Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Will sombody please burn my C-V sig book?
My store is one of the very few in Alaska that still has the old C-V signature log. Which of course creates a super-funnel to the front door of every Chera-Tussin chugger within 100 miles. The main reason we have it is because of the cruise ship passengers from who-knows-where are usually coughing up their guts by the time they get here. We literally cannot keep it in stock because of the local codeine junkies. Besides the obvious, any imput as to curbing the flow? I'm needing some creative ideas here! I remember that my father used to limit the regulars to 4oz./wk., but the flow up here is too damn distracting.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Phentermine!
Does anyone else apparently have a weight loss clinic right around the corner? I swear we must do a half-dozen Rx's/day for phentermine+citalopram from the same guy.
And when he wants generic Fastin, it's always Sandoz brand, not that we carry any others.
At least we finally got the walk-in clinic doctor to stop writing Phenergan w/Codeine #240mL to everyone who walked through the door. We called to verify an Rx from someone from out-of-state who saw him, and apparently he was writing 20-30 of them a day. He's an ex-orthopedic doctor, and apparently had no idea why he had a dozen people in his waiting room at a time all with a cough.
Happy Spring?
Yet another whine about the vagaries of the weather and the evil drive-thru window that opens into the wind.
You warm, safe, patients drive up in your mostly sealed-up, into the lee of the wind car, and can't understand why we shudder, squint, and spit out rain, sleet or snow.
But, if we close the window for our own warmth and sanity, you stomp in, complaining all the while at being "forced" out into the weather.
Where, oh where, is Spring?
You warm, safe, patients drive up in your mostly sealed-up, into the lee of the wind car, and can't understand why we shudder, squint, and spit out rain, sleet or snow.
But, if we close the window for our own warmth and sanity, you stomp in, complaining all the while at being "forced" out into the weather.
Where, oh where, is Spring?
Monday, May 10, 2010
Nice Try Jackass
A man in his 40's walked up to me, a customer we'll just call "Mr. Seeker", and thrust his bottle at me, demanding to know why his Oxycontin wasn't working. So, upon investigating the pills that were left, at first glance they appeared to be 20mg. Oxycontin. But when I checked the pill I.D., it turned out to be a generic (AURO) simvastatin. When I informed Mr. Seeker of this, he seemed enraged that we could mess this up so bad, and demanded that I fix the problem. Since I was the only one filling the CII's here the day it was filled, the possibility of a tech or someone else tampering was not a reality, especially since Mr. Seeker told me that he waited on the Oxycontin to be filled that day. It never even hit the 'will-call' box. "I'm sorry Mr. Seeker, but I filled this prescription personally, and I can guarantee you that that bottle was filled with 60 Oxycontin when it left here." Of course he just stared at me, wondering what to do next. So I told him that if he would be able to wait for a spell, I could do some checking to 'verify' this. Not that I have anything else to do, jackass. "Good, you do that", Mr. Seeker said, with hope in his eyes. Well, when I pulled up his file, guess what other drug (among many) that Mr. Seeker takes? You guessed it, simvastatin 20mg filled two weeks before the Oxycontin. For the hell of it, I ran a quick inventory of my Oxycontin 20's, and as I thought, it was tight on the spot right-on. "Mr Seeker, I'm sorry, but it looks as if you might have gotten your pills mixed up. Do you ever remove all of the pills from one bottle and mistakenly put them in another? Because these pills here are your simvastatin 20mg." He looked hurt and pointed at me and shouted,"I'll have your job for this!!!!".
Sighhhhhhhh. Mr.Seeker, you can have it right about now.
Well, my 15 minute lunch is over. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I Don't Pay For That!
To keep life schlepping pills for the man interesting I will on occasion fill in at other locations during the day. It is like going to the zoo except we are the animals in the cage and the patrons are usually hostiles.
One day I worked at a busy store in a relatively sketchy north Miami neighborhood that I had covered a few overnights previously. I am not sure why people don't like working there. I rather enjoyed it. The rapid pace made the time fly and I actually had 2 techs to talk to so that I didn't have to talk to myself and look schizophrenic. I was also amused one night when I covered because a police car was in front of the store and had a flat but the officers didn't know how to change a tire so they had to call for someone to fix it. I took an extra few minutes to drink my Red Bull and giggle at the evening's entertainment. Poor little piggies...
