It must be nice to be on medicaid. Other than the glitz, glamor and prestige of it all, you also get to treat the emergency rooms across the country as your own personal doctor's office. Got a child with a sniffle? Come the fuck on in! We have plenty of room and nothing but time. I'm sure the guy with the massive head wound won't mind you cutting in line at the triage desk. After all, children are our most precious resource. Heaven forbid one of them get a goddamned cough.
I was perfectly content this weekend to spend the wee hours of the morning pouring through In Touch magazine. While not a huge fan of pop culture, I find it a miracle of nature that Nicole Ritchie is able to have a human life inside of her (that doesn't also happen to be the person ass-fucking her at the time). But I digress...
My literary sojourn was interrupted with a tap tap tapping at the counter. It was a mother/daughter combo who had just gotten out of the ER. Apparently, the 8 year old girl had been suffering from a bit of constipation (no doubt brought on by a diet of macaroni & cheese smothered with a generous helping of couch potato). Her prescription was for Miralax - a laxative that has recently moved to over-the-counter status.
She was a medicaid patient. Since I had little else to do, I humored her and tried submitting the claim electronically so that I would have a rejection to drive my next point home. Alas, Miralax is no longer covered by our state's medicaid program as a prescription drug. Ever the helpful expert on drugs, I was able to quickly produce a small bottle of the OTC equivalent that was exactly enough for what her prescription required. It was also on sale (a rarity at McDruggie's) for the bargain basement colon blowout price of $5!
Of course mom wasn't real happy with that. Number one, she would have to pay for the medication. But two (and what I suspect really got her), she spent who knows how long in the ER for a prescription for an OTC product. I love to see our taxpayer dollars at work. If only she had bothered to come to the pharmacy in the first place. I could have fixed her daughter's problem rather expeditiously.
Mother and daughter were walking away when the real kicker happened. The eight year old girl turned to me and said "You're a meanie!"... and stuck her tongue out at me. Mom saw it, and did nothing to reprimand her.
Back when I was a little McRPh, I actually feared my parents enough to behave in public. If I had acted out as this small child did, it would soon become apparent that I would not need a laxative to fix my constipation. Indeed, my mother would have beaten the shit out of me - audience or not.
Never one to be outdone, especially by a child... I yelled after her - "You are an awful little girl! Normally I give boys and girls coloring books when they are sick. You get nothing because you are so rude!". Was it my place to do this? Apparently so, since she obviously wasn't getting the discipline at home. I almost followed it up with "If you stick that disgusting little tongue out at me again, I'll fill your mouth up with spiders"... but I refrained. I guess I'm just an old softy.