If you are buying gifts for someone older than 6 years at McDruggie's do you really like that person?
Cheap flip flops fall apart in salt water and sand.
Why the F are you buying footwear at McDruggie's???
Honking the horn does not guarantee speedy smiling service.
Sometimes credit card companies cut you off because you are irresponsible with your credit not because your medications are expensive.
That song by Hall and Oates that talks about how "You're the only one I love and you can't change that." was either inspired by or resulted in a restraining order. Seriously, listen to the lyrics just once and see how creepy it is compared to the bouncy annoying music...."No you can't change that..."
The regular overnight manager is on vacation. The fill-in manager is supposed to clean the bathrooms. There has been a used tampon applicator sitting on top of the sh*t ticket dispenser for 4 days now and he has cleaned the bathroom every night. Is it going to be there forever?
If your "pain management" doctor's office is a 600 square foot building with a line around it and down the block, including a scuzzy woman with an infant on her arm, what are the odds any pharmacist is going to fill that roxicodone 30mg #270?
Mmmmmm, Diet Mountain Dew is delicious!
Why do I itch every time I get handed an rx for permethrin?
Some nights become easy listening karaoke.
Some nights we dedicate each other's least favorite songs over the intercom when they start to play....ie "BnT, this one's for you!" and the song playing is Hall and Oates "Man on a Mission."
Is is assault for punching a male tech for singing the aforementioned auditory torture to you?
Is it wrong to amuse oneself by repeating the poorly pronounced drug name exactly the same way when you confirm the order with the patient?
Is it wrong to amuse oneself by pronouncing the same drug a different way each time someone orders it?
Is it wrong to amuse ER physicians who call for a recommendation on what to do with a drug seeker at the hospital and you tell them to give a shot of Toradol in the arse because it hurts really bad and they think they are getting something really good?
The people who come up with formularies, input parameters, and copays should all go to hell. That's right, you go to hell and you die...die, die, die!!!
More hot policemen should come and hang out with me at work. I have had a gun in my face while there, it is the least the city could do to make me feel safe and have lots of fodder for dirty fantasies.
My dream man really exists. He is a policeman. I have met him and probably scared the crap out of him because I am intimidating and weird. Maybe "The Secret" will make him come to me or maybe just a call to 911 cuz "The Secret" is a load of horse sh*t...I wish I had written that...
I like to joke around with my patients who I know like a good joke.
You came in at 10pm and told the tech that you were coming back in the morning then get pissed off and scream 2 hours later when your prescription is not ready. Well a*s-hat, you said tomorrow morning. Ocho de manana, motherf*cker, it is written on your scrip. What the hell made you think it would be a priority? Perhaps next time you could explain the space-time continuum flux you live in when I am not ready to smack you for stupidity.
I like to joke around with people who take me completely serious.
Why did the manufacturers change again???? McDruggie's buyer, you can go to hell and die too! Did you really save that much money cuz if you did I would like a tech 7 on/7 off with me. I get busy and lonely all in the same shift.
I babysit machines.
Food poisoning calls and consults make me sympathetic. Puking and crapping at the same instant is no fun because most people don't keep a bucket or have a sink in front of the sh*tter.
Oh Diet Mountain Dew, if you were a small furry creature I would keep you as a pet and treat you like my princess kitty-kitty. She is more spoiled than Paris Hilton and has a better singing voice.
Spell check does not like the word "formularies" either.
When you are working, always park in good view of the security cameras. You never know when a drunken city employee in a street sweeper will smash your precious Beamer Z4 convertible, stumble over to look at it, crawl back in the city truck and drive off. It happened to a friend of mine 2 weeks ago. He is really happy we have digital surveillance. The city gets to pay for his bumper and quarter panel.
Why do I hate Hall and Oates so much?
Oh yeah, their greatest hits album poisoning the muzak ten times a day for the last 5 years...and that god-forsaken boat song from Titanic.....n-e-a-r-r f-a-r-r where-e-e-ver you are....I think I just threw up in my mouth a little...
Would stand-up comedy be a more fulfilling career?
I need a nap.