. I don't really care and you can stick whatever citizenship you claim to have up your ass! I am not giving you 200 percocet that I feel you changed the quantity on without first checking with your doctor. Too bad-so sad.

Thank you to all the Plan B buyers! Yeah for the no breeders! It really should be free...

Thanks, dipshit methadone customer, for yelling at me in front of all my regular patients that I f%^$ed up the quantity of your prescription when I clearly explained why you are now getting the methadone 10 mg's instead of the 40 mg's. Need a hearing aid with that? Or a brain?

Thank you, Ms. 35 year old, for proving that a small tablet is bigger than your brain. Are you seriously telling me you cannot swallow that little azithromycin tablet? No problems swallowing the 120 vicodin you get a month, eh?

I already have one a-hole and do not need another so get out of my line to all of you cranky bastards who just want to give me a hard time. Yeah, yeah-some of you are sick and I respect that but don't give me shit just to ruin my night.

The list goes on and on...


Douches of the day. That's plural folks!

I am back bitches!! I felt really bad about Biggie floating the blog all this time so I thought I would finally write. Yeah right. She is just better at it than I am. :)

Recap for the day...

Sir patient douche bag yelled at me today b/c of the price of his Cialis medicine. He claimed it is much cheaper for him to buy his Cialis online. After a 10 minute staring contest, with me winning of course b/c I could care less where the hell he bought it from, he paid for the rx at my pharmacy and walked away whining like a 4 year old who heard the word "no" for the first time.

Mistress douchette yelled b/c she wanted a gift card for a rx she never transferred. Read the fine print bitch! Store manager caved. They both sucked the life out of me at that moment. Worse than the Twilight movie itself. Let me be clear here, Twilight tweens, Rob Pattison can suck me anytime. By the way Rob, my email is: IwantyourcuteyoungBritishbody@gmail.com

Dick douche, first cousin of first douche mentioned above, threw a fit b/c we "lost" his wife's prescription. Wouldn't you know it--it was at another pharmacy. I told Dick very loudly and stuck my chest out to boot NOT to raise his voice at me and he cowered! I guess I woman has never talked to him like that before. He was real nice when he came back today for his wife's med. Probably wants to buy me the Twilight poster, t-shirt and a date/dinner/somethin' else with Rob and Taylor.

ABC News "What would you do" featured a pharmacist lecturing a girl about buying Plan B. Yeah right. We don't really care who buys the shit b/c we don't want to pay for one more kid on the caid (Medicaid). In fact, I wish it was BOGO and in our water and in gum ball machines, sprinkled on pizza, complimentary with purchase of the Twilight DVD (email me Rob. you won't regret it), etc. You get my drift. BUT OH WAIT-I guess their are some tardo rph's out there who don't understand how it works and freak out on these poor kids who just want to take some responsibility (after the act) and get on with their life. JUST DANCE is what I want ABC and the EC rph's to know. You know who you are...

Baby douche's parents let baby D. crap all over herself while waiting for their rx to be filled and for someone to walk a pack of smokes back to their pharmacy. First class, all the way. Some days you are baby douche (shitty, crabby, hateful), some days you are the smokes (hateful, stinky and cancerous to the public).

Fuck 'em!


Monday, March 16, 2009

Murder Suicide

It used to be that murder suicides were few and far between. Most cases were a crime of passion in which one person could not bear the thought of their love being with another. Others were a man killing a pregnant woman. Now it is a vastly different picture.

Finances are tight for many people. There are more cases of suicide and murder suicide than at any other point in American history besides The Great Depression. I have seen too many cases where a person committed murder, suicide or both because they had excessive credit card debt or were about to lose their house, or didn't want their family to know about their gambling debts, etc.

What the f*ck, people? Get your head out of your ass and realize that you can file for bankruptcy and move on with your life. Learn from your mistakes and move forward. So what if you can't drive the mega big BMW SUV, so what if you don't have 50 inch flat screens in every room of your overpriced McMansion, so what if you don't vacation at luxury spas five times per year, so what if you don't have a $5000 specialty breed dog for a pet, so what if your black American Express is declined, who cares? Seriously. People need to get over their "stuff" obsession. Killing is not the answer. The only thing it contributes to is population control...

Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Paleontologist Could Solve It All

You don't think of a paleontologist as a scientist that could be on the cutting edge of human medicine but he may just get to where other scientists can't. I am talking about genetic manipulation.

Think of all the birth defects and diseases that occur when specific genes are expressed. If we could find a way to turn off those genes we would have the ultimate weapon in disease prevention! And cancer, one of the deadliest diseases, could be stopped without messy painful chemo and radiation treatments.

Jack Horner has a plan to turn off the genes that cause a chicken embryo to develop from its dinosaur predecessor into an actual chicken. We are talking no fused digits into wings and retaining its dino tail and teeth. A miniature dino that would be the greatest house pet ever...just watch out for your fingers...and it may try to eat your cat...but if it mated with a chicken you would just get a chicken...sweet!

I would also be interested to see what would happen if the genes that keep chickens relatively small were turned off. Could we have chickens the size of cows or would the sheer bulk crush their fragile hollow bones? What alterations would the Colonel have to do for a 10 piece wing and thigh bucket? Would it topple your car like the drive-thru brontosaurus rib incident on the Flintstones? So many fascinating possibilities!

I am going to follow this research because it gives me happy child-like B-movie thoughts of giant farm animals on a rampage. It would be far more exciting than Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Living Dead. (yes that is an actual movie and quite the hilarious busted mess that the title promises). Yay, science!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Pain Management Fiasco

I finally saw why these fly-by-night pain management clinics are so popular. I saw an ad on Craig's list for a Florida MD or DO for immediate staffing with a salary of $500,000 per year with bonus and an opportunity for partnership and profit sharing. Such is the way of the greedy lazy MD. These particular clinics do no diagnostics just cash for candy. You could print out a fake medical history and they will prescribe ANYTHING. I HATE anyone involved in such activities and wish them an agonizing slow death. Unfortunately this was not the only such clinic advertising. It is disgusting. It p*sses me off more than words can express!

And speaking of Craig's list, some dumb*ss posted a solicitation for cocaine in "code", oh like the police or DEA don't know what your ad was looking for. One week after the ad was placed the dumb*ss was arrested. Some people are so f*cking stupid I want to drown them and leave the body for the gators to eat.