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Monday, July 30, 2007

Continuing Education Credits

Is it just me or does anyone else find our CE requirements to be annoying and pointless? I don't really learn anything from them most of the time that I had not read on my own. Let us also not forget the corporate sponsored judicious bias toward their particular billion-dollar-a-year-making drug and the other modules that people wrote so that they feel important.

The proper way to "educate" the already educated is a well-structured, non-biased module that contains diagnosis, treatment options (chemical, physical, and mental where applicable), and monitoring parameters for the disease state and treatments.

I do not need a bunch of boring statistical, historical, or trivial factoids sprawled out in an article, especially if these are the things you are asking about in the "test." I need the facts and only the facts that apply to treating patients in the real world. The rest is a waste of my precious time that is devoted mainly to answering the difficult and potentially life threatening questions about how to start or stop poop (or in the heated debate with a manager last night: Who got more tail? Kenny Loggins or Peter Cetera? We came up with Kenny Loggins because he had songs in Top Gun and Footloose but I digress...).

To sum it up, I want my CEs to read like a chapter in The Handbook of Applied Therapeutics with the excess left off. Remember, we just need the facts.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

It's a Miracle!

While my fellow fast food bloggers have been experimenting with the fry-o-later and neglecting their blog duties I was visited by a higher power. And he said unto me, "I am God. Can you give me a dollar?" Since I was busy talking on the cell as I entered McDruggie's I was unable to respond to "God." The vitreous odor wafting from "God" told me that the dollar would not be used for any holy purpose (like a bath) but for a raging crack habit.

I don't have a problem with homeless people as long as they are not harrassing shoppers and patients. I had a couple who came in at 2 or 3 am at another location to use the bathroom for hygenic purposes. They never stole anything, they just wanted to clean up. I applaud their honesty and devotion to resembling and smelling like "normal folks."

I do have a problem with overly aggressive beggars. I had a guy one night that was following people to their cars and asking for money. Not cool! That is a car-jacking waiting to happen. He was escorted off the premises by the friendly neighborhood police.

I thought it was funny when this guy came in and sat in the pharmacy waiting room and ate candy bars. He looked crocked out of his gourd and highly uncoordinated as he ripped open a Reese's peanut butter cups (those are the greatest thing since sliced bread, I like them sober or crocked). I told the assistant manager to go check on his friend. Apparently this guy comes in about 3 times a week and does this so they finally got a trespassing warrant put out against him.

Crazy stuff happens every day at McDruggie's!

On a final note, homeless people are homeless for a reason. They made the life choices that got them where they are. I don't feel sorry for them. Your drug habit destroyed your life. Your piss poor money management destroyed your life. Don't ask me for a dollar cuz I have mortgage, insurance, student loan, utility, and car payments to make every month. I don't have "spare" change.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Children of the Scorn

It must be nice to be on medicaid. Other than the glitz, glamor and prestige of it all, you also get to treat the emergency rooms across the country as your own personal doctor's office. Got a child with a sniffle? Come the fuck on in! We have plenty of room and nothing but time. I'm sure the guy with the massive head wound won't mind you cutting in line at the triage desk. After all, children are our most precious resource. Heaven forbid one of them get a goddamned cough.

I was perfectly content this weekend to spend the wee hours of the morning pouring through In Touch magazine. While not a huge fan of pop culture, I find it a miracle of nature that Nicole Ritchie is able to have a human life inside of her (that doesn't also happen to be the person ass-fucking her at the time). But I digress...

My literary sojourn was interrupted with a tap tap tapping at the counter. It was a mother/daughter combo who had just gotten out of the ER. Apparently, the 8 year old girl had been suffering from a bit of constipation (no doubt brought on by a diet of macaroni & cheese smothered with a generous helping of couch potato). Her prescription was for Miralax - a laxative that has recently moved to over-the-counter status.

She was a medicaid patient. Since I had little else to do, I humored her and tried submitting the claim electronically so that I would have a rejection to drive my next point home. Alas, Miralax is no longer covered by our state's medicaid program as a prescription drug. Ever the helpful expert on drugs, I was able to quickly produce a small bottle of the OTC equivalent that was exactly enough for what her prescription required. It was also on sale (a rarity at McDruggie's) for the bargain basement colon blowout price of $5!

Of course mom wasn't real happy with that. Number one, she would have to pay for the medication. But two (and what I suspect really got her), she spent who knows how long in the ER for a prescription for an OTC product. I love to see our taxpayer dollars at work. If only she had bothered to come to the pharmacy in the first place. I could have fixed her daughter's problem rather expeditiously.

Mother and daughter were walking away when the real kicker happened. The eight year old girl turned to me and said "You're a meanie!"... and stuck her tongue out at me. Mom saw it, and did nothing to reprimand her.

