Poop Soup

I had an early morning/late night caller concerned because she had diarrhea and Imodium was not working. She went and gave all the gory details: severe diarrhea, can't sleep cuz she has to poop, crapped her pants several times and didn't realize it, changed clothes 16 times because she soiled her unmentionables, blah blah blah, wearing a thick pad like Depends because there is constant leakage, blah blah blah, has had this since last Wednesday.......What what what??!!??!!

She has had a scene from the "Exorcist" spraying out her pooper for a week and is JUST NOW concerned.....I am baffled. If I have a touch of the squirts for more than a day and cannot pinpoint what I ate and/or drank (usually it is drank) that would have been a major causative factor I am calling a doctor or squirting my way through the ER, undies and pride be damned. Man...a whole week...need some Tucks pads for the burning, honey? I am still baffled.

I explained to her several times that it is of GREAT importance that she goes to a doctor as soon as possible. I can think of several not so pleasant causes of severe diarrhea like cancer, infectious organisms, parasites, etc. Don't forget dehydration and all of its lovely little complications (my favorites being organ failure and dementia). She wants to wait til she flies back home on Saturday (3 more days from this conversation...). I had to bite my tongue not to remind her that the carry-on flight limit for all containers of liquid is 3 ounces...maybe it was dementia setting in on her part or maybe the situation just turned into an episode of South Park that I found really really funny...either way a medical visit was muy necesito!

She still balked at the idea because she had no insurance. I hooked her up with a clinic she could visit at 8am that specialized in helping people with no insurance. She asked me if it was a dirty clinic. A "dirty" clinic? No, this isn't where all the crack heads and homeless go for services, if that is what you mean by "dirty." This clinic mainly assists foreign travelers who might not be able to afford medical care while on vacation or recently relocated and have no insurance yet. You are a traveler with no insurance.(...duh...) They can help you.

She still was not satisfied and did not like further suggestions like Metamucil capsules to help soak up some of her internal seepage. It is called a "bulk forming" laxative for a reason. It soaks up liquid to form a solid mass and may afford you a little bit of relief, especially if you really really plan to get on a plane in 3 days instead of see a doctor until you get home. She hung up on me. One unsatisfied customer.

Don't ask the questions if you know you are going to ignore the answers. Oh yeah, and if you ever ignore my suggestion in favor of "little know-it-all that knows nothing medical" that walks in off the street, you deserve every bit of the bad outcome(s) that will happen. You can't sue the pharmacy for something the pharmacist didn't recommend, especially if they advise you not to take the suggestion from that person and your dumb ass does it anyway. Poop soup for you!