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Thursday, May 14, 2009

It's Gotta Be An Ape Man

I walk into work and everyone is busy. I do the usual and ask if there is anything I need to know before everyone abandons me like a child at the mall who's parents are never coming back. Of course there are a hand full of calls that need to be made and a couple of compounds, the usual.

Then everyone kind of giggles and lets me know that the lady in the waiting room has been sitting there for a couple of hours and whenever they try to talk to her she babbles and told them something about being attacked. Everyone leaves and I ask the woman if she needed anything and she said no she just needs to sit for a few minutes. No problem.

About an hour later the manager wants to know how long she has been here. I told him about 3 hours so he comes out of the office and talks to her. She tells him that she was attacked by a primordial. "What is a primordial?" he asked. She told him it was a half man half ape. Damn the luck! All these years people have been looking for Sasquatch and it has been hiding in south Florida all along.

I am looking for funding to start a Sasquatch hunting expedition into the waterways of south Florida. I will require surveillance equipment, a snazzy mini-yacht, and a crew. We will use her as bait since he already has her stank on him and we should have a viable Sasquatch in captivity by the end of the year. Yay biological discovery!

Ha ha..... The manager calls the police and we wait. When they arrive the cashier up front tells them that she said she was attacked by Bigfoot. They knew exactly who she was and told the manager she was usually much further south than where we were. I would love to hear them all sit around and trade stories of Sasquatch lady and the nude dude, etc. They probably have as many comedy stories as health care workers, if not more.

This just reminds me of the song "Ape Man" by Zombina & the Skeletones...
whooooaaaaoooo It's Gotta be an ape man, whooooaaaaoooo


Grumpy, M.D. said...

Wow. That is good.

Anonymous said...

I'm from up north, and with family members in denial about the value of cognitive behavioural therapy in combination with anti-schizo drugs, this kind of story just makes me sad. Like how the person left home in search of a something, and only has enough common sense left to go someplace that doesn't get too cold in winter.

The Pharmacy Princess said...

I will join your Sasquatch-hunting brigade, right now. I'll be keeping an eye out for other victims at my pharmacy today! (Also, spellcheck insisted I capitalize 'Sasquatch.' Respect the power of the Yeti!)

Anonymous said...

Just reminds me of the song "ApeMan" by the Kinks...I know, I'm dating myself.

I'm an APE
I'm an APE MAN.
I'm a king-kong man