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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Ahead Of The Curve

According to several web sites the official start to "Cold & Flu" season is November. If this is true why the hell do I have a cold? I guess I have always been ahead of the curve when it comes to rhinovirus infestations. Good ol' Typhoid Tasty is back in action! Be happy I can't infect computers or everyone with Internet access would be so screwed...

I am the worst patient when it comes to snot. Nothing screams sexy like sleeping with a box of tissue so that you can jam one up your nose to stop the constant drip imparted by el rhinovirus and dive back into a Nyquil fueled semi-coma. Even better is when I use the Kleenex with Aloe so in the middle of the night I don't know if I have already used this particular tissue for snot or if it is the slimy semi-wet feel of an unused tissue. Either way it is getting a new slime coat courtesy of my sinuses.

Simply put the attacking rhinovirus sucks burro genitalia ie. donkey balls and makes you feel like you have been beaten and left for dead. A billion uses of hand sanitizer will not stop an airborne rhinovirus and neither will that waste of time and money fizzy tab Airborne crap that pharmacies nationwide schlep in the name of the almighty dollar by profiting on fear and misinformation.

Your only hope is to live in a hermetically sealed bubble or just avoid sick people all together. When you do get a rhinovirus all you can do is treat the symptoms and wait for your immune system to do its job. PLEASE don't go running to an MD, NP, or PA looking for an antibiotic! Antibiotics are for BACTERIA not VIRUSES. Follow my lead and leave yourself in the warm embrace of a Nyquil semi-coma and let work know you won't be in for a few days (unless you really despise everyone you work with then who am I to tell you not to go in and breathe and/or snot on everyone).

Yay Nyquil!!


Bulrush said...

They were still advertising flu shots on TV in July and August. I didn't think that was peak flu season.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I had one last week. Colds are year round. The idea of "cold season" is a myth.

Frantic Pharmacist said...

I totally love Nyquil. Best stuff ever.

Anonymous said...

If my nose was running money,I'd blow it all on you.

But it's not.

Chris said...

Ew, that's exactly why I can't use those tissues with lotion. Fresh out of the box, they feel used already. Gross.