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Sunday, May 31, 2009

Pet Peeve of the Day

Hey there,

I know you don't mean better when you come up the counter and practically yell "hey there-what is THE BEST ______ (insert whatever you want her, for ex: antihistamine, pimple cream, diaper rash medicine, hand job) I can get over-the-counter?" I just want to scream back at you:

a) get some manners

b) hey is for horses

c) why would I give you THE WORST recommendation? Really? Why do people say that shit? It bugs the hell out of me!

YOU PEOPLE are getting FREE medical advice! Be patient and I will help you. If you are going to be a dramatic twat about your boo boo, expect shitty service.



Just To Reiterate

1. Having a little plastic or paper insurance card does NOT guarantee that you or your dependents have coverage. It even says so on the card.

2. Your card didn't work. Would you like to sign up for our lovely corpo discount plan for a better price on your $230 bottle of magic lotion? (Motion over the poster with my hands like Vanna White introducing a puzzle on Wheel of Fortune.)

3. Throwing a fit and rudely demanding the prescription back after we take the time to call your insurance company does not ruin our day as much as the representative telling us that your dependent is not on your policy ruins yours.

4. You annoying the sh*t out of a different pharmacist does not bother me in the least but the other pharmacist may beg to differ. It also doesn't change the fact that your insurance no worky and you will be waiting to hear the same bad news all over again.

5. I get paid whether I get the pleasure of dealing with your douchey attitude or not. That is the joy of "working for the man."

6. I will still give you a smile and talk in my most annoying high pitched happy voice while sh*tting in your Wheaties with the unfortunate insurance details because that is the corporate way.

Enjoy your Wheaties douche bag!

Oh yeah and for those other douche bags, protesting that you "made a payment like yesterday" or "deposited a check yesterday" does not mean your credit card is active again. It takes a day or two to process most transactions, especially if you paid with or deposited a check. DUH!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

It is never show and tell in the pharmacy you moron!

This post is dedicated to the lady who slashed herself in her bathroom 3 weeks ago and let the wound fester for that long, not changing her gauze as well which has now formed a matrix over her the infected skin on both sides of the weeping wound but cannot connect the skin together b/c that is what fucking stiches are for (BTW, she is not without health care benefits so no lectures please):

Do not EVER, EVER show me your nasty skin infection (minor cuts and boo boos are OK), your third degree burn(s), your babies infected weiner from a botched circumcision, your saggy tits, your shaving wounds, your pus ridden spider bites, your "rash" that is really just a nasty line of infected track marks, your fucked up bloody and smelly prison tattoos and your gnarly fungiced toenails. I don't want to see it! I am not a nurse or doctor (NOR do I want to be for you bitches that think we RPH's are jealous)! WTF?! Do I show you my gross chin pimples? Do I show you my infected mosquito bites on my ankles? How about my wooby? Have I ever shown you photos of Big N Tasties twat? Ha ha Biggie. ANWAYS, don"t do it! I will give you 200 lashings with a spatula on your pee pee or throw my mortar at your noggin! Gross!! In any case, keep that sucker clean. Wash it with a mild soap and some warm water. Slap some antibacterial oint or cream on it and call your dr if it "turns". Sorry-no snake oil is gonna help that stuff. Use some common sense!



Monday, May 25, 2009

Stick Figure Theater Act 1

This is dedicated to the douchebag who got snippy because I told him to read the package instead of explaining the whole damn thing to him because the start time totally depends on when his colonoscopy is scheduled.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Daytime Nostagia

I worked during the day yesterday. I haven't worked during the day in a very very long time. I miss the chaos. I miss running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I miss people throwing a fit because they need their narcotics in 3.5 seconds, not the 20 minutes you told them it would be. And the best part.....I miss having warm soda and a handful of Cheetos for lunch because that is all you have time for.

Nah, I don't miss it at all.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Some More Questions Answered

We got an email from someone interested in going back to school and getting a pharmacy degree. He already has a programming/technology degree with a decent salary but doesn't have any passion for his job. I have a few things to say that might not be what he wanted to hear.

The good stuff:
*7 on & off overnights if you can handle the crazy sleep
*Steady work during days if you can handle multi-tasking
*Good salary for a comfortable lifestyle
*Pretty cheap to renew license, including continuing education expenses
*Reasonably easy to transfer from state to state if you want or need to
*Health insurance, dental, and a 401K
*Paid vacation time
*People bring coffee, cookies, etc. if they really like you
*Plenty of stories for a blog

The bad stuff:
*Getting yelled at for something that is not your fault
*Being micro-managed by corporate
*More work than one person should be expected to do in 8 to 10 ours
*Mistakes can kill someone
*Drive-thru almost never stops filling up with cars
*Phones almost never stop ringing
*The general population is RUDE
*Thank yous are few and far between in modern society
*Jobs are drying up as more pharmacists graduate and get licensed each year

The golden goose that was pharmacy has laid its last golden eggs. The current economy and deplorable reimbursement rates from insurance providers are destroying pharmacies nationwide. Retail pharmacies are forced to use mail-order facilities and fewer human staff to make ends meet. My company has laid off many employees and will eliminate many more as they convert the entire chain over to the new operations system. Independent pharmacies are becoming extinct and even hospital and nursing home pharmacies are cutting staffing or going out of business completely.

