We bring the FAST and laughs to pharmacy.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Got Meth? (Methadone, that is!)

A full moon on a Saturday night. I cover a shift for someone who is sick. This store caters to an elderly clientel. It should be the easiest overnight EVER. None of these customers are awake after 8PM and they like to pick up drugs at 8AM before church. Easy! It is 2AM. You walk in with a methadone rx for #270 tablets. There is a birthdate and a phone number written on the rx like you have been to another pharmacy and came out with the same rx and no methadone...... Time for a little fun. You say to run it for cash. I look in your extended profile. Wow, computers are magic! I see you got #270 methadone on January 1st on insurance (30 day supply), #120 on January 11th for cash (13 day supply), and now it is January 13th. Why do you need this filled tonight? All you can tell me is you "lost it or something." That is the most pathetic attempt at an early refill I have ever heard. It is almost as preposterous as a caucasian saying he is on Oxycontin for "sickle cell pain" (for those that are not aware, it is a genetic impossibility for a caucasian to have sickle cell disease. It also is a dead giveaway that this is an rx you paid an unscrupulous "pain management doctor" to write when you come in looking and smelling like a bath has not occurred as an idea to you since 1972, along with your grimy fingernails, track marks, mullet, and tattered finery. But I digress...). I tell you I have to talk to the doctor to get this approved since ALL of these have been written by same person. No amount of whining, faking pain, or threats will get you this medication at 2AM. If you are lucky I will not have the police "bitch slap" you for my viewing enjoyment before they slap the cuffs on. Have a nice morning, sunshine! Oh, I forgot to tell you as you sauntered away, defeated yet again.....I am calling your doctor anyway. If he values his license he will rethink the issuance of those methadone you so longingly crave. I think I hear violins....

No comments: