No, it is not the newest technological revelation from Steve Jobs, it is I PLEDGE! This handy dandy little system was designed to protect the user from themself....and any offspring they may accidentally produce....
As you know the use of Accutane and any of its analogs is fantastic for severe cystic acne. We are not talking of a sprinkle of teeny tiny white-heads popping up here and there, we are talking HUGE painful subcutaneous mountains of puss, bacteria, and sebum that alter your face so you look like a lumpy bumpy version of the kid from "Mask." It ain't pretty folks but neither are some of the nasty little things it can do to you.
1. Accutane has been shown to increase the tendency to hurt yourself or someone else if you already have a screw loose.
2. Accutane can trigger a fatal asthma attack or severe allergic reaction.
3. Accutane can decimate your heart, liver, kidneys, and pancreas.
4. Accutane can greatly increase your blood sugar and change your life into a status diabeticus nachtmere (I never took Latin so I fake it).
5. Accutane will increase disintegration of osteoporitic bones (especially if you smoke. take Dilantin, or corticosteroids).
6. Accutane may help you lose your hearing, notify your doctor if you have ringing in the ears or your hearing gets worse...I can't blame it on loud music anymore...
7. Accutane decreases your ability to see in the dark. So much for third shift.
8. Hyperlipidemia and hypercholesteremia, anyone? Yes, you get these too!
AND THERE'S MORE!!!!!! decreased red and white blood cells, loss of eyesight from increased pressure on the brain, siezures, stroke,dizziness, ulcers, diarrhea, rectal bleeding, dark urine, yellowing of skin or eyes, back pain, joint pain, muscle and ligament pain, hypersensitivity to sunlight and tanning lights, severe skin irritation from waxing or laser hair removal, and the greatest evil of all:
Mutant Babies!!!!!!!
((Mutant babies may or may not live. Mutant babies are not trademarked by this or any other pregnancy category X drugs. After you answer the questions on the survey verifying that you are using two methods of birth control and promise not to get pregnant or breastfeed while on this medication or for six months after taking this medication, the manufacturer is no longer liable for any mutant babies. That means you can't sue, sucker!))
Wow, I'm sold! (bitter oozing sarcasm) Mayhaps I will try something a little less likely to be called Craputane (mutatretinoin sodium).....Oh yeah, and you can't have alcohol or a trip to Cancun with this crap college girls. That means no margaritas on the beach and taking off your top for Girls Gone Wild...wooooooooo...
That is it. I will use Proactive. If it worked for Diddy it can work for me. Mutant baby not included. Thank God!
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11 comments:
i check your page everyday for new updates because you're absolutely hilarious. the blog today definately hit the nail on the head. ive been lead technician for 3 years at my store and all of my techs absolutely REFUSE to do ipledge so i get the joy of doing it each time. we do about 20 rx's each month for sotrex/accutane/amnesteen and i loooooathe it.
"please enter your id number"
1*2*3*4*5*6*7*8*#
how idiotic is that??
i had one today that the patient would not leave until i called ipledge and got everything confirmed. i was also on the phone with florida medicaid at the time so there was no chance of me doing it within 45 mins or so. so i hang up with medicaid after being on hold already for 23 mins (not that i was counting) and call ipledge. she hadnt even done the survey yet and told me to call the dr and get it taken care of, naturally it was 7:30 at night. she pitched a royal fit because i wasnt going to page the dr. "APPARENTLY YOU DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR PATIENTS!" She says this as another customer walks up behind her and I get back on the phone with Ipledge to try and talk to a representative as I take another rx from the patient behind her...who proceeds to hand me a cake she had baked and go into a whole schpiel about how nice i am and how sweet i was to her disabled father etc...
the lady with extremely bad acne gets all pissy and snatches the rx off the counter and storms off, says a few curse words and then just left. it was so lovely.
fucking customers
Maybe it's just my bad eyesight, but it seems like most patients that get isotret from me don't have especially bad acne. Why are people screaming about SSRIs in D.C. when Isotret is still out there ruining lives?
I've made a point about this medication for awhile. Vioxx was taken off the market for causing heart trouble, however it worked wonders for many people suffering from arthritis. Yet, with every horrible thing that Accutane is KNOWN to do, more and more effort is being made to keep this medication on the market. And what does it do? Fixes your acne (and I agree with the previous poster, most folks I see don't even have very bad acne, my own acne is worse than theirs). Woo hoo. Clearly in this country we value young pretty people much more than we value older people. Pathetic.
I completely agree anonymous... if Vioxx made tits bigger, we'd still be dispensing it.
Has anyone had this happen yet? I called an insurance company for a prior auth. on Amnesteem a few weeks back and they appoved it with a 4 hour window. Meaning if the patient didn't pick it up in 4 hours they were S.O.L. She picked it up at the 3 hour and 45 minute mark too.
Anonymous, you know you can go online to ipledge and it takes like 3 minutes to log on, type the shit in and get an RMA #. It is SOOO much better than calling! Just trying to save you a bit of time, from one pill pusher to another!
jmerph
Just a thought - why do we still have to do this if the patient is male? Does it deform the little sperm?? Very confused, and annoyed at the (however easy it may be) system we have to use to get this stuff just to submit to insurance!
bigger tits, eh? sign me up!!
Isotretinoin (the generic name for accutane) is used to treat the most severe and disfiguring cases of nodular acne. Most Doctors would only recommend this treatment
only after all other forms of acne medication have been tried and proved unsuccessful.
Serious Accutane Side Effects
1. Birth Defects
2. Psychiatric Diseases, Depression and Suicide
3. Central Nervous System Ailments
4. Liver Damage
5. Hearing/Vision Problems
6. Accutane Pancreatic Damage
More detailed info on this page:
http://www.accutane-info.com/side-effects.php
Information on the development, history and legacy of Accutane.
http://www.accutane-info.com
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