Thank you for making my night complete.

Ass clown

ass clown (ás kloun) n.:

one, who, through the fault of his parents conception, is a skid mark in society's collective underwear.

Phat Pat is ASS CLOWN.

Dear ass clown,

Thank you for constantly interrupting my consultation tonight to another patient. As you were trying to impress her with your extreme Frat boy pick up skills, I was trying to impress her with my pharmaceutical knowledge. Did it occur to you that I might be trying to convey some very important information to her, Mr. Ireekofcheapbeeranddirtyunderwear Boy? I am sure it never crossed your tiny brain nor hers since she was very flabbergasted by your pronunciation of Poo-air-toe Vay-art-toes, Mexico. As I walked off so that the two of you could continue to get to know one another, I couldn't help but notice you exchange phone numbers. WTF?? A pharmacy is not the place for this transaction! Gross, gross and more gross. Next thing you know I will be filling that much needed Plan B prescription. Ugh. Please use it though!! I have a punch card with your name on it too. The 10th box is free.

Love,
Filet

PS Sorry to post your picture. I took it with my phone.

HeadOn, PissOff!

At 7am on a Tuesday morning, I can assure you that I am usually watching the clock tick away the last painful minutes of my work week. This past Tuesday morning was no exception. Imagine my chagrin when the phone rings...

Final annoyance of the week: Have you heard of HeadOn?

Me: (exhaling audibly, irritation almost palpable) Yes, I'm familiar.

Final annoyance of the week: Well, I was putting it on my forehead, and it started to melt. Now it's in my eye. It's very uncomfortable and there isn't a phone number for the company on the box.

Me: Maybe you should call 1-800-HEADON or something? How about poison control?

Perhaps I'm a little too cynical or jaded. But my refusal to troubleshoot for this HeadOn victim was my passive aggressive way of rebuffing all that is wrong with most OTC products and home remedies. They can sell whatever they want, and imply it's intended use, without using things like science or reason to back up their claims. What's even worse, we sell this type of shit at McDruggie's, which implies that the licensed professionals behind the counter tacitly approve of their use. Make no mistake, I will always lead the consumer away from these types of products at my counter. Unfortunately, they don't always ring their items up at the pharmacy counter (unless I'm by myself and clearly very busy... but that's another blog entirely).

If up until this point you have been lucky enough to avoid the HeadOn media blitzkrieg, then know these immutable truths...

#1 - There is a god in heaven and s/he must love you very, very much
#2 - You have gainful, daytime employment (or no television)

For the unindoctrinated, Wikipedia (a source worthy of such a sham) describes HeadOn thusly:

HeadOn is a topical product intended for headache relief, produced by Miralus Healthcare, which claims it is a homeopathic remedy.[1] Although intended uses are not listed on the website or in the commercial spot, the implicit purpose of the product is to reduce discomfort caused by headaches.[1]

Chemical analysis has shown that the product consists almost entirely of wax. The two listed active ingredients, white bryony (a type of vine) and potassium dichromate, are diluted to .000001 PPM and 1 PPM respectively.[2] This amount of dilution is so great that the product is arguably a placebo. Seymour Diamond, director of the Diamond Headache Clinic in Chicago and the inpatient headache unit at St. Joseph Hospital. Diamond, has been quoted as saying "I see nothing in this product that has any validity whatsoever."[3] However, the package does list menthol as an inactive ingredient; menthol is one of the active ingredients of Vicks VapoRub. Correspondence has been published with a statement from HeadOn Customer Service that "It works through the nerves."[4] The Better Business Bureau has asked Miralus Healthcare not to make claims that HeadOn cures headaches.

Miralus Healthcare claims that HeadOn is safe, so that "[i]t can be used by anyone and as often as needed. There are no dosage restrictions or health risks associated with its use."[5]

HeadOn is manufactured in Chicago, while Miralus Healthcare has offices in Canada and Florida.[6]


So, more than likely this poor victim on the phone will be just fine. In a perfect world though, they would be blinded for life. Sounds a little harsh? Follow me on this one... The commercials make absolutely ZERO claims of benefit for this product. Its true! I dare you to endure the commercial if you think otherwise. My point is this, if you buy everything you see, then perhaps Social Darwinism should kick in and steal your eyes. I'm just putting it out there.

I'm glad people can't hear my thoughts...

"I'm out of my birth control and the autorefill never called me!"

Brain: "Better pick it up soon, bitch, or your boyfriend won't be calling you either".

"I have nothing but problems with this pharmacy"

Brain: "Then, go somewhere else; how stupid are you? Who keeps coming back if they have only problems, seriously".

"I don't have $2 for the copay, can have some anyway?"

