Yay Coupons!

You all know those annoying little printouts/shiny papers/cards with a bin number and a happy "this is gonna save you some money on your copay/this is gonna get you a freebie" message that usually have an issue during claim transmission. For the purpose of this blog they will all be referred to as "coupons". The best part is the patient who does not read the fine print and has no idea what the "deal" entails beyond hand me the coupon and get something cheap/free back and getting snotty when something goes wrong or the "deal" is expired.

Things patients need to know about these coupons:

1. You have to have a prescription for the item in the coupon.

2. They all expire at some point in time. The date is printed really tiny but it is on there.

3. They all have some kind of limit. Some are one time use per patient for life, some are two per person per year, some are free for the first fill and a copay reduction for a few fills after, etc.

4. They are not immediate or fast to process. We have to run the prescription then run the coupon based upon its terms. It may take a couple more minutes than you wanted for your prescription to be completed, discount and all.

5. Giving me the "stink eye", cursing, screaming, making the baby cry, threatening to call your lawyer, etc. will not make this process any faster or make the coupon work after the terms expire or are used up.

For example:

You pull up to my drive thru window at 2am to pick up your Relpax that is ready on the shelf and hand me a computer printed coupon. I process the coupon and it gives me the message "plan limits exceeded. one use per coupon." I relay the message that you need a new coupon and you smart off to me. "So I can't get my medicine?" So I replied that you could but it would be at your insurance copay of $35 dollars.

I can see you giving me the "stink face" and rolling your eyes from the passenger side of the car and just smile when you say "So I have to go back home and print out another coupon then come back?" Yes you stupid cunt! I don't have a magic coupon generator or an internet access to the outside world beyond our company website, a handful of specialty authorization websites, and the ever frustrating PAID prescriptions website. You have to expend the exorbitant amount of energy and effort it takes to drive to your house that is a handful of blocks away, log onto your internet service provider, go to the manufacturer's website, answer the super short questionnaire, print out the new coupon, and drive your ungrateful ass back so I can give you the prescription for $15 dollars after the coupon copay discount. Now go home and stop acting like I kicked your puppy or punched your baby in the face, print out the f*cking coupon, and come back here to my "I want to put my size 9 snow boots up your ass" smiling face to get your stupid f*cking discount!

I say "Good day and happy coupon printing!"