We bring the FAST and laughs to pharmacy.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Indomethacin, Colchicine, Vicodin
Guess that means you have the biochemical equivalent of glass shards in your big toes and may contribute to the funny wobble your over 400lb M & M shaped physique manages as it ambles ever so slowly to prevent my luncheon. This guy was the adult embodiment of Cleveland Brown Jr. from The Cleveland Show (yes I watch lots of cartoons, deal with it).
I prepared his prescriptions as he shopped and then explained to him what each was and what it did. He was already on Colchicine (so we didn't fill it) and Allopurinol to reduce uric acid levels to prevent gout attacks.....guess it didn't work... Did I forget to mention he was on Medicaid because apparently now being gigantically fat is a disability which is complete bullsh*t!
Along with the prescriptions he purchased the super huge bag of Sweet Chili Doritos, a bag of glazed donut holes, and a chocolate chip brownie. I see we are trying to keep the weight and the salt levels down.....
Seriously! What the f*ck is going on that our government allows this kind of bullsh*t to be paid for by the taxpayers. He is getting food stamps, health care, housing assistance, and why? Because he is so f*cking fat he can't possibly hold a normal job. So let him starve... This type of government wasteful spending is as shameful as the bank and auto industry bailouts! No one wants to take responsibility for their current living situation. You make the choices, you deal with the consequences! The taxpayers shouldn't have to pay for your fat lazy *ss!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
So, thank your lucky stars on those really rough days: It could be worse, you could be elbow-deep in a truly ugly wound, and need to scratch your nose.
And, when someone comes in and says, "Hey could you look at this..." and starts removing clothing, smile as you say, "That's not really my area of expertise, you might want to keep those pants on, thank you!"
This was all sparked by yet another bloody elbow wound on our border collie mix. In our house, the one with the most alphabet soup after their name gets to deal with anything icky. Pus, blood, nausea, and whining were involved. And then the darn dog ate her bandages off, again, so we get to start over tomorrow. (The dog is just fine, she's too ornery to let a little pyo get her down.)
Thank the heavens I get to go to work tomorrow, there's (usually) no blood there, barring another Deli accident. We still have Lysol:30 time, though, just in case.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Some days are even more disturbing, as the songs that were popular in our own hey-days are played...but changed, redone by bands not even born when the originals were released.
The worst is when you're mindlessly bopping along to a rare, old favorite...and someone catches you at it. Or, when 2 am rolls around and you're thinking of things you might have left undone, the faint strains of the day's soundtracks starts rolling through your thoughts, as if hearing it once wasn't bad enough!
Where is the defense for this, the subtle mind-bending of innocent pharmacy staff? They never warned us about this!
Beware of the Muzak brain worms!
Burger Doodle Chicks
Monday, February 22, 2010
At least three times a week we have someone come to pick up a prescription that we do not have, much less have the person in question in our computer system. Most leave after yelling at us after they realize this is not ABC Pharmacy, this is XYZ Pharmacy, clearly labeled on several areas in the store, including the large blinking sign out front. Every time this happens, I always wonder does McDonald's and Burger King have to deal with this lack of genius?
- McFury CPhT
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
The stupid of the day went to a reverend that denied picking up his Viagra script and yelled that we were keeping from his duties. What kind of church he runs, I don't want to know. (The pharmacist found his signature on the pick up log within 5 minutes. Bwah!)
Also, last week, we filled a Suboxone script for a woman that elected to stare at me type the script instead of using our handy waiting area. While waiting, her and her boyfriend were browing our selection of pill cases, cutters and the like. Boyfriend spots a pill crusher. "Hey," he says, "that's when you crush Oxys!" Dumm-y, all the way. I told my pharmacist after they left and she just shook her head. What can you do, really?
Friday, February 19, 2010
I LOVE wound inquiries because many times they have a good story attached. Any time I get a patient in from the ER with a bandaged finger, hand or arm I will ask them "Did you try to cut it off or just break it?" Many times I will get a laugh and a story because they are already full of pain killers and need a little something to forget about the sh*t sandwich life has given them to eat today.
