We bring the FAST and laughs to pharmacy.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Ahead Of The Curve

According to several web sites the official start to "Cold & Flu" season is November. If this is true why the hell do I have a cold? I guess I have always been ahead of the curve when it comes to rhinovirus infestations. Good ol' Typhoid Tasty is back in action! Be happy I can't infect computers or everyone with Internet access would be so screwed...

I am the worst patient when it comes to snot. Nothing screams sexy like sleeping with a box of tissue so that you can jam one up your nose to stop the constant drip imparted by el rhinovirus and dive back into a Nyquil fueled semi-coma. Even better is when I use the Kleenex with Aloe so in the middle of the night I don't know if I have already used this particular tissue for snot or if it is the slimy semi-wet feel of an unused tissue. Either way it is getting a new slime coat courtesy of my sinuses.

Simply put the attacking rhinovirus sucks burro genitalia ie. donkey balls and makes you feel like you have been beaten and left for dead. A billion uses of hand sanitizer will not stop an airborne rhinovirus and neither will that waste of time and money fizzy tab Airborne crap that pharmacies nationwide schlep in the name of the almighty dollar by profiting on fear and misinformation.

Your only hope is to live in a hermetically sealed bubble or just avoid sick people all together. When you do get a rhinovirus all you can do is treat the symptoms and wait for your immune system to do its job. PLEASE don't go running to an MD, NP, or PA looking for an antibiotic! Antibiotics are for BACTERIA not VIRUSES. Follow my lead and leave yourself in the warm embrace of a Nyquil semi-coma and let work know you won't be in for a few days (unless you really despise everyone you work with then who am I to tell you not to go in and breathe and/or snot on everyone).

Yay Nyquil!!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Unnecessary Asshole!

A lady peers into the window holding an OTC medication. She looks at the tech and says "I know he doesn't know the answer but this box says compare to Tylenol on it so is it the same as the Tylenol infant drops?" I told her it was our store brand of the Tylenol infant drops and she walked away.

The tech was appalled at the rudeness of the lady and was lamenting upon how he was having a hard time dealing with the rudeness of society and unsure of staying in the pharmacy for the rest of his life. Even funnier was the fact that she had flunked out of the EMT program they were both in so of course she wouldn't know crap about medication.

Everyone in the pharmacy got into the discussion of how many people are rude and just don't realize it because they tragically have no moral compass or respect for other humans. They probably kick puppies for fun. Unfortunately these are the people we and everyone who works retail have to deal with every day. These are the people who travel to other countries and give Americans a bad name then get us bombed by radical terrorist groups.

Some people are so f*cking rude!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Back In The Saddle

Believe it or not I didn't think I would ever run out of things to do but it happened. I was happy to be back in the saddle, not to mention I was pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel for spending cash and was not ready to rob trains or give hand jobs for chump change.

I drove my trusty Mustang on a little recon around the store. Another pharmacist friend and I laughed because it was a middle/upper middle class mainly white neighborhood. That usually means lots of Sudafed sales for the meth heads and Roxy/oxy prescriptions and early refill rejections on opies and benzos (opiate pain pills like Percocet or Vicodin and benzodiazepines like Valium and Xanax). Oh and don't forget early refills on muscle relaxers.

Yeppers, Tasty is a little bit racist and am sure that anyone that works retail is a little too because you can 99% of the time guess exactly what you will be dispensing and what type of junkies are gonna circle like buzzards in the hopes that you might fill one early based on the ethnicity of the surrounding area.

My third customer in was Sudafed, and several customers after that. I also had a lady with ER rxs for Vicodin, Flexeril, and Valium that all came up refill too soon/duplicate therapy for the Percocet, Soma, and Xanax rxs she filled a week and a half previously for 30 days supply each. Guess who left without any pills...

Guess who wheeled up at 12:01am? Oxycontin & Roxicodone lady who was actually on the time when she would have run out of her last 30 day supply. Usually these are early and the MD has written a "Do Not Fill Until XX date" on the rx. The funny thing was she was morbidly obese and had 2 small bags of M & Ms, a bag of chocolate covered pretzels, and one of those humongous candy bars that could feed a 6 person pharmacy staff. Her EBT (food stamp) card did not work so she was like "I guess that means I don't get my midnight snack tonight."

I am thinking "Self, If I had an injury that put me in a wheel chair and I was heavy so that it put more stress on my injury and caused more pain I don't think that would be my midnight snack of choice. Maybe a 100 calorie pack of microwave popcorn because it is filling and doesn't have the caloric needs of a 2 ton seal in one sitting which adds weight and thusly increases the level of pain from my injury." But why bring logic into this.

The highlight of my evening was the two magic words that make me want to cut a b*tch: paper jam. Those in the retail pharmacy know "paper jam" also means "IMPENDING DOOM!" I stood with needle nose pliers in hand as I faced down the printer. "Paper Jam Check Rear Door" was the message. I checked that rear door and made sure even the tiniest sliver of paper was removed. Reset the printer and heard the "beep beep beep" of the paper jam. Same message.

I filled with rage. Oh rage, how I have missed your pulse pounding blood pressure raising fire! I had forgotten how wonderful rage was in my time off. I tried every trick in the book to get that f*cking printer working to no avail. I gave up and used the last working printer. Send out the SOS and go with your god on that one. At least the malfunction was on a Sunday. Hopefully it would be fixed before Monday morning.

Yee Haw, I'm back!

Monday, August 9, 2010

A Little Time Off

Sing the following to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies:

Come and listen to a story about Big 'N Tasty
Disgruntled pharmacist, sick of living by the sea.
Everything was great 'til the housing bubble blew,
And she was left with a house worth less than kittie poo.

Upside down that is, shit hole, money pit.

Well next thing you know old Tasty's out of there,
Kinfolk said "Tasty move away from there!"
Said "Back home is the place you ought to be!"
So movers loaded up the truck and she headed northerly.

Midwest that is, meth labs, missing teeth.

Well now it's time for Tasty to work retail again,
So she will have tons of stories to make you split a grin.
You're all invited back to peruse this blog locality,
To have a heapin' helpin' of her work hostility.

Sarcasm that is. Sit a spell, laugh your ass off!

Y'all come back now, y'hear?

Sunday, August 8, 2010


Nothing makes me giggle inside more then a patient who named their child something bizarre, with an even more unusual spelling, forgets how to spell the name.

Karma, perhaps?