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Saturday, May 24, 2008

Something To Try

You have had it happen to you. Your least favorite song is stuck in your head for days, tormenting you, causing loss of sleep, making you want to tear your hair out. It happens to me quite frequently.

It has come to my attention that this is due to a glitch in the auditory cortex (the part of the brain that processes sounds and stores them for remembering later). This cortex has an itchy trigger finger and can put a painful musical cap in your ass with replay of your least favorite tunes after only a few notes.

This just proves that my brain hates me. It likes to taunt me with Hall and Oates, Celine Dion, etc. I don't even have to be at work for this to happen because most retail stores use similarly programmed music. The theory is that enjoyable relaxing music makes you want to stay in the store and spend money. I reject the music selections provided by the retail industry as most of them cause me mental pain and ruin my shopping experience.

There is actually a simple solution. This glitch can be overridden by either listening to the entire song or doing mathematical computation. This cortex will forget the damning song if you do math. I am going to try math the next time I am tortured because the thought of listening to the entire boat song (My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion) makes me want to throw up.....

10 comments:

catpaw said...

The only true solution to this nightmare is to carry a pair of wire cutters with you - each time you enter a store playing this obnoxious crap go on a search and destroy mission. Find the speaker wires and snip, snip - total musical vasectomy!

Viva La Revolution! Let the silence begin! Down with the pathetic drivel the inane corporate clowns foist on us! Take back our hearing.... cough.. cough er... sorry... I think I'm suffering from an acute case of Celine poisoning. Is there a pill I can pop to counter the effects?

Carol said...

I woke up with the current Cubs (baseball team) song in my head. and I don't watch baseball. Hubby dos though....

Anonymous said...

Almost like Cartman on the one episode of South Park when one line of a certain song would be said and he would have to sing the song. Hehe.

Anonymous said...

Gotta love the musak...as a wise tech once commented..."nothing says "professional health care" like Cher and a synthesizer".

Big 'N Tasty RPH said...

The muzak poses one existential question: Can a vegan still be a "Maneater"? Thanks to Hall and Oates for another one that I hear over and over and over and over....

red rabbit said...

I discovered the "listen to the damned song all the way through" strategy as a teenager. Why it works I don't know, but hurrah, byebye Celine.

Anne said...

Thanks for putting that damn song in my head. But thank you, also, for letting me know how to get it out. I find that a quick course of industrial/metal therapy does the trick too (Stabbing Westward, Drowning Pool, etc)--about 2 songs' worth, because much more than that and you start developing side effects, like urges to shop at Hot Topic and yell at you parents that they don't own you (even though you're twenty-six).

Inna said...

they played that disney song from pocohantas (something about a blue corn moon) and i walked around for a week repeating the only line i could remember. "the heron and the otter are my friend"

Un-PC RPh said...

Thanks for the tip.. never fails, that rediculous song "Mr. Jones and me..." stuck in my head constantly. I think the fact that I do not even understand most of the words bugs me the most. I'm grateful everyday that there is no Musak at the clinical job I now work at.

Phrustrated Pharmacist said...

Have you ever shopped an establishment an known the next song to be played in the shuffle? It's f-ing scary sometimes. I was in an interstate rest stop and this happened. I'm trying to only shop at Target because there is no music whatsoever...it's a little creepy. Wonder if they're hiring?