The Economy Sucks When...

* We still have Diet Mountain Dew, or any soda for that matter, in stock by Saturday morning.

* The drive-thru line is only 2 cars long instead of the usual 10.

* Brand co pays skyrocket...

* Rx volumes plummet...

* The pharmacy is so quiet at night it feels like a zombie attack is imminent.

* Taxis and police sit in the parking lot with the engine off until they are called into action.

* The overnight staff has time to reenact the entire World Cup series (that's soccer) in the toy aisle.

* Someone stole the Drug Monkey's scotch.

* You didn't even notice staff cut backs because we still aren't busy...

* There are no more freebie drug rep pens...Where will my drug ad writing utensils come from now? (shaking fists at heaven) "Don't touch my pens you damn dirty cut backs!!" (Emmy nomination moment)

* Instead of eating at Burger King people are buying a $0.99 bag of "Whopper" flavored potato chips....I have witnessed them on the shelf at McDruggie's, they do exist and I fear them...and their "French Fries with Ketchup" counterpart...

* Fewer customers = shorter wait times!!!

* Hit and run accidents occur in the parking lot. We are so happy they finally got a digital surveillance system...hit and run is a felony...

* The phones are silent during the day.....the day the phones stood still....creepy stuff...

* You only put $30 worth of gasoline in your car at a time and are tempted to siphon the lawnmower and get a pet sheep. (To eat the grass, duh.)

* Fewer and fewer out of state, cash paying cuz they got a 30 day supply on insurance yesterday, oxycodone junkies are bothering you.

* E-prescribing finally takes off because it saves money on paper. Go green! Go legible!

* New bums (some of them aren't homeless) are begging for change in the parking lot. Move over guy who thinks he is Jesus, the competition is fierce. Stinky guy in a moo moo is taking over your 'hood and schizophrenic guy that lives across the street is taking over your racket for free cigarettes.

* People come inside wearing a crusty dusty pair of flip flops and walk out wearing a brand spanking new glittery pair they just swapped off the shelf...hobo chic is back...

* Employees don't call in sick.

* People are more adamant about paging their primary physician at all hours of the night instead of spending the copay to visit the emergency room. Note to physicians: I hope you remember what sleep was like.

* Everyone L.O.V.E.S. generics!!!!!!

* No more Hummers or Escalades pass through the drive-up.

* You consider walking to work at night in the ghetto.

* Every inch of the pharmacy is spotless.

* The doctor finally laid off that b*tch secretary with no education that treats you like fecal matter on the bottom of her shoe when she calls in a prescription and can't even pronounce the drug so you make her spell it and she throws attitude like it's your fault she only got the job because she had big boobs then lost it because she has the intelligence, personality, and likability of powdered milk.

* You actually get to talk to the doctor instead of having to call back with questions.

* Everyone pays with a credit card instead of a debit card.

* You only see 5 patients in 8 of your 10 hours on shift.

* You start singing Hall & Oates...

* Sales of Viagra are flaccid....and thus the weenies that need it are too...

* You have the time to discuss the nuances of The Dark Knight and why it is the BEST Batman film EVER!

* Medicare Part D patients expire before their "donut hole" does....