Guess Who Found a Mess From the Overnight RPh?

I figured out a way to save my employer a truck-load of money. Our store is 24 hours, which equals 24 hours of pharmacist-on-duty. Our overnights give away more drugs for free (because you can totally trust people that come in as a new patient at 2am) then we get reimbursed for. So, I figure if we just leave the pharmacy open, without a pharmacist, and just have a "log book" of sorts, we'll actually be ahead of the game because we won't be paying the overnight pharmacist any money.

Sure there are flaws to this, like that pesky state board, but really, we are a corporation, we should be able to get around that no problem!

OKAY!

It starts with a simple YouTube video that gets parodied by a cartoon that gets another parody/redemption on a TV web show. I of course had to parody it again after some laughter, rewatching the original, and talking to some friends who read the blog following a phone call late one night that began with "CHANGE THE CHANNEL NOW!! YOU'VE GOTTA SEE THIS!!" I am talking about the one and only "What what In The Butt" by Samwell, parodied by Butters Stotch on South Park, and the interview/acoustic redemption on Tosh.0 featuring Josh Homme from Queens of the Stoneage that sparked that frantic late night call.

The Anti-emetic Suppository Action Song version:

I said: "What what, in the butt"
I said: "What what, in the butt"
I said: "What what, in the butt"
I said: "What what, in the butt"

You wanna put it in my butt, in my butt?
You wanna put it in my butt, in my butt?
You wanna put it in my butt, in my butt?
Let's put it in the butt,
OKAY!

I know you see me puking, over there
Come help me, if you care
Don't sit and stare, it's just not fair
Stop my puke, if you dare

What what

I said: "What what, in the butt"
I said: "What what, in the butt"
I said: "What what, in the butt"
I said: "What what, in the butt"

You wanna put it in my butt, in my butt?
You wanna put it in my butt, in my butt?
You wanna put it in my butt, in my butt?
Let's put it in the butt,
OKAY!

It's okay, I don't wanna puke tonight
Please hurry, I don't wanna puke tonight
If you insert it, I'll bend right over
Just be gentle, use lube and a glove

I said: "What what, in the butt"
I said: "What what, in the butt"
I said: "What what, in the butt"
I said: "What what, in the butt"

I'm still puking on my knees
All I want is that suppository
Give it to me if you please
Give it to me if you please

I'm still puking on my knees
All I want is that suppository
Give it to me if you please
Give it to me if you please

I said: "What what, in the butt"
I said: "What what, in the butt"
I said: "What what, in the butt"
I said: "What what, in the butt"

You wanna put it in my butt, in my butt?
You wanna put it in my butt, in my butt?
You wanna put it in my butt, in my butt?
Let's put it in the butt,
OKAY!

I said: "What what, in the butt"
(I'm still puking on my knees)
I said: "What what, in the butt"
(All I want is that suppository)
I said: "What what, in the butt"
(Give it to me if you please)
I said: "What what, in the butt"
(Give it to me if you please)

You wanna stick it in my butt, in my butt?
(Give me what I need)
You wanna stick it in my butt, in my butt?
(All I need is that suppository)
You wanna stick it in my butt, in my butt?
(Give it to me if you please)
Let's put it in my butt
(Give it to me if you please)
OKAY!

I said: "What, what"
OKAY!

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

Dear customer/patient/dipshit standing at the counter with your mouth open or calling me again about your vicodin "subscription",

For the LOVE of sweet baby Jesus and Allah-you gotta start the conversation with your NAME!! I don't know who the fuzz you are if you don't give me a name!! Throw me a bone folks!!

My new fave thing to say to your people after you've rambled on why your refill is too early (you went to the moon again? yeeehaaaa) or your dog ate your vicodin (bring me your dog yo!) or why isn't it all your meds $4 (thanks for that, Wal-mart), is to say "let's start with your name". Total silence. I get nothing but total silence from you. Why is this? No one taught you to start a business transaction with your name? I don't have caller ID, you don't wear a name tag and by God, I am not psychic! Now give me your name and we can get somewhere. Pretty please? With Kadian sprinkles on top? Yeah-that got your atttention!!

Love,

Filet

Phrases I Hate In Pharmacy

I think everyone has certain phrases or key words that just set them off.

• "Every time I come here there is a problem."
• "You people" followed by some ignorant non-issue.
• "Do you have $4.00 prescriptions?"
• "How long is this going to take?"
• "Did my insurance not pay anything?"

What are the comments that send you off the deep end, if only in your head?

To The Skanky,Flirty Seeker

Damn it. Leave me alone. No, I can't refill your Lortab yet. No, I'm not married, but I tell you that I am. No I can't "front" you a couple of pills until next Friday. No, I don't frequent any bars or clubs in town. No, I don't have a "personal" stash at my house. No, I didn't know that your boyfriend just left you. Don't I have Chera-Tussin? Sorry, fresh out 'till next week. What's the best way to get a prescription for Oxycontin from your doc instead of Lortabs? I don't know....try losing a leg? You're 22 and I'm 39. I may be a fool, but I'm an educated one, honey.

Pharmacy and eating habits (lame!)

For the last several months, I've been going to the gym and trying to watch my food intake. Bringing my lunch to work instead of eating convenience foods and fast food was the biggest problem I had. Still, we always have some sort of terrible snack food in the pharmacy... this week I have surely eaten my body weight in Cheetos, Starburst, and dark chocolate. They live in a drawer that is way too easily accessed - whose idea was it to have a junk food drawer?! Do you guys deal with this too, or do you just have much better willpower than I do?

We Are Not As Stupid As You Think We Are

Shopping list: pill crusher, insulin syringes, rx for roxicodone from several counties away

Duh, we know you are going to shoot up your pills. So don't try to act all shocked and amazed when EVERY pharmacy for 50 miles tells you they don't have oxycodone tabs in stock. Also don't be so shocked and amazed that you can't buy a bag of syringes in Broward county without a prescription. Saying "But I can buy them in Pensacola and Jacksonville." earns no sympathy and does not magically produce a baggie of syringes for you. It is people like you that this type of law targets you f*cking worthless piece of sh*t furuncle on the taint of humanity!

It is douche bags like you that end up corrupting the pain management system by supplying the cash to corrupt greedy physicians and supplying tabs to first time users who either overdose and die or end up hooked for life. This also makes it damn near impossible for legitimate pain management patients to get their necessary medications. If the law would allow it I would do a handy dandy pharmacy spatula castration so you could not breed!

To take it a step further, the law should allow us to kill junkies like this one. Just send them to the worm pile like the worthless sh*t that they are! Why waste tax payer dollars on rehab facilities and jails? Let's cut out the middle man and save the tax payers millions of dollars! Rehab failure rates for first time attendees is 95% so why bother? Seriously, why bother?