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Saturday, December 8, 2007

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Modern Life

A tablet here, an elixir there
Alchemical monstrosities
Become corporate overlords

A sniffle, a tumor, a sneeze
You are programmed
To seek them in need

Bow to your new masters
For you cannot survive
The germs without them

An unnecessary need to fight
Your ills and woes with
The latest chemical concoction

Financially strapped
In the pursuit of health and perfection
No cries for help answered

Fall to your knees and see your doom

Oh yeah, it is the countdown to January 1, 2008. That is the magical doomsday for prescription copays to increase across the boards. I can hear it now....."they didn't send me any notice"....."you are charging too much"...."you need to tell your computer that the price is too high"...."I am going to another pharmacy"...."you need to call my insurance"... I can't wait! This year I am changing my name from Big N Tasty to Gloom N Doom. That ain't no happy meal!

I will be dashing all your little New Year's Resolutions, hopes, and dreams with your new copays on your antidepressants along with formulary changes necessitating the ever-lengthy prior authorization process! Oh noooo, many companies are dropping Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis all together....that will make for some sad limping soldiers. I hope your children weren't planning on going to college.....and don't forget to cancel that fabulous vacation you have been planning and saving for these past 5 years cuz it is all gonna be coming up copays!

And that's not all.....you will probably be paying even higher premiums based on the lazy fat-asses and smokers on your plan because they pose the risk of lengthy expensive hospital stays and multiple medication bills! It's time to drop Alli in everything in the vending machine and appetite supressants the water cooler! You could even make a game out of pouring water over everyone who lights up a smoke on their break. Even better, spray them with a non-toxic fire extinguisher and film it. It will be a You-Tube classic for sure! How's that for an interesting office...

So with all that, my retail bretheren, stock up on the Alka-Seltzer and energy drinks and strap yourself in for a bumpy ride!

Happy New Year!

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