If you look in the classified ads there are rarely pharmacy positions offered anymore. It just isn't what it used to be. I don't have a good outlook for the future of retail pharmacy as more 24 hour stores start closing the doors at 10pm to save money over staying open all night and big box retailers like Wal-mart crippling the competitive financial viability of all other retail pharmacies I would stick with the technology job.

Another thing to consider is your current debt situation (ie student loans, credit cards, auto loans, living expenses, savings, etc.), what income you would have as a pharmacy student, if any of your other education would count toward your required class hours for pharmacy, etc. I think that may be a question better answered by Susie Orman, financial guru.

For the student trying to get into pharmacy school with the sort of bad GPA you are probably screwed. Admissions do not really take personal things into consideration when trying to get into a pharmacy program. It is highly competitive to get into the few spots available. You will need to do some research on admissions requirements for the school(s) you are interested in. I have seen many students in Florida who try to get in and are denied. Maybe consider a different career path like nurse practitioner or physicians assistant. The pay is good the education is similar and they are a little more lenient on the admissions. Good Luck!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Achtung, Baby!

I was swapping out a toner cartridge on the ol' print-o-matic-paper-eating-ink-smearing-data-page-maker (ie elderly Lexmark printer) when I was stopped in my tracks by the warning image. What is supposed to be a depiction of a person choking with a plastic bag over their head and a baby crawling with a plastic bag over its head looked a bit pornographic.

The first person looks like it has a really bad square haircut but is either trying to give itself the Heimlich maneuver, sing soprano, or suck the sh*t out of a wiener. The second picture looks like asphyxiation cos play...a person dressed in a onesie with what appears to be a strand of anal beads or a tail and a bag over their head. Maybe they raided Perry Farrell's wardrobe for that one or maybe they watched too much sh*t on YouPorn.com before they drew these warnings.

I do not consider myself a connoisseur of the pornographic but when I think about my college years when McRPH set a girl's computer to show video of a girl sucking off a horse every time she turned it on (get it...turned it on...) and told her it must have been a virus she picked up on the interweb I laugh. McRPH and I also liked to send free trial issues of homosexual bondage porn to douchey guys at school. We may have been the demise of the aforementioned mag because I am sure only one or two of them bought a subscription. He also sent a high school friend a blow up doll for his birthday. That guy didn't talk to us after that...what a stick in the mud. I know guys that would love a Blow-up Doll of the Month Club. Maybe that is my ticket out of pharmacy. The gift that keeps on giving and taking.

Oh my God, that is it! The first pic is a blow up doll! Silly warning illustrators, we are on the same page! Achtung indeed!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

It's Gotta Be An Ape Man

I walk into work and everyone is busy. I do the usual and ask if there is anything I need to know before everyone abandons me like a child at the mall who's parents are never coming back. Of course there are a hand full of calls that need to be made and a couple of compounds, the usual.

Then everyone kind of giggles and lets me know that the lady in the waiting room has been sitting there for a couple of hours and whenever they try to talk to her she babbles and told them something about being attacked. Everyone leaves and I ask the woman if she needed anything and she said no she just needs to sit for a few minutes. No problem.

About an hour later the manager wants to know how long she has been here. I told him about 3 hours so he comes out of the office and talks to her. She tells him that she was attacked by a primordial. "What is a primordial?" he asked. She told him it was a half man half ape. Damn the luck! All these years people have been looking for Sasquatch and it has been hiding in south Florida all along.

I am looking for funding to start a Sasquatch hunting expedition into the waterways of south Florida. I will require surveillance equipment, a snazzy mini-yacht, and a crew. We will use her as bait since he already has her stank on him and we should have a viable Sasquatch in captivity by the end of the year. Yay biological discovery!

Ha ha..... The manager calls the police and we wait. When they arrive the cashier up front tells them that she said she was attacked by Bigfoot. They knew exactly who she was and told the manager she was usually much further south than where we were. I would love to hear them all sit around and trade stories of Sasquatch lady and the nude dude, etc. They probably have as many comedy stories as health care workers, if not more.

This just reminds me of the song "Ape Man" by Zombina & the Skeletones...
whooooaaaaoooo It's Gotta be an ape man, whooooaaaaoooo

Monday, May 11, 2009

Shame On You Pop-Tarts

I was watching television the other day and I ran across a cartoon commercial for Pop-Tarts where a bunch of kids go to an ice cream stand and get a sandwich of Pop-Tarts and ice cream, bowls of ice cream with a Pop-Tart sticking out, and Pop-Tarts on a stick like an ice cream bar. For real???

Let me break down that Pop-Tart for you. My strawberry Pop-Tart box lists the serving size as ONE Pop-Tart even though they are bagged in pairs. The nutrition facts for ONE Pop-Tart are: 200 calories, 5 grams of fat, 170mg of sodium, 17 grams of sugar and 2 grams of protein. So the commercial promotes the eating of TWO Pop-Tarts with a thick layer of ice cream in the middle so a better representation of the "happy" kids would give them the body shape of a soccer ball.

I see this as a gross irresponsibility in advertising. With the U.S. having the highest childhood obesity rates we desperately need some kind of corporate responsibility in advertising. I know you are going to say "...but Tasty, it is the parents job to make nutritional choices for their children..." and to that I am going to say that 85% of parents cave in and give their children all the sugary crap they want just to shut them up.

Have you watched kids get off the bus at any elementary school? A majority of them are morbidly obese. Many are carrying double the acceptable weight for their age and height. These are the kids that will endure the potentially fatal ravages of coronary artery disease in their thirties. Parents you are KILLING your children. This is like drowning your child in a vat of fat until it slowly suffocates. Why did you even bother having a baby?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Naplex and the MPJE

A fifth year pharmacy student with 3 semesters left had several questions about the "Big Tests" so I will try to give honest and supportive answers.

1. Which is the more important exam, Naplex or MPJE?

Both. The Naplex content is designed to test your working knowledge of medications, interactions, adverse reactions, contraindications, etc. They basically want to know if you are more or less likely to kill a patient. The ultimate goal is to not kill any patients.

The MPJE content is designed to test your working knowledge of pharmacy law and see if you are likely to be wreckless in your practice or if you will be careful. Laws are designed to protect people and you need to follow them, even if they seem a little mundane.

2. What did you and your classmates study from when you took the Naplex/MPJE?

For the MPJE I studied the law manuals from the state I was being licensed in along with course materials from our law class for federal pharmacy law. Each state has an MPJE tailored to its laws so each exam will have different content depending on which state you want a license for. I have licenses in 2 states and had to take an MPJE for each of them but the Naplex score transfers from state to state depending on their regulations. Some states require you to take the Naplex and MPJE if you are transferring from another state. You will have to check with the Board of Pharmacy website for the state(s) you are interested in for the details and requirements.

For the Naplex I studied everything! I structured my studies by taking each class of drugs and listing all the things about them that were the same (indications, adverse reactions, interactions, etc.) then I broke down each drug by what makes it unique (duration of activity, dosing, unique side effects, unique interactions, etc). Be sure to focus on drugs you are not as strong with. The exam could focus on cancer drugs or HIV drugs or many other drugs that you probably didn't get the best emphasis on so follow the scouting mantra "Be prepared!"

3. When did you start to study for Naplex/MPJE? and Are live prep courses like Kaplan good for Naplex/MPJE review?

I started studying after our last class was out and we were ready to graduate. Most of the things you need to study you should already know. Don't doubt yourself. The Naplex sucks and will destroy you if you self-doubt while you are sitting in the exam. Structure your studies, make flash cards, study with a group, take a review course or any means necessary to make sure you know as much as possible.

4. How many times can I retake Naplex/MPJE?

I believe the magic number is 3. After the 3rd failure of Naplex you are required to retake some courses or at least that is what we were told in 1999 it may have changed but I wouldn't want to suffer through that exam more than once so make the first time count! I have no data on the MPJE but it probably varies from state to state, again make the first time count!

5. Am I within a set time frame to take these exams?

The best time to take it is within 3 months of graduation. The longer you wait the more you will forget. Study, study, study and make every bit of it count! There are going to be time limits from graduation to the latest time you can take the exams but you would have to check the state and NABP websites for that info. Seriously, if you are thinking of waiting a long time to take the test are you sure you are ready to practice as a pharmacist?

Another person emailed about the FPGEE exam. As far as I know you only have to take that exam if you were educated or licensed in a foreign country and plan to practice in the U.S. Some states may not accept this exam for licensure so you will have to make sure the board of pharmacy in the state you wish to practice in will accept it.

My experience with Naplex and MPJE were very unpleasant. I took the Naplex then took the MPJE right after it. I do not recommend that anyone do this. I was emotionally crushed by the Naplex and ended up failing the MPJE by 1 stinking point. I cried and felt completely defeated at the end of the day. I knew my failure was imminent but I only had to retake the law.