I have never had a problem or been yelled at by a patient there until this glorious day when a lady pulled in the drive thru. You could see from the window that all 3 of us were busy helping patients inside and one tech told her on the drive thru phone that we would be with her in a moment. The lady starts honking her horn repeatedly then knocks on the window like a jackass. Before anyone has a chance to assist her she pulls away.
The smack-smack-smack of flip-flop shod feet trumpeted her majesty's arrival followed by a purse being slammed down on the counter and a jingle of keys. She then proceeded to chew us out for making her wait all of 2 minutes in the drive thru before she decided to come in the store. In the time it took her to park and walk in we could have assisted her at the drive thru.
I pull her prescriptions from the bin and let her majesty know that one of them was not covered for 360 pills of SOMA. She loudly rebuked and said "I don't pay for that!" She said she would come back at the beginning of the month when her Medicaid would pay for it. She then proceeded to pull the upper part of her dress down to show me her shoulder and how badly warped it was so that she really needed those pills. I had to bite my tongue not to laugh at her.
Her majesty was the poster child for someone who becomes an addict and it was even funnier that her addiction induced emaciated ass had been out on a date and her consort was another poster child for addiction. He even inquired into the next refill day for his 240 pills of Xanax even though he knew it was 2 weeks to soon. Such a charming pair. Ain't love grand?
One day I worked at a busy store in a relatively sketchy north Miami neighborhood that I had covered a few overnights previously. I am not sure why people don't like working there. I rather enjoyed it. The rapid pace made the time fly and I actually had 2 techs to talk to so that I didn't have to talk to myself and look schizophrenic. I was also amused one night when I covered because a police car was in front of the store and had a flat but the officers didn't know how to change a tire so they had to call for someone to fix it. I took an extra few minutes to drink my Red Bull and giggle at the evening's entertainment. Poor little piggies...
I have never had a problem or been yelled at by a patient there until this glorious day when a lady pulled in the drive thru. You could see from the window that all 3 of us were busy helping patients inside and one tech told her on the drive thru phone that we would be with her in a moment. The lady starts honking her horn repeatedly then knocks on the window like a jackass. Before anyone has a chance to assist her she pulls away.
The smack-smack-smack of flip-flop shod feet trumpeted her majesty's arrival followed by a purse being slammed down on the counter and a jingle of keys. She then proceeded to chew us out for making her wait all of 2 minutes in the drive thru before she decided to come in the store. In the time it took her to park and walk in we could have assisted her at the drive thru.
I pull her prescriptions from the bin and let her majesty know that one of them was not covered for 360 pills of SOMA. She loudly rebuked and said "I don't pay for that!" She said she would come back at the beginning of the month when her Medicaid would pay for it. She then proceeded to pull the upper part of her dress down to show me her shoulder and how badly warped it was so that she really needed those pills. I had to bite my tongue not to laugh at her.
Her majesty was the poster child for someone who becomes an addict and it was even funnier that her addiction induced emaciated ass had been out on a date and her consort was another poster child for addiction. He even inquired into the next refill day for his 240 pills of Xanax even though he knew it was 2 weeks to soon. Such a charming pair. Ain't love grand?
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Open Letter To The Self Rightous Cunt At The Counter
Dear Self Righteous Cunt At The Counter Screaming At My Day Staff,
I overheard you screaming because your medication was not in stock and you were pissed off that no one called you to explain what "back order" means. There is in fact an automated computer dialer that will call and leave a message saying "This is Walgreen's calling to let you know there will be a delay with your prescription. Please contact {store info here} if you have any questions." You obviously didn't even bother to listen to the message and assume Walgreen's on the caller ID means your prescription is ready.
The other problem is that some phone services will call block corporate numbers, so unless you have put Walgreen's in as a business to not call block you will never get a message, the same applies to the spam filter on your e-mail.
A consequence of screaming that the solution to letting her know was to call (954) xxx-xxxx (I won't publish out of privacy concerns) was stupid on your part. When not on the clock I have a penchant for evil and the will to see it through. I remembered your home phone number and have since given it to the Mormons, the Jehovah's Witnesses, and a couple of fringe religious groups so your immortal soul can be "saved."
The reality is that screaming at people who know your personal info can be damn annoying if not lethal. Have some common courtesy for the staff that has to do 400 prescriptions with 1 pharmacist and 2 technicians. They are way overworked and if you are lucky don't miss fill your prescription and kill you. Actually they would probably be doing the world a favor.
