Guest Post

Thanks Steve!!

I'm not a pharmacist, just someone who's developed an interest in biochemistry and pharmacology, so yours is one of a few blogs I follow. You'll get a good laugh out of this story and I think your readers will, too. Here goes...

People really need to learn not to talk so loudly on airplanes. Today I was on a flight where the guy in the row behind me blathered ceaselessly about his job to his hapless travel companion. The guy was a rep from P&G or J&J, I don't remember which. He got to talking about how people are frequently embarrassed to purchase "sexual supplies -- you know, rubbers and shit" and he had the solution. In the works are plans to install video cameras in 4,000 Walgreens drugstores aimed specifically at the condom and lube section to monitor people's behavior. Eventually the stores will move these items to a "private area" -- although how you can get privacy under zillion-watt fluorescent lighting remains a mystery to me.

Also you'll soon be able to call your neighborhood Walgreens to phone in an order for your intimate accessories. Give the order-taker your credit card number and receive an order number. Your items will be placed in a privacy-ensuring opaque bag that you can pick up at the front of the store or at the pharmacy drive-through; all you need to do is mention your order number.

Can you imagine how difficult it was not to explode in laughter?! Everyone around this dude was snickering, even the flight attendants. When the plane landed and the door opened, the guy sitting next to him bolted like you've never seen. What a ride.

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Full Moon

Ever notice that when it is a Full Moon, all the freaks & weirdos come out to play, or customers ask really dumb questions? Just like clockwork, I was always scheduled to work with the same pharmacist that week, and we would dread it. One weekend, we had a guy come in wearing sunglasses. Not unusual, except that it was overcast outside. Anyhow, he went on to ask the pharmacist if he had any medicinal mar*juana in the pharmacy. Of course, we did not and had no idea where he could even get some. So the dude finally takes off his sunglasses, and his pupils are smaller than a pinhole. Being the helpful people that we were, we directed him to the chip aisle located conveniently (for us) beside the pharmacy to help with his, uh fix. ( Cue to the sound of wolves howling as it gets dark outside)

Acne

Does is bother anyone else when Medicaid pays for brand name acne medication? It blows my mind that they would pay for Epiduo, but won't pay for Nuvaring anymore. Just another example of how f-ed our priorities our.

- McFury, CPhT

Tastycare: Health Care For The New Millennium Part I

I have revolutionary ideas to reduce the cost of health care for the American government, insurance providers and you!

*Non-insulin dependent diabetics only test their HbA1c levels two times per year to confirm what their physicians and pharmacists already know: you are not sticking to your dietary guidelines so why the hell should we give you expensive test strips! Let's conserve the supply of test strips for insulin dependent diabetics who really need them.

Cost savings: in the six figure range and rising as the population gets fatter

*Patient self examination with a flashlight and magnifying glass to confirm crabs or head lice should lead to a self treatment with Rid, Nix, etc. instead of tying up valuable ER doc time.

Cost savings: hundreds in unnecessary ER/urgent care visits and your dignity

*Stop putting things in your vagina or anus that were not designed to go there! You know who you are... There are discreet websites that sell and anonymously ship toys designed for those orifices that will not land you in the ER. They even use a non sexual company title on your credit card bill. You will be mocked every time a light bulb, vegetable, fruit, 9-volt battery, rodent, shampoo bottle, lube jar, glass bottle, thermometer, tuning fork, watch, wedding ring, etc. has to be removed from your inner self.

Cost savings: hundreds in unnecessary ER visits and your dignity because you can't remove that item with salad tongs and a friend that can keep a secret because there is not a single person on earth that will keep that secret because it is too damn funny!

*Unless you were born hideously deformed or maimed in a horrible accident NO cosmetic procedures will be covered by insurance. You shallow attention starved perfectionists can pay for that sh*t yourself!

Cost savings: millions and millions and millions...why do you think actors demand such high salaries...plastic surgeons and their staffers don't work for free...