So her friend had a boil under her breast that popped. So she just slapped a Band-Aid over it and went about her life. Several days later it is a big stinky hole and she still just keeps it covered with a Band-Aid because she is too embarrassed to ask a medical professional about it.
This leads me to think to myself, "Self? What holes on the human body normally stink?"
The nasal openings don't stink unless there is an infection in them.
The mouth stinks when you haven't brushed in a while because it is a cesspool of bacterial activity.
Skin pores don't normally stink unless you sweat a lot and/or don't bathe on a regular basis.
The anal opening will smell a little like poop no matter what you do because it is a sewer opening.
The vagina under normal operating conditions is pretty much odorless unless Aunt Flo is visiting or you have a swarm of yeast or bacteria hijacking your pleasure pool.
The urethra will generally have a pee smell but will smell worse when infection in the urinary tract is present or you eat asparagus.
So the prevailing answer is infection! DING DING DING, WE HAVE A WINNER!!! Bacteria find our subdermal soft tissue delicious! We are the walking talking microbial equivalent of a Las Vegas buffet: open 24/7 and a nice comfortably warm place that tempts you to stay f-o-r-e-v-e-r.
So I tell her to relay this very important message to her friend: Clean the stinky hole out with hydrogen peroxide, cover with Band-Aid and call her primary care physician as soon as the office opens in the morning or go to urgent care to get some oral antibiotics. She is well beyond the point where Neosporin and a Band-Aid will fix it. It will get much much worse if not treated now.
This also leads me to wonder how people can let something fester like that and not even think about seeing a medical provider. Hey Captain Obvious, it is getting bigger and it stinks. Get some antibiotics, for f*ck's sake!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
We're in a rural community on the edge of the plains, with a drive-thru window borrowed/stolen from Burger Doodle...that faces the wind. It's especially entertaining when (like today) the North wind sweeps down with snow, coating everything-money, prescriptions, and one side of our faces-with slushy white stuff. The wind/rain/snow also brings out the secret chatty side of folks, who seem to love watching our teeth chatter and noses turn blue while asking question after question.
Just today, we got a classic phone call, a gentleman looking for syringes. "What size?" was met with an, "I don't know, 23?" for what volume..."the usual?" and the kicker question, "What are you using them for?" (Innocently meant, as we do quite a bit of veterinary work...) you guessed it! "I don't have to tell you that, do I? It's not required." Turns out, all we have are horse needles in that size. So sad.
So stay tuned for more adventures from the plains and the next chapter in the Hidden Hazards of Pharmacy series.
Burger Doodle Chicks
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
A few points about myself-
I'm a technician, have been for almost 8 years, which cracks me up. I cruised into the store that I work at one day, looking for a part time gig that was close to my house, and now I'm our head tech. Turns out I'm a pharmacy geek and my only regret is that I discovered this at 22 and not in school, where I could have actually went to pharmacy school. I work for a big corporate pharmacy, which has good and bad points (it's so great never having to figure reimbursements or AWP, my nifty system does that for me, but it's bad having boss upon boss upon boss). We're considered a bad store, because of our depressed, mostly ethnic neighborhood and because we're the Medicaid store. I happen to love our store and our pharmacy team rocks! Still, we have our share of crackheads. Did I mention I hate crackheads? Because I do, a lot. I'm sure you're familiar with the excuses, and the "I need one pack of 1 cc syringes, for my grandma" while visibly twitching. Oh man do I hate the crackheads!
So, long story short, tech, ranty, hates crackheads. I will have plenty of stories to share, believe me.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
$5 Footlong (I think we may already have that one covered by a tech)
Cold Cut Combo
Spicy Snack Box (gonorrhea?)
Chicken & Biscuit
The King (might have to fight Elvis's ghost for that one)
Cinnamon Cluster (sounds like a disease not a dessert)
Want Fries With That?
Eat More Cows
Fudge Nut Brownie (sounds like something from a porn, like a Hot Carl)
Spicy Nuggets (isn't that what happens with jock itch?)