Back when I was a little McRPh, I actually feared my parents enough to behave in public. If I had acted out as this small child did, it would soon become apparent that I would not need a laxative to fix my constipation. Indeed, my mother would have beaten the shit out of me - audience or not.

Never one to be outdone, especially by a child... I yelled after her - "You are an awful little girl! Normally I give boys and girls coloring books when they are sick. You get nothing because you are so rude!". Was it my place to do this? Apparently so, since she obviously wasn't getting the discipline at home. I almost followed it up with "If you stick that disgusting little tongue out at me again, I'll fill your mouth up with spiders"... but I refrained. I guess I'm just an old softy.

Phone-y Bologna (that's bo-lo-nee not bo-log-na)

Ah yes, as does each day bring with it a slew of inevitable conundrums it also brings with it a battalion of cell-phone toting morons. These modern-day techno warriors brandish their shiny flashy weapons at the first instant of trouble as if it were a security blanket that kept them warm and safe from all the evils the pharmacy holds.

1. Pharmacist: "The insurance card you brought in says the coverage expired on the 30th of last month."

Moron dialing cell: "Moooomm, my medicaid card isn't working. The lady said it expired or something and she won't give me my Accutane."

Boo Hoo....acne is lethal, you know...should have updated the info on your 4 children so I don't have to hear the whining from your 16 year old son who could pass for castrati. (castrati: young boys who were castrated to preserve their angelic singing voices into adulthood)

2. Pharmacist: "The refills on this prescription have expired. We will need to call the doctor in the morning."

Moron dialing cell: "{insert moron's wife's name here}, the lady said my refills expired on my Lunesta. Aren't there still refills listed on the bottle?"

Moron hands me his cell phone so his wife can tell me that the bottle says 2 refills before 6/03/07. I ever so politely let her know that today is 7/12/07 and that the refills are expired so we will have to call the doctor. I hand the phone back to Moron.

Moron: "Can I get a couple to hold me over?"

You can guess where this is going.....Denied.

3. Pharmacist: "Your copay is $100.57."

Moron: "My dad has Medicare to cover that. It was a lot cheaper last month." Moron dials his dad. "Dad they are trying to charge me $100.57 for your Lipitor. It wasn't this much last month." ...conversation drags on...

Obviously their handy dandy insurance agent signed pops up for Medicare Part D and never explained the "Donut hole." Lucky me. Guess what I spent the next 30, count 'em, 30 minutes explaining. Thank you government!

There really needs to be a cellular dead zone encompassing my workplace. Not only do cellular phones violate HIPPA they irritate the shit out of the pharmacy staff. I do not like touching your oil-smeared crusty phone. Who knows where you and it have been. Call me on the store line, Assclown!!! I will be appreciative and you will actually be able to hear what I am saying.


Sunday, July 15, 2007

"I'll Call My Lawyer!"

The new battle cry for "I know I am wrong and too stupid to realize it but I want to bully you into giving me what I want." Really? You have a healthcare specialty lawyer on retainer? Maybe you will get one of those late-night ambulance chasers from the infomercials. They won't even bother if they don't think they can win (didn't you know they take about 75% of the payout in the form of fees and court costs, dumbass).

My response is to have your lawyer contact my pharmacy manager and we will go from there. If you can find a lawyer that can bend the space-time continuum and make your refills not expire on your Valium I will enjoy that encounter, Really, I have a lot of quantum physics queries for him that I can't get an audience with Steve Hawking for. Until then you can go home and dial up your doctor's office and hope they have an on-call person for your "emergency" or you can take your miserable ass to the emergency room and hope they can fix it for you.

I will lecture you on being more responsible and you may get the same lecture from the emergency room staff. I hope each and every person there tells you about personal responsibility and how it is a pity you can't even manage one little teeny tiny detail in your busy life. I hope you don't have kids!

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Let Freedom Ring (in my ears)

So I worked the holiday. July 4th that is. Independence Day for our global and alien readers. It wasn't that exciting to be honest. We get the usual fuck ups that forget their life-saving medications at home (the first thing that should be packed besides your Plan B) and/or their brain.
The worst part about the whole day was the overhead music. Did you know that 26 versions of "God Save America" exist? OMG it was horrendous!! I AM NOT SAYING I AM NOT PATRIOTIC FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO GO DIXIE CHICK ON ME--but listening to "Yankee Doodle Dandy" and the Marine anthem for 9 hours gave me some serious tinnitus. It was awful. I am still bruised from the event. I rocked in the back of the pharmacy for awhile and it helped but I will refuse to work the 4th next year! Ugh.
Gotta go to yoga!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Le Douche Redux

Le Douche came back again this month. Oh no, same "No Refills" conundrum we had last month on the controlled substance......

It's a nailbiter...

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

No tantrum! Woo Hoo!!! Pharmacist 2, Le Douche 0