*Unless you come in with a broken/shattered bone you are not getting narcotics from the ER. All moderate to severe pain should be treated with Naproxen, Tramadol, or a Ketorolac intramuscular injection in the tookus (derived from Yiddish tuchus for butt/anus/etc. See you learned something new today.).

Cost savings: billions in ER hopping junkies looking for a fix...They should go to Kentucky or Tennessee for that sh*t cuz their ever increasing overdose rates lead me to believe the streets there are paved with Opium derivatives.

*If you have irritable bowel, acid reflux, or ulcers stop eating the foods that cause you to flare/runs to the ER. You sadomasochistic little foodies need to find a happier hobby. I know, I know, buffalo wings, pizza, and anything coated with spicy Thai peanut sauce are irresistible but give it a rest.

Cost savings: thousands per person per year and lots of pain, great pain

*Generics, generics, generics! We have plenty of medicines available for almost every ailment. Use the research monies to study things we don't have highly effective treatments for and new antimicrobials because we are seeing larger fail rates with antibiotics each and every year!

Cost savings: billions in copays and reimbursements with cutting edge procedures & life-saving therapies on the horizon

*Prescribing practitioners ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT cave in to every annoying or pushy patient that insists that an antibiotic will cure a cold/flu/sniffle/congestion. Let those patients know that every time you misuse antibiotics the bacteria on your body evolve measures that render them ineffective that can be genetically passed on to other species of bacteria that leads to higher fail rates and deadlier bacteria. Meaning when you really come down with a nasty bacterial infection you might die...MRSA, MRSA, MRSA... We are running out of antibacterial options much faster than people think. Multiple drug therapies can only take us so far before they are obsolete also.

Cost savings: billions in antibiotic abuse and hospitalizations due to treatment failures or organ failure from multi-antibiotic therapies

A picture is worth a thousand words!

This post is going to be worth 3000, apparently. The first two were shot at a Walgreen's while I was taking a weekend getaway trip. Now this one is short and sweet: even after having studied chemistry during all of my college career, even I can barely pronounce "cetylpyridinim"... I wanted it to end in "Pyridium" now that I've got some pharmacy u

nder the belt.

This one is a row of Thick-it branded canned food directly above the "personal lubricants". (If you look VERY closely, you'll see that they were out of the big bottle of my favorite lube, Wet Platinum. :/) This combination just tickled me. Either the joke writes itself, or I'm just a very dirty person, either way.

This one is just for my own amusement - generic Flomax came in, and the color temperature on my iPhone is just a little bit off, but they look like little carrots! How adorable!

--Fries With That

r

Greetings from up north!

I'm Dromedary (Dairy) Queen 'cause I bust my humps in my Pharmacy. I've been a tech for over 3 years at two different pharmacy chains and have already tired of some of the madness that is becoming a regular occurrence in my world. Case in point - we do get scripts from vets for animals once in a while, but this one was truly memorable. Guy comes to the window and hands me a script for his kitty. I ask him his cat's name, and he gives it to me. Then he hands me his insurance card and says "I want to bill this to my insurance." I look at the card - ok sir, you have the same name as your cat, how interesting. Being fresh out of college, I tell my boss the situation. He rolls his eyes, and walks me thru this learning exercise of billing insurance for humans only. What a shocker - it's not covered. I go back to the counter and say with a straight face: " So apparently your insurance company does not consider your cat to be a dependent. That's $$$$ today, sir." His eyes shoot daggers at me as I smile and hand him his card back and wish him a pleasant evening. The boss and I laughed our heads off once he was out of sight.

Dairy Queen

The Little Courtesies

Why is it, when I have to call a physician's office to confirm creative script writing....there is never any admission of an oops on their part? You can't e-scribe narcotics, yet I get them, every day...and every year, one verification gets forgotten and the Board of Pharmacy very correctly points it out. And yet, when you call the doctor to confirm one, to stay on the right side of the law, the office acts like it's bothersome-for them!

Yes, I know, this is neither new nor unusual nor surprising to anyone out there, I've just hit my limit for the day. Time for more chocolate!