The Naplex is adaptive. The better you do, the harder it gets. Don't get discouraged! There is a pre-Naplex you can take to acclimate you to the style of questions that will be asked. Naplex also has a few questions that don't count that are thrown into the mix to see if they are acceptable for future tests. This applies to the MPJE also. You will have no idea which questions these are so just do the best you can!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Ass Clowning Around

OK so back in 2007 I posted the definition of an Ass Clown and a little diddy about one I met during my service that day. Go back and read it folks! In fact, go back and read ALL of our posts b/c they are might dandy, THANKS in part to Big N Tasty. You see, we shall never bore you. In fact, we may enlighten you in some way! If we have, send us some email. Hate mail always preferred.



Filet (not an ass clown)

Aporkalypse Now

Monday, May 4, 2009

Lucky Thirteen

This weekend has been filled with craziness and gave me a chance to look deep inside and really see what my soul needs in order to survive.

As I wind down my thirteenth, yeah thirteenth, year at McDruggie's I wondered where do I go from here? I was annoyed by the crazy multi-tooth missing old lady who told me to call her doc because she broke her ankle and can't go to the office so she needs some Vicodin and her regular med refills. She was walking just fine at the pharmacy. She also wanted me to let the doc know she would stick her foot up his arse if he didn't give her the drugs. I calmly explained to her that telling her doc that little tidbit of info would guarantee no drugs for her.

I am sick of answering pointless questions like "Do you have any hand sanitizer left?" and "Do you have any masks?". These items are not a magical cure/preventative for swine flu. So get out of my face!!!!

F*cking new system download decides to d*ck us around when transferring rxs from other stores making needless frustration and a ton of extra work. The even better part is that our contracted "Nerd Herd" can't figure it out. This has been a problem since Wednesday...W-e-d-n-e-s-d-a-y. It worked on the old version. Can I kick the crap out of the douche that wrote the code for this version???? It would be my pleasure!

Then I get the drug seeker on crutches fresh from the ER and of course he is on medicaid so he says "If this is not covered you need to override it or something because I am in a lot of pain and I don't have any money and I need you to make it quick because my ride is waiting and I don't have money for a cab." He was already juiced on something but he really did have a f*cked up foot so I filled the rx. It was for generic Ultram. Not a narcotic, not a problem.

Now I have the lady with a teenage son that had a discontinued chewable antibiotic rx so we had to call the MD to get the capsules because the law says we can't change dosage forms without MD auth. So someone at the MD's office calls in Keflex 500mg three times daily for 10 days and someone else at the same office calls in Amoxicillin 500mg twice daily for 5 days. I talk the mom into only taking one rx because he doesn't need both of these together and it could make him sick. So they take the Keflex and leave.

I delete the Amox rx and 10 minutes later she comes back for it. Now she is pissed because we have to refill it and she will have to wait 5, count 'em, one.two.three.four.five minutes for this to happen so she wants to talk to the manager. Hell to the no! My store manager isn't going to give her a gift card or an "I'm so sorry we greatly inconvenienced you..." gushy arse-kissing speech so she can just suck it up, wear her big girl pants, and wait 5 minutes like a normal person.

I bet we will get a call in a few days because he gets sick from taking both antibiotics instead of listening to me, who apparently wasted six years of education and don't know what the hell I am talking about compared to someone with an illustrious and medically superior GED. Stupid people should not be allowed to breed. They should give up their ovaries and testicles the second that Medicaid application is filled out. F*cking moron!

It gets better... Seeker calls the next night (so of course I am back) and says he had an allergic reaction so I need to help him out because he doesn't have a ride to the ER to get another rx but I have to call and get him something better because he can't take this. I explain that ER MD's do NOT change rx's over the phone especially if the MD you saw was not currently working.

Seeker calls back and said he talked to the ER nurse and they told him I should call so they could change the drug. I talked to the nurse who of course told me they wouldn't give him a narcotic because he sounded like a drug seeker ***ding ding ding ding ding*** we have a loser! The MD on staff was not prescribing without seeing the patient, just like I told Seeker. So we try to call Seeker back to give him the bad news but the phone number we have on file is not working. He calls us and is disappointed but I don't give a sh*t.

As the weekend drudged on I thought about the high priced hookers politicians use. That's it! For $20,000 per day I will fulfill your every fantasy. If you need a naughty nurse/physician/pharmacist, sexy kitty, leather mama, anime princess, twat in a squirrel costume, someone to share your innermost secrets with, etc. I am your girl. I would even nibble your ear, juggle your old sweaty wrinkled ballsack with my tongue, play your penis like a flute, tickle your prostate, and fancy your other whims just to not work in a pharmacy for the next 13 years of my life.... Hell, taking it up the arse would be a lovely change from this bullsh*t...

I am burned out....this calls for a vacation and a righteous pimp.