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Monday, May 4, 2009

Lucky Thirteen

This weekend has been filled with craziness and gave me a chance to look deep inside and really see what my soul needs in order to survive.

As I wind down my thirteenth, yeah thirteenth, year at McDruggie's I wondered where do I go from here? I was annoyed by the crazy multi-tooth missing old lady who told me to call her doc because she broke her ankle and can't go to the office so she needs some Vicodin and her regular med refills. She was walking just fine at the pharmacy. She also wanted me to let the doc know she would stick her foot up his arse if he didn't give her the drugs. I calmly explained to her that telling her doc that little tidbit of info would guarantee no drugs for her.

I am sick of answering pointless questions like "Do you have any hand sanitizer left?" and "Do you have any masks?". These items are not a magical cure/preventative for swine flu. So get out of my face!!!!

F*cking new system download decides to d*ck us around when transferring rxs from other stores making needless frustration and a ton of extra work. The even better part is that our contracted "Nerd Herd" can't figure it out. This has been a problem since Wednesday...W-e-d-n-e-s-d-a-y. It worked on the old version. Can I kick the crap out of the douche that wrote the code for this version???? It would be my pleasure!

Then I get the drug seeker on crutches fresh from the ER and of course he is on medicaid so he says "If this is not covered you need to override it or something because I am in a lot of pain and I don't have any money and I need you to make it quick because my ride is waiting and I don't have money for a cab." He was already juiced on something but he really did have a f*cked up foot so I filled the rx. It was for generic Ultram. Not a narcotic, not a problem.

Now I have the lady with a teenage son that had a discontinued chewable antibiotic rx so we had to call the MD to get the capsules because the law says we can't change dosage forms without MD auth. So someone at the MD's office calls in Keflex 500mg three times daily for 10 days and someone else at the same office calls in Amoxicillin 500mg twice daily for 5 days. I talk the mom into only taking one rx because he doesn't need both of these together and it could make him sick. So they take the Keflex and leave.

I delete the Amox rx and 10 minutes later she comes back for it. Now she is pissed because we have to refill it and she will have to wait 5, count 'em, one.two.three.four.five minutes for this to happen so she wants to talk to the manager. Hell to the no! My store manager isn't going to give her a gift card or an "I'm so sorry we greatly inconvenienced you..." gushy arse-kissing speech so she can just suck it up, wear her big girl pants, and wait 5 minutes like a normal person.

I bet we will get a call in a few days because he gets sick from taking both antibiotics instead of listening to me, who apparently wasted six years of education and don't know what the hell I am talking about compared to someone with an illustrious and medically superior GED. Stupid people should not be allowed to breed. They should give up their ovaries and testicles the second that Medicaid application is filled out. F*cking moron!

It gets better... Seeker calls the next night (so of course I am back) and says he had an allergic reaction so I need to help him out because he doesn't have a ride to the ER to get another rx but I have to call and get him something better because he can't take this. I explain that ER MD's do NOT change rx's over the phone especially if the MD you saw was not currently working.

Seeker calls back and said he talked to the ER nurse and they told him I should call so they could change the drug. I talked to the nurse who of course told me they wouldn't give him a narcotic because he sounded like a drug seeker ***ding ding ding ding ding*** we have a loser! The MD on staff was not prescribing without seeing the patient, just like I told Seeker. So we try to call Seeker back to give him the bad news but the phone number we have on file is not working. He calls us and is disappointed but I don't give a sh*t.

As the weekend drudged on I thought about the high priced hookers politicians use. That's it! For $20,000 per day I will fulfill your every fantasy. If you need a naughty nurse/physician/pharmacist, sexy kitty, leather mama, anime princess, twat in a squirrel costume, someone to share your innermost secrets with, etc. I am your girl. I would even nibble your ear, juggle your old sweaty wrinkled ballsack with my tongue, play your penis like a flute, tickle your prostate, and fancy your other whims just to not work in a pharmacy for the next 13 years of my life.... Hell, taking it up the arse would be a lovely change from this bullsh*t...

I am burned out....this calls for a vacation and a righteous pimp.

10 comments:

The PharmD Student said...

Whoa that got graphic. I liked it...

Guzzo said...

Whew.. talk about a bad day! But, I was starting to get a semi.

The Ole' Apothecary said...

That's almost as low as the feeling gets when we reach for the whore metaphor. I also use the puppet metaphor. But my most realistic one is the galley slave, as in those lines aboard the galley in the 1959 film "Ben Hur":

"Now, listen to me, all of you. You are all condemned men. We keep you alive to serve this ship. So,row well, and live!"

Michael said...

Amen, sister!

Grumpy, M.D. said...

That is SO awesome. I loved it!

I was on call this weekend, and spent half the time fielding calls from junkies dialing for Demerol.

I love it when they swear at me and hang up when I tell them that NFW am I calling any "C" drug in.

Big 'N Tasty RPH said...

....and that kids is why I am enjoying my seis-o de Mayo hangover whole heartedly!

Phurious said...

My personal metaphor I use most often is "I'd rather be shoveling shit for half the pay".

Anonymous said...

God self-important pharmacists in the world's most expensive, and totally fucked up health system with 200 junkies per sq km, and 20 years at a McDrug store. No wonder you're such a bitter shit. And by the way, it ain't really that tough lording it over seekers. Everyone does it - including me as Dr at an Australian hospital that provides care to all, for free, for a fraction of what your system costs you per capita. Our pharmacists aren't as hardened as you sound, although they still fuck up from time to time (just as we do): like the Inderal vs Intal in an asthmatic disaster I just got involved in. Questions: 1) Why do those drugs look the same when written and 2) how could a pharmacist with 4 to 5 years training not know about B-blockers and asthmatics?

Anonymous said...

Dear New Zealand MD, WTF are you rambling about?

Anonymous said...

To the Aussie Ayhole: Whatever you are taking that induces your level of CNS disturbance, I want some. It's a lot better than vodka...