We bring the FAST and laughs to pharmacy.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I Heart Smack-Tards!

Some people are striking to look at and some people you just want to strike after they open their mouths. Smack-tards. The only people on the planet that are so f*cking retarded you want to smack them r-e-a-l hard...

Smack-Tard #1

Female caller: "I need to know if clonidine is like Klonopin."

Brain: Ew ew ew...I wonder where this is going...

Female caller: "So I can't get high on it?"

Brain: For reals????

Female caller: "I guess I should put it back where I found it then. Bye."

Brain: Smack smack smack some damn sense into that beotch...she is probably on welfare with 10 kids cuz that is usually the ones that are paid by the governmemnt to stay home with their legs spread and their brains gelatinizing on some chemical they shouldn't have in the first place...ugh...I hate people... **Don't judge, you were thinking the same thing...



Smack Tard #2

He was buying a pregnancy test because his girlfriend started her period on the 10th of last month but hasn't started yet this month (it was the 8th when he came in). She is also having some breast pain so he thinks it means there is a bun in the oven.

I explained to him that most women will not start on the exact same day every time and breast tenderness is pretty common also a few days prior to it. Maybe if they weren't riding dirty (without a condom) they wouldn't have to worry about a baby. Oral contraceptives aren't 100% effective anyway and heaven forbid you get beat down by your man for giving him the herps or something...

Smack that one down and castrate him for humanity's sake...



Smack Tard #3

This douche was banned from the bullseye for threatening the pharmacist's life. That pharmacist even filed a formal complaint and has a restraining order on the guy so of course he wants us to fill all of his prescriptions. Seriously, can't we find a way to pass him off on Wal-Mart with their low low prices? I enjoy spreading the pharmacy love. I have had a gun in my face, I don't want to have some psycho come over the counter because his narcotics are over a week early and no one will fill them because this smack tard sounds high on the phone and his conversation makes little to no sense. I wonder what else he is on that he gets from "cracky" on the streets...

So my boss talked to the guy Friday night and told him that we won't fill a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g early if the bullseye says it is too soon. That is our store policy (cuz we despise "cracky" and all his cohorts and wish them a slow painful death). He calls back Saturday and talks to another regular and she tells him the same thing. The bullseye faxes over his prescriptions and we leave them aside for the boss to deal with. He hates it when we do that but he is a very large man who is far more intimidating in appearance than the other short ladies and I that work there so he gets to be the bully.

I had the displeasure of talking to the guy who argued with me that Monday was the 11th, his next date of fill, and not the 10th like I told him. Too juiced to comprehend the space time continuum represented by the change of date at 12am or just stupid enough to think he could argue his way into a bottle of narcs. Pitiful...

I wanna smack smack smack that one within an inch of his life and scream "How do you like me now, b*tch?" Instead I only get the super satisfying fantasy and a kick boxing class. Damn assault laws...they really spoil my fun sometimes...

4 comments:

Jer said...

That was funny, I think I'm in love with you. hehe

Anonymous said...

What are some other companies policies regarding a verbally abusive customer making racially charged slurs. I got sucked into that one, but think there must be a better way to handle it. OUr company has no policy against it. I realize New Yorkers (Manhattan) are not educated and most people who grew up here know how to fight back. I don't, but this is the third time a white person said this to me. I told him to go back to the mayflower, since he's not native american either.

Big 'N Tasty RPH said...

My assisant store manager has my back. If he hears someone yelling or trying to pull some b*llshit he will come and tell them to leave. If that doesn't work our local police department is happy to send an officer or two over. I also like to stare at verbally abusive people like they are retarded then make sure to sarcastically wish them a nice day after reminding them that there are about 5,000 other pharmacies in a 100 mile radius and if we are not satisfactory then they should feel free to try another pharmacy.

C. said...

I love Aleve, that is all.