I also hope you overheard me talking to the store manager about how self righteous hateful bitches like you were the reason I quit. That was my intention after all just so you are aware that everyone knows you are a cunt. I think the gentleman standing in line behind you was ready to punch you in the face so it would not have made any difference if I did it or not.
If you are lucky the only other consequence will be that the day staff transfers your shit to CVS so they can deal with you. I have a feeling CVS would be quick to transfer your shit back to us because you are a total cunt! The end result of this is usually that the ones who do get sent back to McDuggie's are a lot nicer after the entire profile transfer fiasco. It has been a tried and true system for the last 16 patients I have done it to. I believe the Dog Whisperer would approve with this method of dealing with bitches. I hope this works for you!
Sincerely,
Big N Tasty
I overheard you screaming because your medication was not in stock and you were pissed off that no one called you to explain what "back order" means. There is in fact an automated computer dialer that will call and leave a message saying "This is Walgreen's calling to let you know there will be a delay with your prescription. Please contact {store info here} if you have any questions." You obviously didn't even bother to listen to the message and assume Walgreen's on the caller ID means your prescription is ready.
The other problem is that some phone services will call block corporate numbers, so unless you have put Walgreen's in as a business to not call block you will never get a message, the same applies to the spam filter on your e-mail.
A consequence of screaming that the solution to letting her know was to call (954) xxx-xxxx (I won't publish out of privacy concerns) was stupid on your part. When not on the clock I have a penchant for evil and the will to see it through. I remembered your home phone number and have since given it to the Mormons, the Jehovah's Witnesses, and a couple of fringe religious groups so your immortal soul can be "saved."
The reality is that screaming at people who know your personal info can be damn annoying if not lethal. Have some common courtesy for the staff that has to do 400 prescriptions with 1 pharmacist and 2 technicians. They are way overworked and if you are lucky don't miss fill your prescription and kill you. Actually they would probably be doing the world a favor.
I also hope you overheard me talking to the store manager about how self righteous hateful bitches like you were the reason I quit. That was my intention after all just so you are aware that everyone knows you are a cunt. I think the gentleman standing in line behind you was ready to punch you in the face so it would not have made any difference if I did it or not.
If you are lucky the only other consequence will be that the day staff transfers your shit to CVS so they can deal with you. I have a feeling CVS would be quick to transfer your shit back to us because you are a total cunt! The end result of this is usually that the ones who do get sent back to McDuggie's are a lot nicer after the entire profile transfer fiasco. It has been a tried and true system for the last 16 patients I have done it to. I believe the Dog Whisperer would approve with this method of dealing with bitches. I hope this works for you!
Sincerely,
Big N Tasty
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Mayday! Mayday!
I am a pain junkie which ensures that I will never be a pain pill junkie. My latest foray into pain is a multi-session tattoo that pretty much covers my whole back. I was lucky enough on my last session to be entertained by a newbie who was getting a black/gray portrait done on his upper left chest.
For the unanointed-tattoos hurt. It is a fact that having a needle jammed repeatedly into flesh really fires up those nerve endings and they are definitely not happy about it. So when newbie asked if it hurts I just giggled and said "Of course it does but after a while you just notice the sound and the vibration more than the pain." It also helps if you engage in conversation so that you are not concentrating on the needle and where it is going.
He was having a rough go. It was highly entertaining to watch him squirm and moan while I am trying to not move from laughing as an 11 gauge needle is ripping through my back. The other problem is that my tattoo guy was laughing and I had a friend with me and as he laughed harder so did I while trying not to move. It is damn near impossible not to move when in the midst of a giggle fit.
When he was finally done we left him with some parting advice along with a few tasty bites I threw in here for my sick little monkeys:
1. Be sure to tip or the next one is gonna give you an intensely bad experience for a definition of the word "hurty."
2. It's not rocket science, it's basic wound care. You don't need anything fancy. Washing a tat with your household Dial antibacterial or antibacterial hand soap is enough to keep it from getting infected.
3. DO NOT SCRATCH!! This can lead to chunks of skin coming out and taking the ink with it. I have a small spot that I did that to and will have to have it fixed.