Brain: "What the fuck is wrong with you? Who doesn't carry $2 ? Just go to the fucking corner and beg for 4 seconds!"

"I'll have your job".

Brain: "So take it".

"I've been coming to this pharmacy for years".

Brain: "Yes, and we've wanted you to leave this whole time".

Your Insurance

Drug insurance is a credit card for drugs. If your credit card doesn't go through, do you yell at the cashier?

NO, you call the damn company yourself and straighten it out.

GRANTED: drug insurance is a little harder to run than a credit card, but once it's run. That's as much as we can do.

"I need this facial cream filled right away. The patient is on her way" Ugh

Hey you in that office not standing on your feet with no pee break for 12 hours--this shout out is for you!!

Protocol for calling in new scripts, ESPECIALLY non-emergency facial creams is as follows:

Use the f*&@ing voice mail. I check it alllllllll the time. I, the pharmacist, am the only person allowed to check the voice mail. Use it or WAIT ON HOLD. Your choice! I know you have that option b/c I've listened to the horrendous hold music too with that constant interrupting message reminding you to LEAVE A MESSAGE. Do it!

Hold if you want to but either 1) please use the voice mail or 2) hold until I am able to get to you!! Don't say snarky comments like "ABOUT time". Do I make nasty comments to you? Do I say "Fuck! It's about time you called that script in!!" NO--so treat me with some respect!

Do NOT say stupid shit like "I need this face cream for Ms. Icannotwaitforanythinginlife filled right away. She is on her way." Is that an emergency?? NO-and no I won't put her script before people with, oh I don't know, cancer, AIDS, legitimate pain, etc. YES-you can leave a doctor's DEA on there too. Why not?? Give me a reason why you can't!!

Use the voice mail!! Just in case you skipped to the last b/c the majority of you cannot even pronounce what the important drugs you are calling in, I doubt you have the patience to read the entire post so therefore I will say it again and again. Save us some stress and use it!!!!!!

Love,
Filet

Shame Shame Drug Game Part 2

The Hatch-Waxman Act (ie. the Drug Price Competition & Patent Term Restoration Act) was designed to give generic drug manufacturers strong incentives to develop lower-cost generics to save you, the consumer, mucho dinero. The main perk for GenCo is 180 days of exclusive generic marketing if the generic can be produced in a way that is non-infringing to BrandCo's magical production process or if GenCo has a valid challenge to the patent upon which BrandCo's drug relied.

Big money, no whammies, stop! Stopped on a whammie. BrandCo filed a patent infringement action within 45 days of my GenCo patent application for a sweet sweet patented generic deal that would give me exclucive rights for up to 3 years (Patented generics are the new black, or is it the new pink that was the new black, can I get a wah wah-Budeprion/Buproban).

Now, watch them pull a rabbit out of their hat! The Uruguay Round Agreements Act of 1994 (URAA) changed the length of patent for ALL inventions from 17 years post patent grant date to 20 years from the date of patent application. I smell a lobbyist, I mean a rat because this includes ALL BrandCo drug patents that did not expire prior to 1994. So now BrandCo not only gets a 3+ year patent extension they also still qualify for an additional letigious patent extension via Hatch-Waxman.

I strike back at BrandCo with the Medicare Prescription Drug Improvement and Modernization Act that limits their letigious choke-hold on my ANDA to ONE 30-month stay against marketing the generic. I will be sitting pretty if my generic comes to market, but wait, somewhere a "concerned" citizen has filed a petition to prevent my generic from being approved. I smell a rat, I mean a lobbyist or other BrandCo supporter because ALL issues in this "concern for public safety" petition must be resolved before I can market my generic. Shenanigans!

After all of these thorns in my side, I produce my generic. Only one problem.....there was a declaratory judgement which resulted in NO assurance that my generic is not in violation of the brand-name patent. This means that I can produce and sell my generic but BrandCo may sue for patent infringement at any moment.

You sank my battleship!

Degree of Uncertainty

Have you ever seen the commercials for Degree antiperspirant/deodorant? They make some pretty fantastic claims: no marks on black clothing, superior wetness protection and odor control that works better the more you sweat, and odor control. Was the test group a bunch of "chain smokers?" I used the women's version of this product for a week and was horrified that I would have to change my name to Big 'N Stinky if this was the best deodorant/antiperspirant available. I ran this by a colleague who also tried the men's version of this "deodorant." He thought the smell was just him. So rather than isolate myself by being inflagrante de-stinko I went back to my regular deodorant and now people like me again! Note to corporate America: if your product says "deodorant" on it, then it should be a deodorant instead of making you smell like the dirty towel receptacle at a gym!