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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Full Moon Fun

Scientifically the full moon has absolutely nothing to do with mania, psychosis or the weird sh*t that people do but that does not stop us from holding romantically to the ancient belief that the full moon possesses an arcane embrace with humanity and allows malevolent spirits to make us dance like puppets. It's not that the moon is at fault but I rely on this busted Muppet show in a live-action format and really really look forward to the antics and the phone calls to break up the corpo pharmacy monotony.

Night One, ie Friday

Nothing out of the ordinary, just the usual 10 daily calls from hypochondriac/OCD guy, harrumph. A lack of Viagra/Levitra/Cialis still indicative of a crap economy. I did sell a lot of condoms and Plan B so some people were still having more fun than me.(**jealous**)

Night Two, ie Saturday

A regular calls who is mentally handicapped and has all the capabilities and facilities of a teenager. She takes several medications and has had a problem in the past with popping her benzos like "Sno-caps" then saying she lost them. Tonight was another such incident. She called and said she lost her bottle of pills and needs them or she will end up in the hospital because she feels like she needs more than than the doc gives her. I asked her if the doc had increased her dose and she said no so I looked in the profile and she last got a 30 day supply 12 days ago and there are no refills left so we will have to call the prescriber. She throws a fit and I calmly try to explain we cannot give or sell any tabs without an active prescription because it is a controlled substance. I also explained that with no refills she has 3 options: search her house again, call her prescriber's answering service or go to the emergency room.

She snarks back that she already looked everywhere in her house, doesn't want to bother her doc at 1am (rare to hear that one), and said "We all know how the emergency room works out." She then wants me to sell her just one tablet until she can call the doc Sunday morning. I explain again, no active rx for a controlled substance, no pills, do you need me to go over your options again? She then threatens to sue because "What do you do when people are in pain? That is not what a pharmacy does to people. That is not right and I will go over your head. I've sued "insert corpo-pharmacy name here" and won thousands before. I need to speak to the person above you."

I told her I am the pharmacist on duty and there is nobody above me until the pharmacy manager comes in the next morning. She told me I was rude and hung up on me. So I went about my weekly C-II inventory. The phone rings again and it is her telling me how unethical and rude I am, how can I live with myself being so cruel to people, and how she will go above my head if she has to and blah blah blah. I just let her vent and didn't say a single word. After she said all she wanted to say I was going to speak and she hung up. How rude and hypocritical of her. Oh well, she's retarded so I will take the abuse as if I really deserved it but I am not breaking the law for anybody.

As the evening became early morning I got a call from a pharmacist in North Carolina who was asking me about a doc. I told her that we aren't currently filling any of his prescriptions because he is under investigation for catering to cash for candy patients. She asked me to look in a guy's drug profile. Of course if was multiple Oxycontin and Roxicodone rx's from multiple physicians filled in multiple stores. The day staff had filled an Oxycontin earlier because the patient told them the doctor said it was cheaper there. I laughed because from KY (or TN, I forgot which one) to south FL to NC and back to KY (or TN) would have been at least a 2100 mile road trip. The price couldn't possibly be that much cheaper. Sounds to me like somebody is trying to cover his "about to lose his license" arse.

She also told me about the state-wide controlled substance registry they have. I am totally jealous and want a nationalized one for Christmas this year, please Mr. Clause or Mr. Obama???... So I entertained her with my favorite recommendation I tell ER docs when they call with a drug seeker: a shot of Toradol in the arse, because it hurts like the dickens, it's non-narcotic, the seeker thinks injections are the "good stuff" and it does provide pain relief. All parties satisfied.

Night Three, ie Sunday

The Grand Finale to my weekend is this elderly lady that always has her son in his forties bring her out on errands. He was throwing a fit because she took his pain pill prescription and wouldn't give it to him. She was afraid he was addicted to it because he had been taking it since New Year's and it was from a "walk-in" clinic. He was screaming at her about how she just wants him to be in pain all the time and to control him. He was also screaming about how his knees hurt and she wants him to suffer because he hasn't had a pill in three days and he is in agony.

She called her daughter to come get her because she was afraid to get in the car with him because he might take her purse to find the prescrption. So he went and sat on the hood of the car. Now mind you, this guy easily weighs 400 pounds. He probably does have severe knee pain just from the force of gravity on his fat. At his age and weight it happens. So I fill her rx and the daughter shows up with her husband and they all go have a nice long chat.

They come back and have all reached a mutual resolution. We will fill the prescription and his mom will give him one pill tonight for his pain and she will hold onto the rest to prevent any "abuse" until she can take him to her orthopedist in the morning. The prescription was not from a "walk-in" clinic doc and it was only for 30 pills so I think she was just a little on the paranoid side but she said he had addiction problems in the past. I just thought he sounded like a spoiled 5 year old myself but in the spirit of pain management addiction does not necessarily mean you should withdraw treatment so their agreed upon resolution sounded like a winner to me.

Another weekend survived and another month to look forward to a fresh episode of "Full Moon Theater." It is not as entertaining as Nip/Tuck but what else is a girl to do? The policeman that looks like Dr. Troy doesn't work the night shift anymore....


Nadia said...

I like your upbeat and funny recounts of the people you work with.

I wonder if there is a way you could speak or behave to tone down their ranting. Whenever my brother and I work at the family business, I, a short girl, get harassed 10x as much as my older brother. He just stands there, crosses his arms and looks at them when they try to get cute (ie obnoxious and retarded). They immediately shut up. No problems.

With me they pushed they pulled this kind of crap. It lessens if I stand sternly, talk in a flat tone, and stare at them. I can't turn into a big man, but it's better than nothing?

Big 'N Tasty RPH said...

It is always harder for girls becuse most douche bags think they can overpower us and intimidate us. Short of having a gun in my face I will verbally fight back.

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