4. It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. You don't need to slather a thick ointment all over it for healing. Lubriderm lotion with no perfume is perfect to keep the tat moist so it doesn't scar as it heals. Apply multiple times per day. I apply at least four times and more if it gets itchy. I f*cking despise itchy! Again you don't need to slather a whole lot on. We are not greasing pigs we are healing a series of puncture wounds.
5. Tattoo artists tend to be a disgruntled lot because they deal with many of the same ill-planned/ill-chosen/ill-mannered/uninformed/irresponsible people that we deal with at the pharmacy. Don't be a douche because that Japanese character for "strength" is just a few needle pricks away from being the Japanese character for "retarded." Caveat douche! (translation: douche beware)
6. It hurts a million times worse to have that tattoo lasered off (doesn't it Filet) than to have it put on. Make damn sure that when you get Satan's face tattooed at the base of your penis with the shaft of said penis tattooed as Satan's tongue it is forever! (To clarify it wasn't Filet that had Satan it was a guy at a gay bar that got his jollies showing it off. It happens sometimes that's why they call me the penis whisperer. For reasons unknown many gay and straight men have been compelled to show their penis for my amusement be it Mardi Gras, tattoo, piercing, or a pitiful attempt to let me see that they are a shower not a grower. Great power comes with great responsibility and as such none of you will see my tattoo as to protect my secret identity except for a small select group of close buddies who already know about my secret power.)
I leave you with my favorite advice: When it comes to ink and penises, go big or go home! (unless you are taking it up the ass then you might want to go small on the penis but I'm not judging, I'm just saying.) Always keep it classy and drink with your pinkies out b*tches!
For the unanointed-tattoos hurt. It is a fact that having a needle jammed repeatedly into flesh really fires up those nerve endings and they are definitely not happy about it. So when newbie asked if it hurts I just giggled and said "Of course it does but after a while you just notice the sound and the vibration more than the pain." It also helps if you engage in conversation so that you are not concentrating on the needle and where it is going.
He was having a rough go. It was highly entertaining to watch him squirm and moan while I am trying to not move from laughing as an 11 gauge needle is ripping through my back. The other problem is that my tattoo guy was laughing and I had a friend with me and as he laughed harder so did I while trying not to move. It is damn near impossible not to move when in the midst of a giggle fit.
When he was finally done we left him with some parting advice along with a few tasty bites I threw in here for my sick little monkeys:
1. Be sure to tip or the next one is gonna give you an intensely bad experience for a definition of the word "hurty."
2. It's not rocket science, it's basic wound care. You don't need anything fancy. Washing a tat with your household Dial antibacterial or antibacterial hand soap is enough to keep it from getting infected.
3. DO NOT SCRATCH!! This can lead to chunks of skin coming out and taking the ink with it. I have a small spot that I did that to and will have to have it fixed.
4. It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. You don't need to slather a thick ointment all over it for healing. Lubriderm lotion with no perfume is perfect to keep the tat moist so it doesn't scar as it heals. Apply multiple times per day. I apply at least four times and more if it gets itchy. I f*cking despise itchy! Again you don't need to slather a whole lot on. We are not greasing pigs we are healing a series of puncture wounds.
5. Tattoo artists tend to be a disgruntled lot because they deal with many of the same ill-planned/ill-chosen/ill-mannered/uninformed/irresponsible people that we deal with at the pharmacy. Don't be a douche because that Japanese character for "strength" is just a few needle pricks away from being the Japanese character for "retarded." Caveat douche! (translation: douche beware)
6. It hurts a million times worse to have that tattoo lasered off (doesn't it Filet) than to have it put on. Make damn sure that when you get Satan's face tattooed at the base of your penis with the shaft of said penis tattooed as Satan's tongue it is forever! (To clarify it wasn't Filet that had Satan it was a guy at a gay bar that got his jollies showing it off. It happens sometimes that's why they call me the penis whisperer. For reasons unknown many gay and straight men have been compelled to show their penis for my amusement be it Mardi Gras, tattoo, piercing, or a pitiful attempt to let me see that they are a shower not a grower. Great power comes with great responsibility and as such none of you will see my tattoo as to protect my secret identity except for a small select group of close buddies who already know about my secret power.)
I leave you with my favorite advice: When it comes to ink and penises, go big or go home! (unless you are taking it up the ass then you might want to go small on the penis but I'm not judging, I'm just saying.) Always keep it classy and drink with your pinkies out b*tches!
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