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Monday, July 16, 2007

Children of the Scorn

It must be nice to be on medicaid. Other than the glitz, glamor and prestige of it all, you also get to treat the emergency rooms across the country as your own personal doctor's office. Got a child with a sniffle? Come the fuck on in! We have plenty of room and nothing but time. I'm sure the guy with the massive head wound won't mind you cutting in line at the triage desk. After all, children are our most precious resource. Heaven forbid one of them get a goddamned cough.

I was perfectly content this weekend to spend the wee hours of the morning pouring through In Touch magazine. While not a huge fan of pop culture, I find it a miracle of nature that Nicole Ritchie is able to have a human life inside of her (that doesn't also happen to be the person ass-fucking her at the time). But I digress...

My literary sojourn was interrupted with a tap tap tapping at the counter. It was a mother/daughter combo who had just gotten out of the ER. Apparently, the 8 year old girl had been suffering from a bit of constipation (no doubt brought on by a diet of macaroni & cheese smothered with a generous helping of couch potato). Her prescription was for Miralax - a laxative that has recently moved to over-the-counter status.

She was a medicaid patient. Since I had little else to do, I humored her and tried submitting the claim electronically so that I would have a rejection to drive my next point home. Alas, Miralax is no longer covered by our state's medicaid program as a prescription drug. Ever the helpful expert on drugs, I was able to quickly produce a small bottle of the OTC equivalent that was exactly enough for what her prescription required. It was also on sale (a rarity at McDruggie's) for the bargain basement colon blowout price of $5!

Of course mom wasn't real happy with that. Number one, she would have to pay for the medication. But two (and what I suspect really got her), she spent who knows how long in the ER for a prescription for an OTC product. I love to see our taxpayer dollars at work. If only she had bothered to come to the pharmacy in the first place. I could have fixed her daughter's problem rather expeditiously.

Mother and daughter were walking away when the real kicker happened. The eight year old girl turned to me and said "You're a meanie!"... and stuck her tongue out at me. Mom saw it, and did nothing to reprimand her.

Back when I was a little McRPh, I actually feared my parents enough to behave in public. If I had acted out as this small child did, it would soon become apparent that I would not need a laxative to fix my constipation. Indeed, my mother would have beaten the shit out of me - audience or not.

Never one to be outdone, especially by a child... I yelled after her - "You are an awful little girl! Normally I give boys and girls coloring books when they are sick. You get nothing because you are so rude!". Was it my place to do this? Apparently so, since she obviously wasn't getting the discipline at home. I almost followed it up with "If you stick that disgusting little tongue out at me again, I'll fill your mouth up with spiders"... but I refrained. I guess I'm just an old softy.


Big 'N Tasty RPH said...

Children: Christians believe that children are a blessing.

Reality check: Children are hell spawn sent to ruin the rest of your life. Is starts with crying and diapers and ends with bail money becuase your blessed little crack whore got arrested again.

Rachel said...

what a little monster...you should have threatened her with the spiders. my parents would have killed me dead if I had acted like that in public!!

vicodinfairy said...

Okay, so I actually spit out my Diet Coke all over the computer screen upon reading the spiders comment.

The Ole' Apothecary said...

Clever title to this thread. Congratulations on your wit!

These people are a breed, and the system a state of mind: entitlements. "I upped MY entitlements; up YOURS!"

In other blogs, pharmacists remark at how some people think that their pharmacies are a type of government dispensary. "You mean, I have to pay for that?" Personal responsibility is deteriorating rapidly, from the pharmacy counter to the waste receptacle that few people use (they just set their paper cups down on the asphalt, shut the car door, and drive off. The world is their ashcan.)

Mother Jones RN said...

Don't worry. The brat's mom will suffer the consequences of her poor parenting skills when her demon seed turns into a teenager.


NoSomaFor You! said...

Unfortunately, my state's medicaid program still covers OTCs for minors, so I get an endless parade of prescriptions for Emetrol, Dimetapp, and Senokot. Often for every last child in the family (though you'd never know they were the same family because they all have different last names.)

edM said...

To MOther Jones RN

I have been a pharmacist since 1966 and have seen many generations who have been and are and will be on medicad.
The mother will not suffer any consequences when her daughter becomes a teenager because she will probably get pregnant and raise the same kind of brat. So in the end it is us who pays. All of us and not the generations of people who make their living on MEDICAD.
My feeling has always been one and done. If a person on medicad gets pregnant she /and he should get sterilized. I know this will never fly , but I can dream..No one is more demanding or ignorant or(you put in what you want)as the people on medicad..

Anonymous said...

I guess you did exactly the right thing, if putting yourself at the same level as an 8 Year old gives you some sick pleasure? This is not how you teach children anything.

Mc RPh said...

Are you kidding me? Come back to me in 8 years when she's on the street giving blowjobs for a 40 ounce and then we'll compare notes. Maybe if she had a little discipline growing up... but then again, i'm not allowed to have kids. So it's not like i really give a shit. At any rate, anonymous, maybe you missed the point of my story?

Bohemian Road Nurse... said...

It goes beyond Medicaid kids. I get aggravated by a large amount of today's crop of non-Medicaid children. I have a very spoiled niece who blows my mind with her entitlement attidude. She once got a $300 handbag for Christmas and said: "But all my friends have them in EVERY COLOR...."

But I tend to blame the parents for bring them up that way. And I agree with Mother Jones---these kids will most likely grow into out-of-control teenagers. And then many of them will become guests on the "Whose the Baby's Daddy?" talk show programs in the mornings.

I will admit that I watch those programs when I'm off sick from work. They're better than soap operas---because I prefer true stuff rather than fiction. And they're kind of like watching gladiator games...with comedy to boot. (And to think, Maury Povich used to be a "serious" talk show host...but not anymore...)

Lynn Price said...

Got a child with a sniffle? Come the fuck on in!
My keyboard will never be the same now that it's sporting my morning coffee from laughing so hard. I blame Medblog Addict for this turn of events. You'll now be my morning read.