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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Lap Apron

A mighty protrusion of skin fold outcrop
Hanging out below your muffin top.

Creating friction and moisture for a minutiae of beast
Such as bacteria, fungus, and the opportunistic yeast.

I'm not talking about something worn when serving a patron
I'm talking about the voluminous reach of a skin fold lap apron.

For many aged* it's from caloric expansion with tonicity lost
For others the result of surgery/dieting with rapid weight loss.

Whatever the cause of your lap apron may be
Hygiene is important, keep it dry you see.

If your lap apron becomes a prohibitive part of your anatomy
Find a good surgeon who can perform a panniculectomy.

With a lap apron surgically and maybe permanently gone
We can begin to rip off the 30 Rock "Muffin Top" song.

*pronounced age-ed for the purpose of flow


thatsit said...

Nice thought, but my insurance won't pay for it.

I'm very careful with mine. It tucks in just like shirt tails! I'm stylish, for the 80's. LOL

wv. pantuc Ahahahaha

livvey said...

Another reason for a muffin top:

Being pregnant with twins. We in the twin community call it twin skin. It happens because your skin stretches so far so fast to the point where it loses elasticity.

Big 'N Tasty RPH said...

If your physician can prove that recurrent infection and impeded mobility are major issues with your lap apron some insurances will pay for the surgery.