No, it is not the newest technological revelation from Steve Jobs, it is I PLEDGE! This handy dandy little system was designed to protect the user from themself....and any offspring they may accidentally produce....
As you know the use of Accutane and any of its analogs is fantastic for severe cystic acne. We are not talking of a sprinkle of teeny tiny white-heads popping up here and there, we are talking HUGE painful subcutaneous mountains of puss, bacteria, and sebum that alter your face so you look like a lumpy bumpy version of the kid from "Mask." It ain't pretty folks but neither are some of the nasty little things it can do to you.
1. Accutane has been shown to increase the tendency to hurt yourself or someone else if you already have a screw loose.
2. Accutane can trigger a fatal asthma attack or severe allergic reaction.
3. Accutane can decimate your heart, liver, kidneys, and pancreas.
4. Accutane can greatly increase your blood sugar and change your life into a status diabeticus nachtmere (I never took Latin so I fake it).
5. Accutane will increase disintegration of osteoporitic bones (especially if you smoke. take Dilantin, or corticosteroids).
6. Accutane may help you lose your hearing, notify your doctor if you have ringing in the ears or your hearing gets worse...I can't blame it on loud music anymore...
7. Accutane decreases your ability to see in the dark. So much for third shift.
8. Hyperlipidemia and hypercholesteremia, anyone? Yes, you get these too!
AND THERE'S MORE!!!!!! decreased red and white blood cells, loss of eyesight from increased pressure on the brain, siezures, stroke,dizziness, ulcers, diarrhea, rectal bleeding, dark urine, yellowing of skin or eyes, back pain, joint pain, muscle and ligament pain, hypersensitivity to sunlight and tanning lights, severe skin irritation from waxing or laser hair removal, and the greatest evil of all:
((Mutant babies may or may not live. Mutant babies are not trademarked by this or any other pregnancy category X drugs. After you answer the questions on the survey verifying that you are using two methods of birth control and promise not to get pregnant or breastfeed while on this medication or for six months after taking this medication, the manufacturer is no longer liable for any mutant babies. That means you can't sue, sucker!))
Wow, I'm sold! (bitter oozing sarcasm) Mayhaps I will try something a little less likely to be called Craputane (mutatretinoin sodium).....Oh yeah, and you can't have alcohol or a trip to Cancun with this crap college girls. That means no margaritas on the beach and taking off your top for Girls Gone Wild...wooooooooo...
That is it. I will use Proactive. If it worked for Diddy it can work for me. Mutant baby not included. Thank God!