Home Style Chicken
Fish N Chips
Shrimp Scampi (another name for body lice)
Frosty-cino (gotta have a gangsta')
Run For The Border
Outside The Bun
Pintos N Cheese
Fiesta Platter (sounds fun)
Saturday, February 13, 2010
I wish you were my personal pharmacists!
Good Morning Fast Food Pharmacists!
I have been a tech (CPhT) for 3 years now in Florida Keys and now Virginia. My current store has some of the craziest customers I have ever encountered in retail pharmacy. For example, Wednesday an elderly man comes to the pick up counter with a Santa hat on, I ask him if he needs assistance only to have him open his cigarette pack and dump a "found" baggie of marijuana on the counter. He walks away like nothing was odd about this encounter. It is in our lost and found, you know, just in case.
Mc Furry. (kind of like Mc Flurry, but with more anger)
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I can't wait for my next vacation. Sigh..
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Bayer, I was lovestruck with this new glucometer. Small, easy to use, and for the tech savvy diabetic a dream come true.
Yes kids, this glucometer is also a USB drive that stores all of your testing data and comes with software that charts your data so you get a visual representation of your glucose control. You can also print out the readings and charts to take with you for doctor office visits.
I don't know about you but I prefer to see a picture rather than just a bunch of numbers on a page. For many, visual references give an easier interpretation of data points. It is like giving a patient that "Aha!" moment so they better understand what is going on inside their body.
It would make a great gift...hint hint...
Enjoy the Valentine's season and remember if you have to have chocolate go for the sugar free!
Monday, February 1, 2010
The next item on the list was to work out on a regular basis instead of sporadically. I have been recording shows off Fit TV at random so I have a different 20-30 minute workout each time. One show that recorded was Shimmy. For the unanointed, Shimmy is a belly dance workout that starts out all innocent then gets a little weird. It morphs into a 1980's music video minus the Whitesnake. Picture girls in belly dance outfits in industrial backdrops like a utilitarian hallway with flashing overhead lights, a coal-burning plant at night so you can see the flames, or a street with fires burning in barrels with the girls shimmying around them while the voice over tells you which body part should be shimmying.
The first time I chanced upon Shimmy I laughed to the brink of urinary sphincter failure. You can't write that sh*t but workout comedy happens. It's like watching the train wreck that is 80's jazzercise complete with bodysuits, tights, and leg warmers or Sweatin' to the Oldies with Richard Simmons and a bunch of crazy fat people in busted clothing.
The next thing I did was Zoom! tooth bleaching. I am impatient with Crest Whitestrips and the many other OTC variations. I didn't want to wait several weeks for great results, I wanted results now.
The Zoom! process is not as glamorous as it seems on TV. The first step is to put a big plastic lip spreader in so there is no skin blocking your teeth. Then next step is to put a protective sealant on the gums so the bleach does not fry them like bacon. Then gauze is packed in the cheeks to protect them from bleach. After everything was put in place I felt like the cenobite from Hellraiser with the lips peeled back that chattered his teeth. All I needed was a skull cap and a leather dress then I would be "Ready for my close up, Mr. De Mill!"
The bleach was applied and I was hooked up to the special light with protective eye wear and my iPod buzzing. The bleaching itself is done in 15 minute stretches with a wipe off and reapplication of bleach between each stretch. The process is tedious, all of my bleached teeth hurt by the end, and I had a 3 hour road trip afterwards to visit friends at the beach on Florida's west coast. Good times!
I had a sensitivity gel to apply with custom trays from a tooth impression we did when I had the consult. I now have an exact replica of my teeth. It makes me feel like the Tooth Fairy in Red Dragon only I don't plan on using them as dentures. Maybe I will display them in a jar of white pebbles so that it looks like an elderly person's floating dentures. An interior decorator's dream!
The results of Zoom! are phenomenal. I was amazed at the degree of whiteness achieved from an hour of torture. As long as I take care of my teeth and do a touch up with my trays every once in a while my teeth will stay freakishly glow-in-the-blacklight celebrity white. Mission accomplished!