Blame It On Obamacare

Oh yes, it's super easy to blame all your healthcare woes on Obamacare!  I'm not gonna let you do that in 2014 because there are certain truths that will always be:

Drug copays increase January 1
Deductibles reset January 1


I am going to preemptively set out a cheese plate in the waiting room so you have accompaniment for your whine.  Your copays go up every January and you are still gonna bitch and moan like a 5 year old that didn't get a balloon at the birthday party.  Well suck it up cupcake because I am gonna get all grinchy poo on your whiney ass when the first syllable of Obamacare bounces off your pathetic little lips.

Why would I not be sympathetic to your plight? You or your spouse chose that insurance plan. Like 99.9% of the nation you didn't read the fine print in the contract that says copays can increase periodically without notice.  You also went el cheapo on your monthly payment and chose the high deductible plan so your drugs will only be slightly discounted until you meet the $5000 deductible.  On top of that after meeting the deductible you will still have copays so don't give me that stupid doe eyed stare of disbelief when a copay pops up.

The formulary also changes periodically without notice (again it's in the fine print you didn't bother to read) so that ridiculously overpriced brand new super duper awesome drug will cost you $55 or more and heaven help you if you bring in a copay discount coupon that you didn't call the toll free number to activate!  I hate coupons and even worse the moron that does not activate it then throws a tantrum when it doesn't work!

Moral to the story: a verbal smackdown awaits anyone who blames the inevitable on Obamacare!

Shots!

Apologies for the long absence! I have been super busy completely gutting and remodeling the short sale property I purchased to stay in until the day I die. I have also been under the spell of Candy Crush saga and the easy randomness of Twitter... To make up for this terrible slight I gift you with a seasonal song of my retail pharmacy people. 

Sing to "Shots" by LMFAO


If you not immunized ladies and gents
Get ready to get pricked up
Let's stab it, Haha
LMFAO

You know what
Providers
Yeah
All the pharmacists
Where you at
Let's go

When I walk in the store
All eyes on me
I'm with the pharmacy crew
Get shots from me
We got Fluvirin
We got Fluzone
We came to immunize
Everybody it's on

Shots shots shots shots shots shots
Shots shots shots shots shots
Shots shots shots shots shots shots

Everybody

Shots shots shots shots shots shots
Shots shots shots shots shots
Shots shots shots shots shots shots

Everybody

The patients love us
When we give shots
They need it now
So we have lots
I came to give shots
How 'bout you
Needles up
Let's go round two

Shots shots shots shots shots shots
Shots shots shots shots shots
Shots shots shots shots shots shots

Everybody

Shots shots shots shots shots shots
Shots shots shots shots shots
Shots shots shots shots shots shots

Everybody

If you ain't immunized get the frak in the store
If you got your copay get the frak in the store
If you need some drugs get the frak in the store
Now where my pharmacists let me see you glove up

What you shootin in?
Zostavax
Pneumovax
Recombivax
Gardasil
Boostrix
Menactra
Needled all that shit
Get me some in

Drugs in hot and I'm ready to give shots
Supervisor happy every time I give shots
So needles in the air pharmacists let's give shots
If you giving shots put your hands in the air
Now say I'm immunizing (I'm immunizing)
I'm immunizing (I'm immunizing)
I'm immunizing (I'm immunizing)
I'm immunizing (I'm immunizing)

Shots

Fluzone in the fridge and I'm ready to give shots
Patients come in here every time I'm giving shots
It's a quick turn around every time I give shots
Flu scare in the air pharmacists let's give shots

I needled up

La dad a da
La dad a dad a da
La dad a da
La dad a dad a da
La dad a da
La dad a dad a da
La dad a da
La dad a dad a da
La dad a da
La dad a dad a da
La dad a da
La dad a dad a da
La dad a da
La dad a dad a da
La dad a da
La dad a dad a da

Gummy Tummy

A morbidly obese middle age male came to the pharmacy to get an rx for Reglan.  He was telling me about how he had problems with his stomach emptying but his physician was sure the issue could be fixed with bariatric surgery. He then complained that one lady at the office told him he wouldn't have to follow any diet plan then a different lady told him he would have to follow a diet plan.  He also complained that the surgery needed to happen soon because he was losing health insurance coverage at the end of the year.  He purchased five boxes of $1 movie theater candy (Mike & Ikes, Gummy Lifesavers, etc) with his rx.

So I'm thinking to myself "Self, in what world does waxy, gooey candy help with stomach motility?  What a whiney dumbass.  I know when I open my mouth to tell him about the woes of gummy candy and surgical complications he's gonna look at me with stinkface."

Anything I tried to tell him about diet restrictions with his surgery were just plain wrong. What would a pharmacist know about post-surgical care?   This patient is gonna have complications after surgery and eventually will gain back any weight lost in the first few months.

One of the main criteria for bariatric surgery is that the patient is "Committed to lifelong healthy eating and physical activity, medical follow up, and the need to take extra vitamins and minerals." (from Medline Plus website)

Fail #1  Not gonna follow a diet

Fail #2  Not gonna do physical activity

Fail#3  Not gonna follow up due to loss of insurance

Fail #4  Not gonna take extra vitamins/minerals when he won't take a multi-vite anyway

Fail Fail Fail Fail Fail Fail Fail Fail Fail Fail Fail Fail Fail