WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

Dear customer/patient/dipshit standing at the counter with your mouth open or calling me again about your vicodin "subscription",

For the LOVE of sweet baby Jesus and Allah-you gotta start the conversation with your NAME!! I don't know who the fuzz you are if you don't give me a name!! Throw me a bone folks!!

My new fave thing to say to your people after you've rambled on why your refill is too early (you went to the moon again? yeeehaaaa) or your dog ate your vicodin (bring me your dog yo!) or why isn't it all your meds $4 (thanks for that, Wal-mart), is to say "let's start with your name". Total silence. I get nothing but total silence from you. Why is this? No one taught you to start a business transaction with your name? I don't have caller ID, you don't wear a name tag and by God, I am not psychic! Now give me your name and we can get somewhere. Pretty please? With Kadian sprinkles on top? Yeah-that got your atttention!!

Love,

Filet

Phrases I Hate In Pharmacy

I think everyone has certain phrases or key words that just set them off.

• "Every time I come here there is a problem."
• "You people" followed by some ignorant non-issue.
• "Do you have $4.00 prescriptions?"
• "How long is this going to take?"
• "Did my insurance not pay anything?"

What are the comments that send you off the deep end, if only in your head?

To The Skanky,Flirty Seeker

Damn it. Leave me alone. No, I can't refill your Lortab yet. No, I'm not married, but I tell you that I am. No I can't "front" you a couple of pills until next Friday. No, I don't frequent any bars or clubs in town. No, I don't have a "personal" stash at my house. No, I didn't know that your boyfriend just left you. Don't I have Chera-Tussin? Sorry, fresh out 'till next week. What's the best way to get a prescription for Oxycontin from your doc instead of Lortabs? I don't know....try losing a leg? You're 22 and I'm 39. I may be a fool, but I'm an educated one, honey.

Pharmacy and eating habits (lame!)

For the last several months, I've been going to the gym and trying to watch my food intake. Bringing my lunch to work instead of eating convenience foods and fast food was the biggest problem I had. Still, we always have some sort of terrible snack food in the pharmacy... this week I have surely eaten my body weight in Cheetos, Starburst, and dark chocolate. They live in a drawer that is way too easily accessed - whose idea was it to have a junk food drawer?! Do you guys deal with this too, or do you just have much better willpower than I do?

We Are Not As Stupid As You Think We Are

Shopping list: pill crusher, insulin syringes, rx for roxicodone from several counties away

Duh, we know you are going to shoot up your pills. So don't try to act all shocked and amazed when EVERY pharmacy for 50 miles tells you they don't have oxycodone tabs in stock. Also don't be so shocked and amazed that you can't buy a bag of syringes in Broward county without a prescription. Saying "But I can buy them in Pensacola and Jacksonville." earns no sympathy and does not magically produce a baggie of syringes for you. It is people like you that this type of law targets you f*cking worthless piece of sh*t furuncle on the taint of humanity!

It is douche bags like you that end up corrupting the pain management system by supplying the cash to corrupt greedy physicians and supplying tabs to first time users who either overdose and die or end up hooked for life. This also makes it damn near impossible for legitimate pain management patients to get their necessary medications. If the law would allow it I would do a handy dandy pharmacy spatula castration so you could not breed!

To take it a step further, the law should allow us to kill junkies like this one. Just send them to the worm pile like the worthless sh*t that they are! Why waste tax payer dollars on rehab facilities and jails? Let's cut out the middle man and save the tax payers millions of dollars! Rehab failure rates for first time attendees is 95% so why bother? Seriously, why bother?